Bike Ride with Bono, Get Glammed Up with Kim Kardashian.
Have your vagina steamed with Gwyneth Paltrow.
Shart on an elevator with Al Roker.
Scrub emails with Hillary Clinton.
Eat an egg salad sandwich with Bernie Sanders.
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Lie straight into the faces of the families of our fallen dead with Hillary Clinton.
Spend a weekend “on the down-low” with the POTUS!
Go prostitute toe-sucking with Quentin Tarantino!
Show off your post-Thanksgiving weight gain in a semi-naked “glamour shoot” with “comedian” Amy Schumer.
Go gerbil hunting with Richard Gere.
Go “on the down low” and show off your post-Thanksgiving weight gain in a semi-naked “glamour shoot” with “Senator” Chuck Schumer.
Go on a rape date with Bill Clinton! ( females only )
Share a sausage with Barney Frank.
Play charades with Alexander Haig.
Count to ten with Secretariat of state John Kerry.
Go bear hunting with Leonardo DiCrapio
Why don’t you just go ahead and shoot me now! There is no way in Hell I’d ever want to associate with any of these people. And to make matters worse the silly season AKA the presidential election year begins in a month, lucky (or unlucky) us. Before the end of next my theme song might just be They’re coming to take me away. Ha, ha, ho, ho, to the funny farm…
Take a walk through the park with Vince Foster.
Drinking with Bob Beckel
Go pig racing with Joy Behar.
It doesn’t matter, Brian Williams did it all last week.
LOL!
Have a three-some wtih your favorite starlet . . . and Charlie Sheen.
Participrate in a spelling bee with Al Sharpton.
Be Charlie Sheens new “fiance” for a week.
Go to the movies with Pee-Wee Herman.
Go out with slick Willie and a $100 bill trolling for babes in a trailer park in Arkansas. Woo ha!
Wipe windows in Manhattan with Hillary.
Box ten rounds with Harry Reid.
Love you, Chalupa.
Celebrate Fidel Castro’s birthday with Sean Penn.
Drag Alan Grayson by the hair.
Take a Texas BBQ cooking class with Janet Reno.
Take photography lessons from Anthony Weiner.
Play with silly putty with Nancy Pelosi.
I’ll sign up for that one.
Glamor makeover by Michael Mooooore.
Burn hydrocarbons with Al Gore
Go island hopping with Hank Johnson.
Pie eating contest with Michelle Obama.
Go to a globull warming conference with either Al Gore or Prince Charles.
Get your eyebrows done with Whoopi Goldberg
Watch a Jane Fonda or Barbara Streisand movie willingly.
Attend a Miami Heat game with Michael Mann.
Investigating Al Capone with Geraldo Rivera
Fossil hunting with Jerry Brown.
Shopping in racist areas with Oprah
Make sandwiches with Chris Dodd. (Teddy not available)
Fun with semaphore signals and John McCain.
Shop for a new dress with Bruce Jenner.
Watch Bill Nye the science nitwit ever again.
Spray tan-golf-drink triathlon with John Boehner
Tour famous closets with John Travolta
Win a date with Rosa DeLauro.
Graceful living with miley cyrus
Singing lessons with Rhianna.
Ever think that barry is the best president ever, and that Hillary Clinton and John Kerry are the best Sec. of States ever.
A ride in the Munster dragster with Paul Ryan.
Have an anal threesome with Reggie love and Potus.
Free throw lessons from DeAndre Jordan.
Going on Celine Dion’s 4th “I’m retiring tour”. You know, for real this time.
Free shopping spree with Bernie Sanders in a store without permission.
Going to a Dressing Modestly seminar with Jennifer lopez
yer killin’ me Unky!
Sweating with an Oldie! With Bernie Sanders.
Get yourself adopted by Angelina Jolie
Watchmaking with Flava Flave
Killing time with Larry King
Etiquette lessons with Lisa Lampanelli
Lessons in sneering with Nancy Grace.
Ooo Ooo, let me do that one! I’ll drop him off in the La Brea Tar Pits!
At home dentistry with Bernie Sanders
Nutrition classes with Rosie O’Donnell
Getting married with Wanda Sykes as your Best Man
Shopping at Walmart with Kim Kardashian
Have an Italian Dinner with Hillary Clinton at Ben Gazi’s
Love all y’all here too, Redskin 🙂
Tour of all Dunkin Donuts in New York with Elena Kagan.
A poodle self dog wash with Al Gore.
…while eating an egg salad sandwich. OK – I just grossed myself out.
Lesbian truck driver lessons with Janet Napolitano and Michael Moore.
Dead voting tips with Hugo Chavez.
Touring girls’ locker rooms with Joe Biden.
Ballet lessons with Rahm Emanuel.
Face painting with Henry Waxman.
Turtle races with Mitch McConnell.
Habitat For Subhumanity mosque building with Jimmy Carter.
That was me.
Or a how many peas can you shove up your nose contest with Henry Waxman.
Soda tasting festival with Michael Bloomberg.
Looking for loopholes Bible study with Jeremiah Wright.
Condom water balloon fight with Sandra Fluke.
Where? Under the boat house?
Thanksgiving Dinner with Elizabeth Warren
Complete make over with Rachel Dolezal
Weekend in the Dominican Republic with Bob Menendez.
Jail and Bail with Obama and Hillary (No funds required)
Fashion and beauty advice from Rep. Rosa DeLauro, (D-CT).
Topless Car Wash with Hillary Clinton, Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Elena Kagan
Singing lessons from Yoko Ono.
Find Rosie Odonnel ‘s Vagina
Making America Great Again with Donald Trump
Hahahaha! Vacuum cleaner dust glued to his scalp!
knitting with Amy Schumer….making a hat with only her navel lint…
Actually GET AIDS from fornicating Pam Anderson… oh, wait, she doesn’t really have … well, now WTF. What DID tommy Lee inject her with??
These are too good! I’m late, but I’m inspired by all the great comments.
Take professional puppeteer lessons from master puppeteer Valery Jarrett, and build an amazing high-tech clock with Ahmed Mohamad at the same time. Free lunch and pictures will be provided by CAiR.
WACO: What A Cook Out.
Or, shopping at Wal-Mart with Michelle Obama, only buying items from the top shelf, and asking her to reach them for you.
You left out Sonia Sotomayor.