Inmate unHung Himself in Jail Cell

KUTV-

An inmate at the Montgomery County Correctional Facility used a razor to cut off his own penis Saturday, sources told ABC7’s Kevin Lewis.

Jail staff made the discovery — which, according to Lewis, left them horrified — around 3 p.m. during a shift change. Paramedics then took the man to a Northern Virginia hospital that specializes in “traumatic limb reattachment.”

His status since being taken to the hospital is unclear.

The man, who is believed to have mental health issues, was booked into the jail in February for second-degree assault and resisting arrest.

more

Mental health issues?

No way!

ht/ fdr in hell

30 Comments on Inmate unHung Himself in Jail Cell

  1. Reminds me of the story of Boston Corbett, the Union soldier credited with killing John Wilkes Booth. He cut off his whanger and testicals with a pair of scissors.

    Mine does what it wants – very disobedient, has a mind of its own. But I can’t get that angry with it.




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  2. maybe he just wanted to donate his foreskin to that guy in England & couldn’t think of a better way of mailing his package




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  3. yeah, Bruce Jenner has his surgically removed … but this guy has a ‘mental health issue’




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  4. Hmmmmm.
    That’s near where I grew up.
    They didn’t give his name. I probably don’t know him. At least I hope I don’t.




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  5. Well that’s just a shame. PfffftHahaha.

    Reminds me of an old joke about a guy who lost his Johnson in a terrible accident. The doctors told him that they were making remarkable progress by grafting baby elephant trunks to replace the severed penis.
    He agrees to the procedure.
    Meets a nice girl and they become engaged. At dinner with her parents, the baby elephant trunk comes up from under the table and snags a baked potato, to nobody’s notice than the man and his mother-in-law to be.
    She asks if she had seen what she thought she saw. Can you do that again?

    No ma’am. There’s not room up my ass for another potato.

    I ‘ll be here all week. Don’t forget to tip your waitresses, bartenders and IOTW Report.




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  6. Your joke reminds me of an old Buddy Hackett one, @PHenry.

    Guy goes to an Asian whorehouse and has a highly entertaining and enriching evening.

    A week later, he notices that his dick is purple and scarlet and green, and goes to a doctor.

    The doctor looks and says “sir, youn need surgery. That’s going to have to come off.”

    Obviously distressed by this prognosis, he seeks a second opinion, and a third, and gets the same answer.

    After all this negative news, he thinks, “I got it in an Asian brothel, so maybe an Asian doctor can help me”.

    He goes to a doctor in Chinatown, knocks on the fringe, and enters on the doctor’s summons. He tells the doctor what he did and what he got, his fear of having to cut it off, and shows him the offending member.

    The doctor looks at it and laughs, and says, “you no need cut off!”

    Relieved, our hero says, “thank you, Doc, that’s a relief, I had all those other docs say I did”.

    To which Doctor Chang says, “Amerlican doctors no know, its a Chinese disease. No, you no need cut off. Couple of days, that ting fall off on its own.”




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  7. See, I warned you that new Gilette Toxic Male commercial was going to have negative consequences. He was going for a Brazilian and ended up taking off all of South America.




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  8. I thought it was interesting that this was a KUTV (Utah?) story about some insane bastid in MD……
    I have no severed junk jokes as the whole concept gives me the willies………
    “Speaking the truth in times of universal deceit is a revolutionary act.” Geo. Orwell




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  9. …back in the pre-Target/Planet Fitness days whet it was still wrong, a guy REALLY needed to go, and the men’s bathroom was closed so he went into the ladies’.

    This was a fancy toilet in a fancy place, so after he finished his sit-down job he looked at the small console on the wall, which had 3 buttons: W, A, and ATR.

    He pushed the “W” button and a jet of warm water thoroughly cleansed his ass. “Hey, that’s nice”, he thought, “Let’s see what the next one does”.

    He pushed “A”, and warm air completely dried his ass.

    “Wow, chicks have it pretty good. Wonder what the last one does”, and with that he pushed ATR.

    Later, when he woke up at the hospital, he was talking to the doc and said,”the last thing I remember is pressing buttons in the ladies’ room
    What the hell happened, Doc?’

    To which the doctor replied, “ATR means Automatic Tampon Remover. Your dick is under your pillow”.




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  10. Similar lines about the Patient getting a new Pee Pee

    Doctor: “Here’s a 12″, a 14″ and a 16”

    Patient: “Those are nice Doc…But do You have anything in white?”




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  11. Now stumpin’ nods Jethro, I can be proud about growin’ up near,
    thought it was interesting that this was a KUTV (Utah?) story about some insane bastid needing a new tag line about dystopian fantasy Hero George Orwell.




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  12. Very funny. Right in the middle of this story is this pop-up ad: “Urologist reveals: Men, fix your ED by doing this (try tonight).”
    hahahaha




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  13. Old Joke: what do rabbis do with the foreskins after they hack them off?

    They sell them to queers to use as chewing gum.




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  14. “Paramedics then took the man to a Northern Virginia hospital that specializes in “traumatic limb reattachment.”

    Well-spent taxpayer’s money, right?

    See Idiocracy.




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  15. Tim Buktu
    Older joke ;
    Only giving back to the community as a public service,
    working for tips,,
    After which comes yours,,
    best wishes and warm smiles,,
    good one!




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  16. There is a related true story in the book, Racehoss: Big Emmas’ Boy. A book I read maybe 25 years ago.

    Racehoss (Albert Race Sample) was an inmate in a segregated prison in Texas in the 1950s/60s. Think Cool Hand Luke type of existence.

    The biggest, meanest inmate in the prison forced another inmate to be make a decision – Provide sexual services daily or get the hell beat out of ya. The first option was chosen, but only once. Afterwards option two was chosen. Until the day when he hide a razor blade inside a fold in his bath towel, and removed his tormentor’s, ah, member, while performing the demanded act. No one wanted to pick it up and send it onto the hospital where maybe it could be reattached. Finally someone swept it into a dust pan, while wondering about & lamenting the fun he would no longer have with it.

    Gruesome story, about an appendage that never grew-some again.

    https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/36373226-racehoss .




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  17. Blink, you magnificent bastard!
    Such timing!
    The Ryans Steakhouse Story
    http://www.ihos.com/steakhouse.html
    (a long but great read).
    The long-in-the-tooth internet dwellers here will problely remember this.

    Hopefully, the need purpose of prosperity for in-informed young-ins’
    in search of a aid to understand humor might find it worthwhile.
    Also why they should think twice before eating at Chi polities.




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