As if I needed another reason to loathe Jimmy Buffett

If I offend anyone with this it means I’ve done a good job with the post.

Jimmy Buffett is an overblown, uncharismatic no talent and “Wasted Away in Margaritaville” is one of these inexplicable unwarranted phenomenons like “The Pet Rock.”

The fact that this piece of crap song had an entire play constructed around it is on my top ten list of  why the meteor that wiped out earth might not have been a bad thing.

Watching overweight middle-aged bleach blondes in (please don’t) clinging sundresses, revealing whale tail thongs on their actual whale tails, drunkenly shaking the invisible maracas with their (please stop) afterglow O faces tilted toward the sun, mouthing the lyrics to a depressing song about an alcoholic (to virtue signal to others that they know the lyrics and are big fans), all the while indicating that this is the lifestyle they’d prefer to pursue, has contributed mightily to the sapping of my soul. But enough about the male fans of Buffet. How about those females?

Jimmy Buffett to perform for Gillum, Nelson in West Palm Beach.

Moron.

 

75 Comments on As if I needed another reason to loathe Jimmy Buffett

  1. I found this post such a great relief. Thank you BFH. For decades I thought I was the only one who hated this over-hyped dope.

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  2. I laughed, snickered for a couple of minutes. Thank you for saying what should have been said for many a year!

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  3. Is he doing it for free? Or did an undercover FBI agent set this up? lol.
    Never a fan. He sings flat and off-key. His songs (oh, does he have more than Margaritaville?) aren’t worth the elevators they’re played in.
    Plus, he’s a HUGE 0bama fan. He followed him throughout his campaign and beyond, so it’s only natural he would follow Florida0bama.

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  4. It boggles the mind to realize how shallow most celebrities are.
    Buffett, Swift, Madonna, Streisand, Oprah etc. they actually think they are making a difference politically.

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  5. Oooh wait. Maybe he thinks Gillum is 0bama! He’s a stoner, and like hillary said, “They all look alike” so you can’t tell them apart.
    She’s so racist.

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  6. I think Friskies Buffet has more artistic merit. Son of a son of a sailor? Yeah if that sailor’s a bitch. Chewing jujyfruit on a living stoned Saturday night never appealed to me.

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  7. This guy was getting excoriated back in 2008 after Buffett endorsed Obama and he wrote a “Buffett Review.”

    \https://bensbreakfastblog.wordpress.com/2008/10/29/an-effective-deconstruction-of-jimmy-buffett/

    I hate Jimmy Buffett more than SARS, clowns and Al Qaeda put together.

    Jimmy Buffett might be the worst thing to happen to music ever.

    I don’t write that lightly. I’ve considered the horrible legacy of one Mr. Kenny G. I’ve mulled the damage done by Nickelback. But no amount of Lou Begas or Gerardos or Aces of Base can lay claim to the virtual music wasteland of Mr. Buffett.

    “Why’s he picking on Jimmy Buffet?” you ask. “The man is harmless!”

    I beg to differ, my friend. Jimmy Buffett has two factors that make him a dangerous musical python:

    1) His music sucks.
    2) He propagates the lifestyle of the homeless.

    Let’s examine these claims, shall we?

    Does his music suck? Without question. Everything is laid back and mellow, as though it were the acoustic guitar version of something you’d hear in an elevator. It’s repetitive and banal. The vocal range required is two notes, max. When you hear his songs performed by a drunken karaoke participant, they are indistinguishable from the original recordings. All of Buffett’s songs sound vaguely like adult nursery rhymes. Replace the words “bottle” with “beer” and “cradle” with “beach,” and you’ve got an instant Buffett classic.

    Observe.

    Rock-a-bye, beach bum, in the hammock.
    When the wind blows, the hammock will rock.
    When the beer comes, you’ll drink it right down.
    And then you will nap until more beer comes.

    I should warn Jimmy Buffett, I’ve just copyrighted that song. Don’t even think about co-opting it, jerk.

    Now, to my second claim, Jimmy Buffett wants everyone to be homeless. He just wants you to lie on the beach and drink and eat the occasional cheeseburger. This is not an inspirational message. This is something your friends want you to do when they’re high.

