The New Pub – IOTW Report

The New Pub

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An old guy walks into a new pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:

#3 HAND-JOB: £10.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive women serving drinks to a meagre looking group of men.

“Yes?” she inquires with a knowing smile, “can I help you?”

“I was wondering,” whispers the man, “are you the one who gives the handjobs?”

“Yes,” she purrs, “I am.”

The man replies, “Well wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger.”


 h/t MMac

20 Comments on The New Pub

  1. He has low expectations…tell her to wash her hands and then deliver both…then she can have the tip…

  2. Is that the voice of experience? J/k. It is sage advice.

  3. Washing your hands would do very little in stopping the spread of an STD.
    That’s why I don’t eat anywhere but home.

  4. “Waitress, do you have Frog’s Legs?”
    “Great! Hop into the kitchen and grab me a Cheeseburger!”

  5. because of all the hand jobs?

  6. Have you considered wearing disposable gloves?

  7. As soon as I read it I passed it along. Right away, one after the other I got good responses. That was a good one.

  8. So, there was this kike, a wop, and a nig … huh?

    Oh … Jill says I can’t tell that one … even here …

  9. Black guy. a muslim and a commie walk into a bar.
    “What’ll it be Mr President”?

  10. Frank Sinatra to waiter at Lindies restaurant, NYC.

    Do you serve crabs here?

    Waiter: We serve anyone, take a seat.

  11. “The Past, Present and Future walked into a bar. It was really tense.”

  12. That sounds like the same waitress that the midget propositioned with “Hey Honey, whadya say to a little f#@k?”

    She looked down at him and said:
    “Hello you little f#@k!”

  13. Well, as long as we’re telling jokes… 🙂

    A little girl is sitting on the floor of a barbershop, eating a cookie while her father gets a haircut. The way she is sitting, with her legs spread and her knees up, reveals that she is not wearing any underpants under her dress. The barber decides it would be improper to comment on it, so he keeps silent and looks away.

    The girl drops her cookie on the floor amid some hair clippings, then picks it up and continues eating. The barber notices this and says, “Excuse me, Miss, but do you know you have hair on your cookie?”

    Little girl replies, “Yeah, ain’t it a bitch? I’m only nine.”

  14. A negro, a white guy, a drug-addict, a homosexual, a moslem, a Marxist, a Kenyan, an Indonesian, a disbarred lawyer, an affirmative action adjunct professor, and a narcissist walk into a bar … and the bartender asks “What’ll it be, Mr. Preznit?”

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