Man tells police he has sex with pool floats instead of raping women

YES, it’s Florida.

SebastianDaily-

A man told police that he steals pool floats to have sex with them instead of raping women, according to the Palm Bay Police Department.

The City of Palm Bay has been plagued with burglaries during the past seven months. Police say the burglary suspect enters the victim’s pool deck area and steals their pool floats. There have been thirteen cases reported.

On Thursday morning at approximately 1:25 a.m., police stopped a suspicious person who had a large garbage bag full of deflated pool floats.

Christopher William Monnin, 35, admitted to stealing the pool floats, and recently a bacon-shaped one because he has sex with them, the report said.

“Defendant stated that he sexually gratifies himself with the floats and does this instead of raping women,” the officer said.

Police went to Monnin’s home, located at the 1000 block of Starfire Street in Palm Bay, and found approximately 75 pool floats.

The victim of the bacon shaped pool float does wish to pursue charges, according to the affidavit.

ht/ cynic

 

21 Comments on Man tells police he has sex with pool floats instead of raping women

  1. “The victim of the bacon shaped pool float does wish to pursue charges, according to the affidavit.”

    but the victim also doesn’t care to get the float back.

    14
  2. Looking at his photo, I just can’t understand why he would do this. He just looks totally normal. 🙄

    And, dammit, bacon is one of my favorite foods! I hope this doesn’t interfere with my enjoyment of bacon, FUR!

    15
  3. The victim of the bacon shaped pool float

    Oh! Thank the Lard!

    I saw the picture. I stared at the picture. And all I could think is, “It’s IOTWReport. It must be memelicious. But all I see is bacon.”

    2
  4. It’s really a cute and uplifting love story when you think of it. Bacon meets Vienna Sausage.

    5
  5. If he has the cognizance to be aware of a choice between committing rape and…that, I don’t believe him. If he can choose not to rape, he can certainly choose not to…that. But he chooses to do…it…anyway.

    5

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