    More to the point, Buffett has a legion of “Parrotheads.” These are fans who wear Hawaiian shirts, get plastered and mumble his songs back to him in concert. There is no dignity to be had in a Hawaiian shirt.

    Here’s what runs through the typical Parrothead’s mind in the moments leading up to a Jimmy Buffett concert:

    “Man, what a rough week. I had such problems with the Mitchell account. My boss just doesn’t get it. Boy, this beer tastes good. I wish I was going to the beach right now. But hey, the beach is a state of mind. I wish I drove a dune buggy instead of a Jeep Grand Cherokee. That would really blow my boss’ mind. I can’t believe I’m wearing flip flops to a stadium! I should quit my job and live in a tiki hut somewhere. I hope Jimmy invites me on stage to sing ‘Margaritaville.’ I bet he’ll notice me. This shirt has, like, a dozen parrots on it. And if he does bring me up, I’m gonna give him that salt shaker I have stashed in my pocket. I’ll be all, ‘Look, Jimmy! I found it!’ And we’ll laugh and laugh and he’ll bring me along on the road and we’ll be best buds and I will quit my job, leaving my child without the health insurance she so desperately needs to continue her dialysis.”

    Many songwriters would attempt to enlighten or encourage their audience. Not Buffett. All his songs sound as if they were written and performed while lying down. Any sort of exertion is verboten in Buffett’s world. You must lie completely still and forget about anything that matters to you. You can achieve the same effect by placing a rag soaked in chloroform over your face.

    I’m pretty sure the moment you start liking Jimmy Buffett is the moment you give up any hope of improving your life. It’s also the moment you stop caring about things like chord changes or rhythm or sobriety.

    Ultimately, I don’t think it will be too hard to break Parrothead Nation of its obsession. All we need to do is unplug their CD players. Since their will to move will have been atrophied by years of Buffett hypnosis, they would merely lie on their couches until the spell subsided. At that point, they’d realize how many years of their lives had passed without their knowledge, and then maybe they’d wish to rejoin society.

    But that’s a lot to ask from alcoholics who enjoy an artist whose musical prowess is put to shame by the average jingle from a mediocre carpet commercial.

    ~~~~~~~
    Again, that was this guy—>

    https://bensbreakfastblog.wordpress.com/2008/10/29/an-effective-deconstruction-of-jimmy-buffett/

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  8. I have detested that f–ked up cracker ever since his whiny, drawling ass hit the scene with his stupid strummy guitar, marimba & harmonica shtick. Sorry, Parrot-heads, but his stupid, phone-it-in ditties suck. You can have him Gillum.

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  9. Saxindacity — When the wigs and makeup comes off at the end of their vapid days, they have walls and shelves filled with acrylic awards for their contribution to the shtruggel. One day a tirade against tuna fisherman, the next a rant against freon and, not surprisingly, a reprise of those roles on a commercial about home security or coffee makers (Alec Baldwin). Celebrities call them “gigs.”

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  10. In the 70’s Buffett was okay, I enjoyed the summer sun filled tunes. But being an early adopter, Buffett’s music never transferred as I aged.

    Why? For the very same reasons listed above. His fan base is clearly that of overweight, middle aged goofs trying too hard to be hip, because they vacation 2-3 times a years somewhere sunny and warm.

    In other words. POSERS! And if there’s anything I can’t stand, it’s fair weather fans and posers! It is the absolute worst when I see some middle age woman, dressed head to toe in some “cute” sports franchise clothing wear. She says the most cringe worthy things about her supposed favorite team and you can just tell, it’s all an act.

    Buffett fans are exactly the same. One can commanders and every one is the biggest fan.

    Many Harley Davidson riders fall into this POSER category too. There’s no grit, it’s all an act and a fashion statement.

    Hey, look at meeeeeeeeeee! I’m a Jimmy Buffett fan and I have these cute little Harley Davidson booties!

