#NotAJoke: Nanny state wants to send fat people text messages

The Obama administration plans to send text messages to fat people and offer online weigh-ins to help the country’s obese population get down to what a cartel of career academics considers to be a healthy weight.

April Fool!

No, wait. This is real.

The Dietary Guidelines Advisory Committee–the folks responsible for bringing you the food pyramid–is in the midst of a series of meetings that will determine the government’s official recommendations for healthy eating. The committee meets every 5 years, and this time, the Obama administration has stacked it exclusively with professors from America’s finest ivory-tower institutions. And these professors have a delicious casserole of nanny-statism to serve you.

For example, many on the committee supported Mike Bloomberg’s bans on trans fats and large sodas, with one even suggesting that what New York City did should be replicated on a national level. Another has been a longtime advocate for “plant-based diets.” These professors have concocted plenty of ideas on how to get us to eat what they want to put on our plate, the most absurd of which is the daily text message to the obese.


To tell Obama’s armada of academics to keep their hands off our diets, let’s tweet at them with #ObamasHungerGames and #FatPolice. And I’d love to hear your most creative slogans and motivational texts that the government could send our full-figured friends. Tweet them to me @BlameTelford or email them to me at Telford@franklincenterhq.org. Winner gets a Big Gulp!

A couple ideas to get started:

“Get up and get going! You’ve got a big day ahead of you and a big butt behind you.”

“What’s up? Your blood pressure.”

“She can handle your love, but can she love your handles?”



16 Comments on Fatist!

  1. So the doctor gives the feds what should be private information,then the feds uses texting to bully fat people. Nice.

  2. So let’s do likewise and send text messages taking pokes at the obesity of our fat, bloated, overspending, wasteful government.
    I’m sure they’ll appreciate our text msgs just as much as we would theirs.

  3. @Carlos. great idea for every text they send we send dozens back telling them how crappy of job they are doing in running the country. Is there someone out there that could figure out how to robo-text every gov’t phone in DC?

  4. As if fat people are not BOMBARDED without ceasing with messages about how fat they are and how awful and icky that is.

  5. #!/bin/ksh

    do while (( $i < 1000000 ))

    curl -u mytwitterusername:mypassword -d status="@WhiteHouse Eat Me!"

    i=$(( $i + 1 ))

    # End of Script

  6. A certain satirical cartoon said it best in the episode, Death Camp of Tolerance.
    I’m not fat. It is my life choice.

    Sometimes, South Park hits it out.

  7. So the government thinks it can accomplish what twenty years of relentless nagging from my mother could not?

  8. “Yeah, Bill its me. Is Hillary still mad? Anyway, do you still have Monica’s cell phone number? Oh, never mind, the NSA just got here”

  9. i know what happened when I told my wife she was getting a little tubby.

    22 years later my ears are still ringing.

  10. I’m cool with the Mikki O. harassing the people getting phone service ON MY FREAKING DIME!!!

    I hope they are calling low-life scum-sucking pukes in the middle of the night!


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