These are the guys Jussie Smollett Fought Off

He works out with them, they worked on Empire, they followed each other on social media, but they attacked him.

He fought them off, while on the phone and not losing his sandwich.

I believe Jussie.

I’m also a moron.

40 Comments on These are the guys Jussie Smollett Fought Off

  1. The rope around the neck was a prop in some gay fantasy/ sexual asphyxiation thing.
    Bleach is self explanatory, because Ewwww. The A on the MAGA hats stood for Anal sex.

    Hey my version is more believable than Smollet’s.

    20
  2. If those two guys attacked Smollett, a dark stain on the sidewalk would’ve been all that remained. Maybe he was injured by the shock wave from the shorter one carelessly flexing a bicep.

    10
  3. Jussie you Pussie! You fought off these two MAGA assailants in only sixty seconds? I’m not sure I completely believe your version of this horrendous assault on your homohood. Why not just admit that you ran inside your building when you realized that these two Nigerians were probably going off script. I’ll bet they are singing like two Nigerian basso profundo opera singers to keep from being extradited back to the shithole known as Lagos.

    11
  4. They seem the kind of guys who would give the sandwich back to a person they just attacked. Glad you cleared that up. I was starting to think the whole thing was a hoax.

    15
  5. The Producers are now trying to figure out how to get rid of this guy without any press reporting, the stars are likely starting to give him the cold shoulder, his agent is reporting that any offers he had before the incident have now dried up and his lawyer is telling him to shut the f*ck up about anything because he may just be in large trouble (even though ot’s Chicago).
    This story will fade away just like he will. Another six months and he’ll be a trivia question response.

    11
  6. Does anyone believe this dude at this point?
    – Is he so delusional he still thinks people believe his story?

    6
  7. Milli Vanilli on steroids or a funkier more urban Right Said Fred? Either way this whole thing is a fake or a one-hit wonder.

    4
  8. PHenry nailed it. I’ve been thinking the same thing for the past few days: this was a gay encounter, the rope being for what sex perverts do to heighten the experience (he passed out and hit his head). the bleach to wash away the scat-semen-lubricant froth, the made-up story to cover the shame.

    6
  9. Off topic slightly, but what’s the point of black guys getting tattoos? They are almost completely illegible.

    12
  10. Everybody was King Fu Fighting
    That’s the only kind of fighting where you can block flying kicks with a sandwich, or a phone.

    8
  11. Mr. Smellit fought them off while talking on his phone and simultaneously eating a foot-long.

    Mr. Smellit is very strong.

    4
  12. The Nigerian Mutt and Jeff could have made mens meat out of Smollett without even trying. The whole situation is stupidity overload.

    5
  13. They were arrested for running an internet email scam.
    Just Smellitt sent them the tax portion of his yuge inheritance.
    It wasn’t enough.

    4
  14. Cliche Guevara (above) said: “No, stop, don’t. Not my ass. Anywhere but my ass.”

    THAT is one of THE fuckin’ funniest things I’ve read in a LONG time!

    This thing’s unraveling faster’n swap meet sweat socks, am I right?

    YankeeBubba

    5
  15. Smollett goes to the ER after his alleged beating and the doctor says, “I’ll have to take your temperature.” Smollett says, “HEY, that’s not my mouth!” The doctor replies, “Yes, and that’s not a thermometer.”

    3
  16. Chicago PD let them go without charges. Said they gave a lot of info and they’re looking into it. Whatever that’s supposed to mean.
    Wonder if they spilled the beans on Jussie. He was the one who hired them as extras.

    2
  17. Just sayen, please visit my gym. And be sure to bring that snappy head gear. i’m their early, and at about 6;00 AM.

    1
  18. YankeeBubba FEBRUARY 15, 2019 AT 7:06 PM
    Cliche Guevara (above) said: “No, stop, don’t. Not my ass. Anywhere but my ass.”

    LOL
    Ha! It’s death or bunga?

    source: http://jokes4us.com/dirtyjokes/bungajoke.html
    Three guys are captured by a tribe of natives in a far off land. They are brought before the tribal leader who gives them a choice. He says, “what will you have, death or bunga?”. The first guys thinks, hmmm wonder what bunga is. “I’ll take the bunga”. The tribal leader says, “good”. Then a dozen tribal members line up and give it to him in the rear. The tribal leader turns to the second guy and gives him the choice, death, or bunga. The second guy thinks, hmm, that bunga thing is pretty nasty. But death is permanent, “I’ll take the bunga”. Tribal leader says, “good”, and a hundred tribesmen line up and give him the bunga. The tribal leader gives the choice to the third captive. He thinks a while, hmm, first it was a dozen, then it was a hundred, I don’t know man. Heck with it, “I’ll take death”. The tribal leader says, “good, death …. by bunga”.

    source: http://jokes4us.com/dirtyjokes/bungajoke.html

    1

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