The Generals’ Biggest Fan

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Visit Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell’s (R-KY) D.C. office and you’ll find one of the largest collections of Washington Generals memorabilia in private hands. A lifetime fan of the long suffering opponents of the Harlem Globetrotters, Senator McConnell sat down recently with IOTWR’s own Dr. Tar to discuss how his leadership style has been inspired by the Generals’ dedication to losing convincingly.

“Though a Washington team, they rarely play at home. That’s why I use every vacation opportunity to follow them on the road. I really admire their determination to lose their games while pretending to try. It takes skill to believably blow a lead at the last minute. What the Generals manage to accomplish night after night has been an inspiration for my Obamacare policy.

They always seem to find a new way to lose that never fails to astonish. Like them, I too do my best to fool our supporters that we’re going to win. We dedicate ourselves to convincing them that this time we’re really going to get it done, then somehow find a new way to fail miserably at the last moment.”

The senate majority leader then reached in his wallet to pull out tickets to the Generals in Cincinnati on December 29th. “John Boehner’s a big fan too and he got me these. He’s more into hollow victories and meaningless wins, like never having a budget approved or voting time after time to repeal Obamacare knowing the sitting president will just veto the bill.”

“You know, being a Generals fan teaches one to not have “excessive expectations.” You learn to just keep supporting your team even if they prove to be pathetic losers when it counts the most.”

More on the Generals Here .  They should change their name to the Senate Republicans.

14 Comments on The Generals’ Biggest Fan

  1. ⏺ Republicans are so bad at politics …⏺

    ⏺ It’s like being the only player on Wheel of Fortune, and wind up with negative dollars.

    ⏺ They are so bad, they’d go into Burger King to “have it your way” on a Whopper, and be talked into a chicken salad and warm milk.

    ⏺ They are so bad, they couldn’t negotiate a few bucks off a Ford Pinto at a used car dealership.

    ⏺ They are so bad, if they negotiated with terrorists, they’d give them 100 more hostages just to let them know they are negotiating in good faith.

    ⏺ They are so bad, they couldn’t sell life rafts on the Titanic.

    ⏺ They are so bad, you could spot them 3 in a row in the game “Connect 4” and they still couldn’t win.

    ⏺ They are so bad, they have been betting on the Cleveland Browns for a decade.

    ⏺ They are so bad, they try to sell newspapers, and after an hour the customers says, “Ok, how much are you going to pay me per week?”

    ⏺ They are so bad, they are waiting to balance the budget based on investment kick-backs a Nigerian Prince promised them.

    It now a race to the bottom. Who is going to win the “Mr. Magoo Award?” The Republican Congress under George Bush, or the Republican Congress under Donald Trump?

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