10 More Environmentally Friendly Alternatives To Using Electricity – IOTW Report

10 More Environmentally Friendly Alternatives To Using Electricity

BabylonBee:

Hey there, person! Are you still using electricity? We all know electricity makes the earth cry, which is why California recently banned it altogether. If you are one of the heartless few still using electricity to cool your home or charge your phone, here are 10 electricity alternatives. Try them all to become a better human being!

  1. Buy an electric car so you can burn it for warmth: Those lithium batteries really light up!
  2. Offer burnt sacrifices to an ancient pagan god so he’ll give you mild weather: You won’t have to turn on the AC ever again!
  3. Just die: Problem solved! Just make sure your death with dignity is handled by a trusted healthcare professional.
  4. Get transferred into the body of a blue alien on a distant planet’s moon and then fall in love with one of the locals while learning to live off of the land naturally and then betray the entire human race: No electricity though. Hooray! MORE HERE h/t NAAC.

22 Comments on 10 More Environmentally Friendly Alternatives To Using Electricity

  1. Hire a billion or so hamsters to run endlessly inside a little wheel which will feed energy into tiny turbines, then collect the power from a billion little turbines to power the entire earth with electricity.

    Some of the power will be needed to breed and maintain industrial hamsters. A billion hamsters need food and water daily. OK, the industrial hamsters will need 95% of the power, but what the Hey!

    3
  2. They charge for disposal of tires.
    They burn hotter than hell and make good signal fires.
    And you save the disposal cost. In Joe’s economy you have to save where you can.

    6
  3. Liposuction fat, woke progressives and burn their fat in kerosene lamps. You’ll have to hold your nose, but after awhile, you won’t smell it anymore. (Tell them it’s required to save the planet and have them line up for it like getting vaccinated for COVID.)

    5
  4. General Malaise
    SEPTEMBER 8, 2022 AT 8:09 PM
    “…burn their fat in kerosene lamps. You’ll have to hold your nose, but after awhile, you won’t smell it anymore.”

    …That’s what I told everybody, but they wouldn’t listen, so we changed the story to say it was a pork factory instead…

    3
  5. Not so long ago the most prevalent fuel for cooking was animal dung.
    So… dry your kaka out on the back patio and use those ‘pellets’ in your smoker.

    Mesquite becomes “what the hell is this mess?!”

    1
  6. Don’t concern yourselves.

    In the Demonrat’s Gulag and KZ (Konzentrationslager) system, there ain’t no electricity – all work is done through human power – and we probably won’t survive the winter to worry about the summer heat.

    mortem tyrannis
    izlamo delenda est …

    1
  7. What is the difference between the Titanic and the state of California?

    Well the lights on the Titanic were on.., when the ship went down

    2

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