    Another middle age fan fail that really CREEPS me out. I worked with a lady that was like this. The couple has no kids, they probably have cats instead and they vacation 3-4 times a year at the Magic Kingdom. Whenever you see these people, they’re always wearing something Disney related, be it an Eore sweatshirt or a Winnie the Poo jacket, they even have Disney related gold necklaces and earings.

    Grow up!

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  11. Yeah, I don’t loathe Buffet because I’ve never given him that much notice. But a political rally must be a nice change from playing indian casinos and the state fair circuit.

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  12. I have a brother who is a big fan. Many of us have one of those in the family? I’ll just refer to him as “Cheeseburger in paradise”. Cheeseburger grew up on metal bands. Then something happened to Cheeseburger at Penn State and he has been to many Buffet concerts since.

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  13. “…and he’ll bring me along on the road and we’ll be best buds and I will quit my job, leaving my child without the health insurance she so desperately needs to continue her dialysis.”

    I fell off the couch laughing. I have to go read that dude’s blog.
    BRB.

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  14. I know that this thread is going to tick off some Buffett fans, but I’ll put this in perspective –

    I post slams against PAUL McCARTNEY because of his leftist douchebag ways. And if McCartney is in the crosshairs, Buffett has no chance of escaping denouncement on this blog.

    I understand that with these slams we are going after the fans themselves, but that’s because it’s the fans that turned that douchebag into a recurring case of GERD, a disease that promotes a “state-of-mind” akin to Pelosi’s funemployment.
    There’s nothing conservative about “Margaritaville.”

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  15. “Whaaah doan’t we git dronk an’ scrooooo…”

    F–king brilliant.

    And turning that cheesy 70’s bumper sticker, “Divers do it deeper” into a lame lounge lizard song? Pure genius.

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  16. Let this be a lesson for everyone. If BFH takes a shot at you, it’s not going to be a shot across the bow, it will be a direct hit and a mortal wound.

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  17. He’s entertaining as heck. Some of his songs are pretty well written, not just catchy, but deep and introspective, I think.
    But he’s dead to me now…

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  18. old_oaks- I cracked up about the Disney part.
    I know of a woman like that. She even has a reproduction tiara of one of the princesses. I didn’t ask which one. LOL.

    9
  19. I’ve got a long list musical acts I detest and Buffett is high in the list. Add to that Springsteen, James Taylor, Grateful Dead, and REOJourneyWagon. There are many more that my brain refuses to summon at this time.

    13
  20. He’s an entertainer.
    He entertains.
    He assumes a persona and takes people’s money (actually they throw it at him).
    He doesn’t believe in that stupid bullshit any more than Marx, Lenin, Stalin, Hitler, Mussolini, or any of those others did – just a path to amass wealth.
    My guess is that he’s never had a more serious thought or idea in his life – other than “How can I make a couple of bucks outta this?”

    It’s pretty obvious that if you want easy money the path of obsequiousness to the nihilistic totalitarians is the way to go.
    Look around! The Koch Bros? Every major corporation in America? Every single “news” outlet? Every advertising firm? Every commercial? “Starbucks” is just as greedy and grasping as any mafia outfit, but they pose as some weird self-righteous elites to get the suckers to pay $8.00 for $0.25 worth of coffee.

    The illusion is all that matters to these self-deceptive klowns – the “narrative.” Reality has never struck them (and probably never will).

    So, to quote Mr. T, “… pity the fool!”

    izlamo delenda est …

    9
  21. One good thing about Buffett: he gives aspiring songwriters hope that they too can make a buck off of mediocre tune creation. I have a pile of ’em. Who wants to buy a hit? Remember folks, the drunker you are, the better I sound.

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  22. Sidebar:

    A long time ago, a hang gliding buddy of mine had a girlfriend from, I think, rural Georgia. She was lovely, fun to be around, and very proper / genteel without being prissy about it.

    One evening after a nice day of soaring in the Shenandoah Valley at Dickey Ridge we were in a bar/restaurant in Front Royal and Buffet’s Why Don’t We Get Drunk (and Screw) came on the juke box. My friend teasingly asked his proper lady friend what she thought of the song.

    She didn’t bat an eye and said, “Mah! What a purty love song!”

