iOTWreport: Predictions For the Next Decade

Wow, it’s 2005. Happy New Year everybody!

It’s that time again where we make predictions for what we believe will happen within the next year.

But this time we’re going to really challenge ourselves and make some predictions for the next decade. That way we can really dig deep and go out on a limb. Some of it may sound outlandish, but only time will tell.

  • America will elect a president named Hussein who will go on to say that if things get ugly for Muslims he will side with them. During his presidency he will even attempt to ramp up immigration and bring in as many Muslims as possible, even threatening to take executive action if the public and congress “get ugly” and object on the grounds that terrorists might be able to slip through the cracks and settle here.
  • An outspoken Jewish New Yorker, possibly a woman, will be labeled a hate monger, a kook, a Muslim bigot, and a provocateur for objecting to a mosque being erected within the boundaries of what is known as Ground Zero.
  • Tom Seaver will become a woman and be named Vanity Fair’s Woman of the Year.
  • After Israel pulls between 8 and 10 thousand Israelis from Gaza, Palestinians will elect the terror group Hamas to govern them. The left will continue to call Israelis “uncompromising” and “the real terrorists.”
  • A newspaper in Europe will publish a cartoon depicting Muhammad and all hell will break loose. An illustrator in America will come up with a plan of solidarity – Everyone Draw Muhammad Day. He will be forced to go into hiding because American authorities will not guarantee that “peaceful Muslims” won’t cut off his head. Years later a New Jersey Jew, possibly a woman, will hold a Draw Muhammad art contest and “peaceful” local Muslims will try and blow up the event in Arizona. The left will blame the New Jersey Jew.
  • Three Muslim Brothers living in America, dubbed The Brothers Karamazov, will set off a bomb during the New York Marathon, killing dozens. One brother will make the cover of the Rolling Stone because of his “dreamy looks.”
  • The Muslim president’s wife, thick legged while light in the bosom, Amazonish, hard looking with a severe underbite, will be named one of the hottest women on the planet by a Men’s sex magazine. She will become the unelected voice of healthy eating in America while, on a whim, taking planes to go eat deep dish pizza in Chicago.
  • An Inconvenient Truth will influence devotees to eventually blame everything from prostitution to terrorism on global warming.
  • A socialist will be the frontrunner for the 2016 presidency, running on an anti-greed platform while vowing to take 90% of rich people’s salaries.

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