NY Times Does Nauseatingly Fawning Profile of Chris Cuomhole

Let the fisking begin-


Chris Cuomo, 47, is a host of CNN’s morning show “New Day,” which means he is up before sunrise. Born in Queens and based in Southampton, Mr. Cuomo balances a tough schedule among work, life and parenting. (He and his wife, Cristina Cuomo, have three children, who are 7, 11 and 14.) He is also a fitness buff, though he does not believe in bodybuilding. Here’s how he stays in shape and uses motivational books and podcasts to help him get through the daily grind.

Wake-Up Tactics

I wake up sometime between 3:30 and 4:30 a.m. depending on what I can tolerate. What I have to do is I have to pivot sideways and fall onto the floor, then I can look at my phone from there. Otherwise, the light of the phone will wake up my wife, Cristina, and whatever child is in our bed.

Whatever child is in your bed??? They are 7, 11 and 14. 7 is too old, but you’re saying the 11 or 14 year-olds might be in the bed???

I look to see if the world has changed in the five hours I slept.

How could it, Chris? After all, you were asleep.

Grooming Regimen

The main objective is to be clean. I only use baby soap, even in my hair, because I have allergies. Also, my wife is into wellness and is not into chemicals. I used to like Old Spice body wash but my wife and 14-year-old found it repulsive.

Understandable. The scent gets more concentrated when you’re under the covers with the 14 year-old. (Hey, he said she might be in the bed, not me.

The only styling thing I do is I wear a pocket square everyday. I was doing it before all of them.

You see a lot of guys doing it now. The pocket square is almost always a simple white and I have a second one in my pocket. They were my father’s. My mom gave them to me when he passed away.

Wait, didn’t you invent the pocket square? How could your father have them?

Daily Affirmation

I spend exactly five minutes in the closet in the morning looking at a picture of my pop. It reminds me of why I’m doing what I’m doing.

Your dad was a partisan politician. Are you saying that you’re doing what you’re doing so you can be an unelected partisan politician on the airwaves?

I do a simple breathing exercise — it resets your focus. It’s hard in the morning.

I’ll bet it is.

Mind and Body

After the show, I have a couple quick meetings and then I leave. I don’t hang out in the office if I don’t have to. If I’m really tired, I will go home and sleep for an hour or two. But more likely, I check in with my wife who is running her magazine, The Purist, from home now. Then I go to the gym, which means either CrossFit or I’m at Asphalt Green, where I fight.

You brute.

With CrossFit, I got into it years ago.

Even before the pocket squares?

I believe in functional strength. I am fascinated with middle age and performance. I do no bodybuilding. I don’t believe in it. I only care about what my body can do. How it looks is of little value.

That’s Trump’s philosophy. And it seems his body can do a lot for 70, but you fair and balanced reporters seem to be attacking him at every turn.

The fight training is practical. It’s all self-defense combative stuff. It’s definitely mixed martial arts but not like M.M.A. on TV. What I’m training for are scenarios for when you’re being attacked.

Buy a gun. It will allow you to spend more time with your family instead hiding out at the gym.

 It’s so challenging. I’m actually terrible at it. My instincts are all wrong.

On second thought, stay away from the gun.

Working Dad

I then eat and go home and I go walk the dogs, weather permitting.

If it’s raining you have to actually be around the family. That sucks for you.

It’s a good kind of cool-down and I do a lot of thinking then of what happened on the show. Then I take a nap, and then the grind happens again.

I read. I read news. I read self-improvement stuff. I read policy papers. I do calls with policy guys.

Policy papers? You’re a reporter not a policy mak…. Ohhhhhhhhhhhh. I stand corrected.

I listen to podcasts about self-empowerment. My day is a lot of the grind and motivation for the grind.

I think you spelled self-aggrandizement wrong.

My wife, Cristina, and our nanny, who I call Esposa Numero Dos, do more of this stuff than I do, but I try to help where I can.

Spanish nanny in South Hampton? No, that’s not a cliche.

If I can, I’ll read or binge-watch something not work-related. If I start a series, I have to finish it. With my son, we did all the different Marvel series. I watched “The Walking Dead” and “Game of Thrones,” or I’ll watch whatever people think is hot. I think it’s good to keep my head in whatever is the zeitgeist.

Your head is too big for the zeitgeist.

19 Comments on NY Times Does Nauseatingly Fawning Profile of Chris Cuomhole

  1. Why is his father in the closet? Ohhhh I get it…never mind. lol
    He sure does a lot to make sure he’s alone with himself, doesn’t he?
    If his wife is at home, what’s with the nanny?
    I bet they both beat him.

  2. Breathing is hard?? I seem to be able to breathe, even in the morning, and I get up at 4 a.m. You are such a fluff ball and now we know you sleep with your kids, maybe because you avoid them all day. Why do you have a nanny? Your youngest is SEVEN and your wife works from home.

  3. Remember in The Godfather when Santino (Sonny) Corleone beats nearly to death his sister Connie’s husband?

    Why does this Cuomo remind me of that?

  4. Well shoot, I got a new computer and I have been posting as “Anonymous” for a couple of days! Forgot to update.

  5. “I spend exactly five minutes in the closet in the morning looking at a picture of my poop.”

    HAHA @Different Tim!
    That made my day!

  6. Ugh! No-talent governor’s son

    He knows how to interrupt and shout over people. “News gathering!”

  7. Lordy, Lordy, Evil Tribbiani has found out about the FISA Memo…

    “What is this memo that you guys are selling as so significant?”

    Oops, time for crossfit, gotta go.

  8. “I used to like Old Spice body wash but my wife and 14-year-old found ME repulsive.”

    There, fixed it for ya.

  9. I’m in St Louis airport right now on a layover. They have a CNN “news” kiosk that I stood in front of. When they asked me if they could help me I said “No, just wanted to see whut a real shithole looks like”

  10. NY Times Does Nauseatingly Fawning Profile of Chris Cumhole <— There BigFur I fixed that for you!

  11. It’s illegal for you, the people, to read Hillary’s emails.
    But we in the media can read them and let you know what we feel you need to know. Sure Chris. Very magnanimous of you. Now go fuck yourself!


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