They’re Not Just Fun Bags, They’re anti-Gun Bags

From the “completely stupid file,” there have been studies suggesting breast implants can reduce the risk of death by gunshot… providing you get shot directly in one of them.

Here’s anecdotal evidence.


Lydia Carranza was working in the office of a dentist in Beverly Hills, California when a gunman ran in and opened fire.

He aimed the weapon directly at her heart but one of her silicone implants took the force of the blow, stopping bullet fragments from reaching her vital organs.

The gunman had gone to the dental office looking for his wife, who also worked there. She was shot and killed in the attack. Mrs Carranza was sitting a few feet away when the gunman turned on her.

“She’s just one lucky woman,” surgeon Dr Ashkan Ghavami told the Los Angeles Times. “The bullet fragments were millimetres from her heart and her vital organs. Had she not had the implant, she might not be alive today.”

Mrs Carranza, a mother of three and grandmother of two, had implants some years ago to change from a B-cup to a D-cup.

When the gun was pointed at her she “didn’t look or think about it,” she told the Los Angeles Times. “I just felt wet in my chest area. I thought I was going to die.”

Jaime Paredes, the alleged gunman, is awaiting trial on charges including murder following the shooting in July.


Here’s the new police force in a forward thinking town hellbent on protecting their officers from gunshots.

I’m researching their real estate prices right now. See you later.

Ht/ Dr. Jay


16 Comments on They’re Not Just Fun Bags, They’re anti-Gun Bags

  1. We’ll never know, because to find out we’d have to have a well-designed experiment with a test group with implants and a control group equipped merely with big tits. Who would shoot any of them?

  2. Wouldn’t they actually be Anti Bullet Bags? Anti Missile Mammaries? Ballistic proof Boobs? Magnum Proof Meat Puppets? Terminal Velocity Proof Torpedoes?

    It’s not like they’re protesting the NRA.

  3. When my wife stipulated I get my nuts cut, I elected to have them replaced with titanium. In a pinch they are good for loading a mini cannon, just like the original.

  4. To accelerate the implementation of this strategy, only women and transgenders with size C and bigger will be hired until the guys get their titties on.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.