Scholars Now Believe Saul Threw Spear At David For Playing Christmas Music Well Before Thanksgiving

BABYLON BEE: WORLD—Scholars all over the world now believe that King Saul actually threw a spear at David after the young musician insisted on playing Christmas music well before Thanksgiving.

It was early November, just after Halloween and still a couple weeks before Thanksgiving, and David played Christmas music, even though it wasn’t really even close to December yet. read more

11 Comments on Scholars Now Believe Saul Threw Spear At David For Playing Christmas Music Well Before Thanksgiving

  1. …I worked in retail stores for 30 years, including the 3 months of Christmas every year. As a self-defensive reaction, I devised a full compliment of filthy versions of EVERY Chiristmas song, which STILL gives me trouble singing them at Church 20 years later.

    …were I Saul, I would not have MISSED

  2. David should have cut Saul’s throat, instead of his robe, while Saul went into the cave to take a dump (1Sam. 24), and saved himself a lot of grief later on.

    I don’t mind the Christmas displays at Costco in September, or even the Christmas movies on Hallmark all of November, but don’t start the Christmas music until Dec 1, ever.

  3. ^^^^ Tar-gette is too politically-correct for me. they’d ban Christmas if it didn’t hurt their bottom dollar … the hypocrites ^^^^

    otho, I’m pretty sure Saul did shot David in the eye w/ his trusty Red Rider, double-action BB gun

  4. One of my first jobs in Seattle was with a local arts and crafts import chain and they had Christmas trees decorated and Christmas music playing on September 1st. Tooo soon!!! Nothing Christmasy happens at our house till after Thanksgiving.

  5. Illustr8r, try telling that to mrs6pak. I’m cleaning up the kitchen while she is watching a Hallmark Christmas movie. In her car it’s Sirius Christmas music. She’s not the first to start, but she has no problem being the second.

  6. I’m pretty sure it was one of the commandments that Moses gave Noah right after he built the ark for him. #11 Thou shalt not play Christmas music before its time.

  7. I told David not to play that damned music!
    But NO! He said that one day, Bach would be a great name in music!
    I said “Bach? Like in “Bachman- Turner Overdrive?”

    And he said “No! Like in, y’know, Johann, Christian, CPE!”

    I said “Shit, dude, we gotza wait like 1700 years for that!”

    Anyhow, Saul couldn’t throw for shit – in fact, he hit my camel! Din’t kill him, though.
    Good times … good times …

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