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  23. THANK YOU, BFH!!!!!! I’ve always despised Buffett with white hot, blood-spurting-out-my-eyes hatred. Mr. Vixen gets mistaken for this assclown ALL THE TIME. The similarity ends there though- he’s more conservative than Rush Limbaugh.

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  24. MJA – I think they get lost having been called a little princess their whole life and being treated like one. It likely helps to not be child bearing, which probably resulted in more unnecessary princess coddling. Ultimately this manifests in being attached to all things imaginary and perfect, because that’s how the baby room would have been decorated.

    These type of women have feelings off the chart and it’s easy to make them cry. Their poor husband however accepts and enables this fantasy, buying anything Disney related for holidays, anniversaries, etc.

    Funny, I’ve run into more than a couple of these little Disney princess types over the years, they’re definitely not LITTLE.

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  25. Hambone, you’re right. And thanks a lot. Now I’ve got that execrable “Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town” running through my head.

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  26. Radio Sucks, always has, likely always will….a tool for the record companies that push crap product,bubble gum for the ears for us little people. buffart is a prime example of a no talent hack that people think they’re suppose to idolize because he’s on the radio.
    Meanwhile thousands of great musicians can’t quit their day job
    because of record execs and their business “acumen”.

    6
  27. I wanted to add my contempt for this flabby no talent asshole but you’ve covered it in detail.
    I too could never stand his garbage music and would actually leave premises where they were playing it just because I could stomach the puling noise.

    5
  28. I hate his politics, *love* his music. He may have made gazillions on franchising his one consumer-hit, Margaritaville, out the wazoo (clothes, alcohol, furniture, housing development!), but is quite a prolific songwriter.

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  29. I always thought the guy sucked. He’s the epitome of the lazy douchebag liberal white guy.

    FUCK YOU JIMMY BUFFSIT!

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  30. Dan K, here’s a bit of honesty.
    If Buffett was a full-throated conservative I’d probably write something like, “he’s alright. It’s just laid back fun, that’s all.”

    You know how it goes. We are tribal to a degree, aren’t we?

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  31. I went through a Buffett phase about 30 years ago and now own none of his music and won’t listen too it. His politics just reinforces my lack of any desire to ever hear him again.

    Someone should do a follow up to Margarite-evil where Gillum is the mayor and the streets are filled with doddering old parrotheads wander aimlessly, addicts pooping on the sidewalks and antifa directing traffic.

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  32. We ate at his place on Pier Park in Panama City Beach. Food was okay and they had his videos playing on the screen. There was an airplane and a giant salt shaker that were worked into the song.

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  33. Tough crowd! 🙁

    Me, I still love and enjoy many of Jimmy’s songs.
    You can’t tell me ‘Migration’ isn’t a catchy tune?
    Thing is, most people haven’t heard it.

    ’12 Volt Man’ has an interesting back story as many of his songs do.
    ‘Nautical Wheelers’ brings back fond memories for me too.
    I am not a Parrothead but I have gone to his shows and the tail-gaiting parties are second to none.

    It’s mostly white folks my age so you won’t ever hear me blasting them.
    The fact is, countless Buffett fans WILL vote Republican, straight ticket.

    I will agree that he is a dumbass for supporting leftist idiots.
    That is pure Dixie Chick idiocy, shame on him.
    Conservatives have done more for him, and allow him to celebrate and champion his lifestyle than any other group of folks.
    Leftist will take away everything he has and prevent anyone from following in his footsteps.

    One thing for sure, he is EXTREMELY successful.
    He has turned the flip-flop and beach lifestyle into a gold mine. 🙂

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  34. Rotty,
    Agree with your first statement, beg to differ on the second. Matter of fact, I believe an unbreakable password would be a Journey song that doesn’t suck.

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  35. I’m so glad someone said that about Buffett. I HATE that music and every time you go to the Caribbean they BLAST it. On a dive boat… at some restaurant watching the sunset… in the hotel lobby… UGH!

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  36. TO LBS Yep. He was a “student” of Jerry Jeff Walker, a real storyteller.

