Chakrubs

Apparently you aren’t “learning to quiet the mind in order to feel subtle energies, develop emotional intelligence, strengthen self-awareness, and accepting every aspect of who you are,” unless you have an overly-priced piece of stone in your hooha.

 

Oddly, after all that self-righteousness and self-assurance, Chakrubs says their product looks like home decor so you won’t be embarrassed if someone sees it.

The average price is 150 bucks. That’s a lot of shekels for a petrified carrot.

I know some guy name Hank. He’ll make you feel subtle energies for a cig and a sandwich.

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37 Comments on Chakrubs

  1. I heard that Linsee Graham nearly choked to death on one … McClain had to give him ass-to-mouth perspiration …

  2. They were called facial massagers when I was looking at the Monkey Wards/Sears catalogs when I was a youth….right next to the “under garment” section as I recall…

  3. Chakrub? … shouldn’t it be ‘ChakROD?

    … brings new meaning to having a ‘hard one’

    (let the ‘boner’ jokes begin!)

  4. I own a marble mortar and pestle for cooking. Crushed herbs, salt whatever. The resemblance is striking and the thought never even entered my mind.

  5. So now when you walk into your friend’s house, there’s a chance she may announce, “Guess which item in the living room goes up my crotch?”
    Nasty bitches.

  6. If u Believe in Global Warming then you’ll have to toss Decadent Toys out !
    Also no Lube for U, only Tree Sap or Spittle Ladies.

  7. So, based on the photo, it looks like Barack has a new career as a hand model. Or is that his personal Paleo-dildo?

  8. I just looked it up. Those quartz lady daggers were first discovered in a Pharaoh’s tomb, King Imohot-tub, in the section where his wife’s servants were buried. They called it Pharaoh’s Babysitter and there’s a terrible curse attached to it.

    “If to the Pharaoh you’re wed
    And he cannot be found in your bed.
    This stone can be used
    It will keep you amused
    ‘Cause if you’re found with a slave boy, you’re dead.”

  9. Note to self: these days when in others’ homes, assume that anything which can be inserted in a body cavity, has been.

  10. Anonymous,

    That’s a safe bet.

    As some one who makes a living in other people’s homes – I really didn’t need this truthful reminder.

    I find the real things and it’s shudder worthy to move a bed to treat a wall for termites and find them. Rarely is the home owner there at that moment, but they have to put two and two together that their lost whatever was found and now available to them again. Kind of gross to see a dusty (cough cough) and know where it is meant to be used.

    The list is very long of shit I find that they hadn’t seen in forever. Guns included. You grow a thick skin after so many years, but it can get amusing.

    I love my job.

  11. Best one was walking in on the wife and maid going at it. Funny, that was the last time I serviced that place. Hmm wonder why.

  12. … imagine my relief when, after reading the article, to realize that was not a picture of the world’s largest suppository

  13. The part I like, is there is no motor. You have to imaging the vibrations.
    PT Barnum is smiling down from Heaven

  14. Would this ‘device’ pass Airport Screening I wonder?
    Because it could probably be used to break into the cockpit.

    And do they make a Mighty Joe Young size for say, the former First ‘Lady”?? 🙂

  15. Ha ha!
    The news jus come in – Barry knokt out too of his teef!
    Moose musta ben shuvvin pretty hard ……

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