Didja Know that nude sunbathing is not all it’s cracked up to be?
6
Joe Biden and John Doe were applying for the same job.
Both were interviewed, then had to take a short test.
When the results came back the boss called both of them into his office.
Boss: “You both have the qualifications we are looking for, you both interviewed well, you both got the same score on the test and you both got question 8 wrong. As a result I have decided that John Doe gets the job.”
Joe raised an eyebrow and asked: “So what made you select John over me?”
The boss said:
“Well for question 8, John’s answer was ‘I have no idea’.”
“Your answer question 8 was: ‘I don’t either’.”
BTW – the story is true… Joe Biden is the real joke!
5
Mr and Mrs Smith are out on the bay in their boat and crab pots. A sneaker wave rolls in, rocks the boat and Mrs Smith falls in without a life jacket and goes straight to the bottom. Mr. Smith frantically does what he can and calls the coast guard. After searching for hours, darkness sets in. The coast guard tell Mr Smith to go home and they will report to him in the morning.
The following morning there’s a knock on the door. Mr Smith answers the door and sees the coast guard officials.
They state to Mr Smith “we have some bad news, some good news and some really good news.” Mr Smith says “Ok give me the bad news”. Mr Smith we have found your wife and unfortunately she died by drowning. Mr Smith says “oh no, what’s the good news? The coast guard officers state, “there were 16 Dungeness crab and 10 king crab attached to your wife’s body and you get to keep half. In disbelief, Mr Smith asks what in the hell is the really good news. The coast guard officers state “we’re soaking her again this afternoon.
8
If I had to describe myself using one word, it would be, “Not very good at following instructions.”
7
The toothbrush was invented in Alabama,
anywhere else it would’ve been called the
teethbrush.
5
I wanted to start a new diet.
But I just feel like I have too much on my plate right now.
5
The dangers, as well as the embarrassment of nude sunbathing is illustrated by Kim Kardashian’s awful experience when she was nude sunbathing while at a Riviera beach in 2017.
For some reason, the sand crabs at that particular private beach were attracted to or were in some way driven to “invade” Ms. Kardashian’s rather ample backside, as it was completely exposed on the beach. Ms. Kardashian screamed in horror as she felt the snips from the crabs’ claws in a very sensitive spot.
When she was transferred to a hospital, doctors removed 47 sand crabs from her derriere and gave her a shot for tetanus.
A few days later when she was safely back home in Los Angeles, she held a press conference on her horrible nightmarish sand crab attack.
Ms. Kardashian said it was “sort of like a horror movie. You get these little crab thingies in your butt, biting you. Please don’t do what I did and sunbathe naked. If you want to sunbathe naked, wear a bikini or a one-piece. Those Riviera sand crabs of course are French crabs, always wanting to pinch your ass.”
3
Those crabs could’ve been coconut crabs, just saying.
3
Why don’t monsters eat ghosts?
Because they taste like sheet.
1
Two guys talking during a coffee break at work.
A Guy: Hey, I forgot to tell you my wife is pregnant.
Didja Know that nude sunbathing is not all it’s cracked up to be?
Joe Biden and John Doe were applying for the same job.
Both were interviewed, then had to take a short test.
When the results came back the boss called both of them into his office.
Boss: “You both have the qualifications we are looking for, you both interviewed well, you both got the same score on the test and you both got question 8 wrong. As a result I have decided that John Doe gets the job.”
Joe raised an eyebrow and asked: “So what made you select John over me?”
The boss said:
“Well for question 8, John’s answer was ‘I have no idea’.”
“Your answer question 8 was: ‘I don’t either’.”
BTW – the story is true… Joe Biden is the real joke!
Mr and Mrs Smith are out on the bay in their boat and crab pots. A sneaker wave rolls in, rocks the boat and Mrs Smith falls in without a life jacket and goes straight to the bottom. Mr. Smith frantically does what he can and calls the coast guard. After searching for hours, darkness sets in. The coast guard tell Mr Smith to go home and they will report to him in the morning.
The following morning there’s a knock on the door. Mr Smith answers the door and sees the coast guard officials.
They state to Mr Smith “we have some bad news, some good news and some really good news.” Mr Smith says “Ok give me the bad news”. Mr Smith we have found your wife and unfortunately she died by drowning. Mr Smith says “oh no, what’s the good news? The coast guard officers state, “there were 16 Dungeness crab and 10 king crab attached to your wife’s body and you get to keep half. In disbelief, Mr Smith asks what in the hell is the really good news. The coast guard officers state “we’re soaking her again this afternoon.
If I had to describe myself using one word, it would be, “Not very good at following instructions.”
The toothbrush was invented in Alabama,
anywhere else it would’ve been called the
teethbrush.
I wanted to start a new diet.
But I just feel like I have too much on my plate right now.
The dangers, as well as the embarrassment of nude sunbathing is illustrated by Kim Kardashian’s awful experience when she was nude sunbathing while at a Riviera beach in 2017.
For some reason, the sand crabs at that particular private beach were attracted to or were in some way driven to “invade” Ms. Kardashian’s rather ample backside, as it was completely exposed on the beach. Ms. Kardashian screamed in horror as she felt the snips from the crabs’ claws in a very sensitive spot.
When she was transferred to a hospital, doctors removed 47 sand crabs from her derriere and gave her a shot for tetanus.
A few days later when she was safely back home in Los Angeles, she held a press conference on her horrible nightmarish sand crab attack.
Ms. Kardashian said it was “sort of like a horror movie. You get these little crab thingies in your butt, biting you. Please don’t do what I did and sunbathe naked. If you want to sunbathe naked, wear a bikini or a one-piece. Those Riviera sand crabs of course are French crabs, always wanting to pinch your ass.”
Those crabs could’ve been coconut crabs, just saying.
Why don’t monsters eat ghosts?
Because they taste like sheet.
Two guys talking during a coffee break at work.
A Guy: Hey, I forgot to tell you my wife is pregnant.
B Guy: Really? You mean from you?