Fireworks Display Brought To You By… – IOTW Report

Fireworks Display Brought To You By…

Tuesday, 4 July 2023, 12:00 MJA Uncategorized 34

Count your blessings! (And your parts 😂)

34 Comments on Fireworks Display Brought To You By…

  2. They need to be illegal again. People have no clue, no common sense, and no respect for their neighbors. These are also the clowns that will be setting them off, drunk, at 3:00 am.

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  7. At today’s prices that was probably 2 grand of fireworks up in smoke not to mention the damage to the family truckster… not mention the stupidity of parking the boom-booms under the gas tank!!

    Dumb-Shitz gone wild!

    13

  9. A man’s got to know his limitations.

    Letting a man who drives a minivan anywhere near anything other than the sparklers is not going to end well. It just isn’t.

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  10. “And the rocket’s red glare, the bomb bursting in air,
    Gave proof through the night that some people are too stupid to live”

    Sorry, Francis, we live in different times.

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  13. I knew a guy who was deaf, and had twice lost a finger reaching under his lawn mower to see if it was running. The defective gene is still rampant.

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  14. I used to run across the border to get fireworks where it was legal to obtain 2″ single shot mortars, the ones that throw big sparks in the sky and make a big bang. Picked up extra cannons to shoot them out of and come home to where it’s totally illegal to have them and have a quick fireworks show before the police could do a damn thing about it.

    Nail the cannons to a board, load the mortars, tie the fuses all together in one massive single fuse, light, and enjoy the ridiculous show for about 45 seconds. I did it for a few years and quit after having dreams of the board tipping over and shooting us all in the face.

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  16. You kids set all those fireworks behind the van by the fuel tank. We’ll have the kids set them off 20 feet away from the stockpile and while you’re inside grab me a couple more beers.

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  17. One Fourth of July about 25 years ago the neighbor’s who had a yard full of juniper had it go up like the Hindenburg. There ain’t shit anyone is going to do about it except call 911. The fire station is only five blocks away and by the time they got there the excitement was pretty much over. The shit burns hot and it burns fast, but the duration of it is so short it normally flashes off without setting secondary fuel ablaze. In this case it actually did ignite the curtains and was spreading.

    My neighbor and I are standing there looking things over and he’s saying Thank you Lord, thank you. I said: Bob, I don’t like the sonsabitches either, but don’t find need to call on God to burn their shit to the foundation. He said that isn’t what he was giving thanks for. He was thanking God that his teenage kids were out of town and it couldn’t have been them.

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  24. I just watched again The Great American 4th of July and Other Disasters from PBS’s American Playhouse from 1982 on You Tube. You just gotta love Jean Shepherd’s story about the old man, Ralph, Flick and Schwarz, the town drunk Ludlow Kissell who blew everything up with a huge mortar shell and the old man’s spectacular finale fireworks display. And of course, Ralph’s crazy mom who sent all her wash towels on a chain letter to Mrs. YY Flirtz of Fishingon, Michigan and received over 17,000 wash towels in return when her name got to the top of the list. I still think this is a better Jean Shepherd TV movie than A Christmas Story. It’s one of my 4th of July traditions to watch. Back in the day American Playhouse was one of PBS’s better programs that my wife and I watched a lot. Good stuff Maynard!

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  25. @ Rich Taylor AT 1:04 PM

    When I was about twenty I had a girlfriend who wanted me to take her to Don’s Hobby Shop to purchase an electric train power supply. Thankfully I ask if it was for her younger brother. Nope, she had another use in mind.

    Let’s just say, I’m not in favor of setting up a scenario in which I’m explaining to a doctor how my asshole ended up looking like a Kingsford briquette. You got to treat your asshole with the respect it deserves or risk serious consequences. I had an earlier girlfriend who worked at the Rexall Drugs pharmacy and one day while waiting for her to get off work I was looking around and of the eight aisles of medications and supplies practically an entire aisle was dedicated to fixing a broken or damaged asshole. Do the math on that one.

    Don’t take no chances and follow the directions explicitly.

    What in tarnation would ever give a guy the notion that lighting a pyrotechnic in which the nozzle is directed at his asshole is a good idea escapes me.

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  28. When I was a kid, I never got to have fireworks. However, dad and I did fire off quite a few volleys from 50 cal black powder rifle and pistol. Fun shit. 😎

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  29. My buddy has an Acetylene Cannon made from a Duce and a half driveshaft in a concrete block. He loads it from the welding bottles and fires it off on the Fourth of July. Other than that the only time he sets it off is if the neighbor’s dogs won’t STFU. Safe and effective barker stopper. The shock wave wakes the bastards up and they go out and lock their mutts in the barn where they belong at night.

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  31. Here in North Florida and in Georgia, sales are restricted to splarkers, bottle rockets, etc.
    However, Alabama is very close by.
    There have been people in our area firing the damn things off since the end of a June.
    Our Maltese dog is a nervous wreck.

    1

  33. This Fireworks Spectacular was brought to you by SimpliSafe.
    RUN!
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