Airport Revenues Soar After Allowing Travelers To Pay To Turn Off CNN

WORLD—Airports around the world are reporting record revenues after introducing a long-awaited feature: the ability to turn off CNN on television sets in their terminals.

For just one quarter, you can turn off CNN for a full fifteen minutes while you’re waiting for your flight, leaving you with the “far superior” experience of just staring at a blank screen.

“At long last,” said one man waiting for his flight at LaGuardia as he dropped a few dollars’ worth of quarters into the “Turn CNN Off” slot. “Honestly, I might fly more now.” He’s not alone: airports expect a 426% uptick in traveling over the holidays as flyers no longer have to worry about having the droning words of CNN hosts pounded into their heads for hours on a layover.

The feature has been one of the most-requested by travelers along with the dismantling of the TSA and pretzel bags with more than 3 pretzels in them. Keep Reading

SNIP: How long before idiots like SNOPES try to fact check this?

13 Comments on Airport Revenues Soar After Allowing Travelers To Pay To Turn Off CNN

  1. Instead of a quarter to turn it off, it should be $2.00 to turn it on. I guarantee it would never come on. I guess that would take away any revenue possibilities. OK, how about this, take out all of the teevees. Another idea, no frickin service animals. If you need your pet pig to feel comfortable you can drive yourself to where you want to go.

  2. I’m at the governmant pat down shitport for one thing. Going from point A to B. Which is surprisingly becoming less and less efficient, so I’d rather drive.

  3. Pay a quarter to turn off cnn and pay another to blare Rush Limbaugh over the entire terminal. Watch the heads explode.

  4. It wouldn’t surprise me to find that CNN actually PAYS the airport to have them on. It’s the only way they can claim viewership at all. That way, the total number of travelers on a given day count as ‘audience’.

    I actually cancelled my satellite and have no TV service because I refuse to pay for CNN and other ‘services’ that I don’t want or agree with. Did you know you pay for Chinese News? Islamic News? Yep, it’s all in your “bundle”. Screw that.

    Until I can pick and choose ONLY what I want, I will never have TV again. Honestly, I don’t miss it. When I do see it, it’s garbage.


Comments are closed.