    Aside from his early “Why Don’t We Get Drunk” stuff, I like “Hula Girl at Heart” “Nautical Wheelers” “Creola” “All the Ways I Want You” “Boats to Build”…

    Can’t please everyone.

    4
  37. It’s tough for me to say anything good about a guy working to get a socialist installed as governor of a state in America.

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  38. Fur, if you and MJA have that confab, include Bread along with that guy who sang about wanting to kill himself; Stewart something (I think). Oh, and Cher. Anything she did good has been eclipsed by her recent descent into madness.

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  39. BFH – Irony of his Socialist push is his net worth: $620,000,000.
    Typical Leftist horseblindedness.

    Like I said, someone did *brilliant* marketing of the “Margaritaville” brand into, well, just about EVERYTHING.

    3
  40. Thanks, BFH. I thought I was the only one that hated that song. Another one is MacArthur Park by Richard Harris.

    @Claudia – are you talking about Alone Again, Naturally by Gilbert O’Sullivan? What a depressing mess that song is.

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  41. cher ruined Dead Ringer For Love. Karla Da Vito, Ellen Foley, anyone else would have been better. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KSTIsZULYmY {shudders} I was playing Alan Jackson’s Amazing Grace and then Meat’s Where Angels Sing when Jim was dying. As I held his hand and spoke into his ear how much I loved him and that it was ok to let go, to go on home to Abba Father. Sorry.

    4
  42. I used to like McArthur Park back in the 60’s. And as I got older I found I couldn’t stand it anymore that it had become an earworm from being played so many time times back in the day. Funny, no one mentioned Muskrat Love or even worse Watching Snotty Grow by Bobby Goldsborough or anything by Pat Boone other than Speedy Gonzalez. And we might as well throw in Harper Valley PTA, why did they play that crap song every 10 minutes or so on Top 40 radio back in the late 60’s I’ll never know. And for what it’s worth I actually bought a 45 of Little Arrows by Leapy Lee, gadzooks what was I thinking.

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  43. @riverlife_callie – YES, that’s it! I hate that song with a white-hot passion!

    I was confusing him with Al Stewart; whom I also dislike (but not as much).

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  44. @Claudia – The only good thing I can say about Rod Stewart is that for a while he was with Jeff Beck.

    Fond memory: Alexandria Roller Rink, winter of 1968-69, Jeff Beck (with Stewart up front) opened for Janis Joplin and Big Brother and the Holding Company. Hugely terrifically enjoyable concert.

    3
  45. It is the Goddamned Dave Matthews band around here that gets on my nerves. Every Labor Day the fake hippies roll over in their newly acquired shit air cooled volkswagens (that they bought a week prior) from Seattle and Portland to The Gorge and the pieces of shit then break down all the hell over the Interstate highways and State routes.

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  46. I bought a new vehicle recently and received a 1 year free subscription to Sirius Satellite Radio. I like the 70s music, but, in addition to playing all the songs sped-up (which angers me to no end), Sirius insists on playing Jimmy’s depressing song about 30 times per day.

    2
  47. admit to being a former Buffett fan. back in the ’70’s (when I was young, stoned & irresponsible; as opposed to today, where I’m old, drunk & irresponsible). saw him at many venues, & it was always a good, stoned, drunken time. (see comment above). actually bought one album (again, back in the ’70’s) & admit to enjoying many of his songs …. have most of his albums, thanks to Napster, but no longer listen.
    his complete freak to progtard poser made me turn my back … that, & his way over-priced swill & merchandise … either be a committed commie or a capitalist … PICK ONE, ASSHOLE!

    thought, at one time, he had a pretty good sense of humor about his ‘career’. he titled his greatest hits album ‘Jimmy Buffett’s Greatest Hit(s)’ … actual a pretty good dig at himself

    … & don’t get me started on Dave Matthews … GAG!!! heard better cacophony in a barnyard. his schtick is insufferably worse than the Grateful Dead (grateful they’re dead … bet you are too) … at least the Dead could carry a tune or two.

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  48. He lost me when he campaigned for Hillary. I liked his music a lot when I was younger. Had a blast at the 1999 Meeting of the Minds in Key West, as far as I can remember. 😉

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