March 5, 2016
The most dis-interesting man in the world…
He once went a year without bathing…
I read that and busted out laughing! That is a good one!
He lives vicariously in Soviet Russia
He tips an astonishing -100%.
Panhandlers give HIM money.
Red White & Loo
His passport number is 000000001
Miller Low Life
He donated his brain to science and they returned it postage due.
He eats a hearty breakfast, sometimes his own.
Bernie’s Pub… Special. “Buy two, get the second one at Half Price.”
He doesn’t need Secret Service protection because he is already dead.
To him a pie eating contest means: Free Pie
His favorite classmate was Methuslah.
He was once prepared to buy his own lunch, cooler heads prevailed
Good, I dropped a few cigrits into it, drink up.
Yes, they were asshole buddies, as Joe Biden would say.
He can gulp down dry, banquet chicken and Green room pastries like it was manna from Heaven
He was once bitten by a rattlesnake. 5 excruciating days later the rattlesnake developed a Brooklyn accent.
He doesn’t always drink beer, but when he does he gets gas like a M^$#*^ F%^#!@
He can make a laughing hyena weep.
His stupidity has been detected by seismographs.
He once gave the blind discounted haircuts to put himself through Barber
He once won a fist fight by merely flapping his armpit.
Barber School. Dash it all!
He once was the parasitic twin
His organ donation card lists your kidneys.
He was born in 1941 America and wants to die in 1941 Germany
His motto is Su casa es Mi casa
I don’t always take 90% of your income and redistribute the way I see fit.
Well actually yes I do.
He uses Preparation L.
He taught MLK how to dream
He was the gardener of the grassy knoll
He helped OJ find the real killers
One of his nasty Chipolte farts knocked down World Trade Center Seven
He learned magic so he could entertain his school friends in the cafeteria by making their lunches disappear
Today has been BASH BERNIE DAY…
AND I’M LOVIN’ IT!
He once partied like it was 1899
He wagered that Russia would make it to the moon first
How about one with Bill Cosby.
“I don’t always spike drinks, but when I do I get laid”
“Hey hey hey…jello pudding pops!”
I don’t always drink beer but when I do the nurses take it away from me.
I bet he drinks the cheap Filipino beer San Miguel, we called it San Magoo, it’s the world’s worst beer. It’s even worse than Corona or Budweiser, nasty stuff.
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