Detestable Daily Mail Jerking Their Readers Around

The Daily Mail is engaging in #Fap News, with huge headlines about The Juice being possibly denied parole after being caught shaking hands with Abe Lincoln in his jail cell.

The story went on to say that this is expressly forbidden in federal prisons.

Huh?

It’s illegal to engage in a dutch rudder, but not to have a little alone time. That would fall under “cruel and unusual punishment.”

Go to TMZ for more.

32 Comments on Detestable Daily Mail Jerking Their Readers Around

  1. In their defense, It has previously been determined that yanking your own quiver will always make it available to find the true murderer….

  2. “shaking hands with Abe Lincoln”

    “feeding the geese”

    I am getting a full urban lingo lesson today, thank you.

  3. I KNEW the comments here were going to make me laugh! Keep those euphemisms “coming”. 😂

  4. So, this nurse is making her rounds checking on the patients on the dementia ward. She walks into Gary’s room, and there he is on his back in bed, with his hands at 10 and 2 like he’s holding a steering wheel.

    “Gary? What are you doing?”

    “I’m driving to Detroit!” he replies.

    She leaves and enters Jimmy’s room which is right next door. There is Jimmy in bed really going to town on himself.

    “Jimmy! What are you doing?!”

    “I’m fucking Gary’s wife while he’s in Detroit!”

  5. “draining the swamp”
    “polishing the pole”
    “playing pocket pool”
    “practicing being married” (from my Mennonite brother)
    “dating my self”

  6. 5 Knuckle Shuffle
    Waxin’ The Carrot
    Floggin’ The Dolphin
    Shaking Hands With The Unemployed
    Going To Palm Beach
    Workin’ The Gherkin

  7. Mary Palmer and her five sisters?
    You know the old saying:
    ‘Show me a man that says he never choked his chicken and I’ll show you a man with feathers from one end of his house to the other ….’

  8. That’s why I could never buy the Edward Scissorhands story – an adolescent male, with scissor hands, still able to please the ladies?
    Ce Impossible!

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