Q: Which Hollywood actors are on the Department of Homeland Security’s “No-Fly” list?
A: Vincent Price and Jeff Goldblum
11
I didn’t get it at first, “No-Fly”, good one. HELP ME!
9
There is a certain segment of liberals who keep gerbils as pets.
The president of GerbilsUSA, a nationwide association of gerbil owners, Robert De Niro, has announced a new and frightening condition for gerbils and their owners, called Gerbil Worming.
Mr. De Niro suggests giving less attention to Global Warming and more attention to the problem of Gerbil Worming. In an email sent out to all members of GerbilsUSA, Mr. De Niro suggests that members take their gerbils to their veterinarians without delay to get them de-wormed. Gerbil worms are tiny but they have sharp little teeth. If they get into a human body, starting at the top down, they can gnaw through your esophagus, your stomach lining, and eventually create holes in your colon and intestines. Or, they may start in your lower tract and work upwards to your throat. Either way, the effects of Gerbil Worming can be deadly. Gerbil worms were brought to the USA by infected gerbils from China,
Mr. De Niro: “Nobody wants gerbil worms. Get rid of them and get your gerbils de-wormed today”.
5
What’s the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly-dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire.
17
What do you call a woman with one leg shorter that the other? Eileen.
12
What’s the difference between “The Three Card Monty” and “The Three Card Bondi”? The Epstein files.
5
Actually I wouldn’t mind seeing the Full Bondi…
3
What do you call Eileen’s brother? Ben Dover.
7
If Eileen had been Chinese she would be Eireen.
10
Q: Why do Fish eat other fish?
A: Because they can’t catch a chicken.
8
How are spammers like baboons and chimps?
Both love to jerk off in public and fling shit.
7
People who take care of chickens are literally ‘Chicken Tenders’.
7
My wife says that romance is better on vacation. I wish she hadn’t told me via postcard.
9
Why was music coming from the printer? The paper was jamming.
9
My husband likes to play this game called “yell from four rooms away,” then gets upset when I can’t hear him.
6
Where have all the flowers gone?
Why to pot, of course.
5
Apparently, the new Pope has a mathematics degree from Villanova University. So, as a priest, he’s not only an expert in sin, but he also knows about cos. Plus, he has a fairly nice tan.
(Only nerds will get this.)
2
If he’s a mathematician, and he has a good tan, he should know everything about tan-genitals.
1
@ Harry I agree.
1
Q: Why have the British never manufactured a toaster?
A: They couldn’t find a way to make one leak oil.
6
Why are fish so healthy?
Because they only eat fish.
Q: Which Hollywood actors are on the Department of Homeland Security’s “No-Fly” list?
A: Vincent Price and Jeff Goldblum
I didn’t get it at first, “No-Fly”, good one. HELP ME!
There is a certain segment of liberals who keep gerbils as pets.
The president of GerbilsUSA, a nationwide association of gerbil owners, Robert De Niro, has announced a new and frightening condition for gerbils and their owners, called Gerbil Worming.
Mr. De Niro suggests giving less attention to Global Warming and more attention to the problem of Gerbil Worming. In an email sent out to all members of GerbilsUSA, Mr. De Niro suggests that members take their gerbils to their veterinarians without delay to get them de-wormed. Gerbil worms are tiny but they have sharp little teeth. If they get into a human body, starting at the top down, they can gnaw through your esophagus, your stomach lining, and eventually create holes in your colon and intestines. Or, they may start in your lower tract and work upwards to your throat. Either way, the effects of Gerbil Worming can be deadly. Gerbil worms were brought to the USA by infected gerbils from China,
Mr. De Niro: “Nobody wants gerbil worms. Get rid of them and get your gerbils de-wormed today”.
What’s the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly-dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire.
What do you call a woman with one leg shorter that the other? Eileen.
What’s the difference between “The Three Card Monty” and “The Three Card Bondi”? The Epstein files.
Actually I wouldn’t mind seeing the Full Bondi…
What do you call Eileen’s brother? Ben Dover.
If Eileen had been Chinese she would be Eireen.
Q: Why do Fish eat other fish?
A: Because they can’t catch a chicken.
How are spammers like baboons and chimps?
Both love to jerk off in public and fling shit.
People who take care of chickens are literally ‘Chicken Tenders’.
My wife says that romance is better on vacation. I wish she hadn’t told me via postcard.
Why was music coming from the printer? The paper was jamming.
My husband likes to play this game called “yell from four rooms away,” then gets upset when I can’t hear him.
Where have all the flowers gone?
Why to pot, of course.
Apparently, the new Pope has a mathematics degree from Villanova University. So, as a priest, he’s not only an expert in sin, but he also knows about cos. Plus, he has a fairly nice tan.
(Only nerds will get this.)
If he’s a mathematician, and he has a good tan, he should know everything about tan-genitals.
@ Harry I agree.
Q: Why have the British never manufactured a toaster?
A: They couldn’t find a way to make one leak oil.
Why are fish so healthy?
Because they only eat fish.