Toilet Paper Calculator – IOTW Report

Toilet Paper Calculator


It appears the outbreak of the new coronavirus has spurred fears not just of catching the illness, but also running out of toilet paper.

This has led to excessive hoarding and empty supermarket shelves, meaning many shoppers are now unable to purchase even the most basic supplies of toilet paper.

Enter the toilet paper calculator. Plug in the number of people in your household and the amount of time spent in isolation, and it will work out how much of it you need. The aim is to stop people from stockpiling more than is necessary. More

37 Comments on Toilet Paper Calculator

  1. The calculator fails to account for real world variables such as:
    The size of the target area
    The quantity and type of amunition
    The accuracy of the shooter

  2. How absolutely moronic! What if someone in your house has direahea, is there a calculation for that? A neighbor asks you for a few rolls. This calculator is theoretical and should not be used in real life.

  3. JD I went to return a block of cheese at Costco wrong kind and the gal at the counter told me that they throw all returned food items away for fear of tampering.
    I kept it.

  4. @ Left Coast Dan MARCH 21, 2020 AT 2:12 PM

    For males toilet paper is a necessity, for females it is an invitation to an extravaganza. God help ya’ if you have the Mr Whipple stuff, they lose all sense of restraint and a roll can disappear in a single visit.

  5. @ Geoff C. The Saltine MARCH 21, 2020 AT 2:23 PM

    Been there. I am extremely careful what I purchase if it is a food item since,

  6. I have to visit three stores daily to find one replacment pack for the week. ( Online resources are unavailable.) That exposes me to more germs from all you great unwashed.

  7. Too late. We don’t have a stockpile for sure, but last week DH started calculating how long our supply will last, providing my chemo poisons cooperate with my gut. If it doesn’t we may have to cut down an oak tree or two. Wish there were leaves on our trees already. Oh poop!

    May Nancy find some poison oak or ivy leaves to use.

  8. I always stock up when shopping so I don’t have to go so often. Bought tp whether I needed it or not so I’m good for a few weeks.You can put the blame squarely where this belongs. On women in a panic.

  9. A reader at Nox & Friends posted this truth; Welcome to Communism, America! we’ve arrived without even having to Vote! No more due process, no more right to assemble, no more freedom to practice religion, no more right to weapons, no more free speech. these are the things that have been pushed on us just this last week. JUST THIS LAST WEEK. the deep state is achieving it’s goals WITH Donald Trump in the White House.

  10. I talked to a BN Santa Fe employee today. They are hauling shitloads of toilet paper into only very specific locations. He has been all over the northwest this week and it is only panic city in lib strongholds. He said Spokane they are not seeing the nuttier stuff going on that there is in the Puget Sound region.

  11. I went to order an toilet paper counter today. The salesman was quite helpful, he asked me how many females I have residing in or regularly visiting my residence and when I said three in residence and Each has friends visit regularly. Then he suggested that I consider going with the three phase Industrial model – they run cooler under high loads.

  12. 2.7 rolls per person per week? Who came up with this calculation? Mr. Whipple, based on those fluffy rolls of Charmin? Speaking as a lady with a septic tank, those city folk need to learn about 1ply Scott rolls of 1000 squares.

    And, speaking as a culturally incorrect Irishman, my hubby notes, “It’s the size of their arse. Some of those shoppers don’t need toilet paper; they need a car wash!”

  13. Then you have people who are major league assholes, like Killery Klinton, or Bernie Sanders who would require far larger quantities, every time they open their mouths.

  14. @ Anonymous MARCH 21, 2020 AT 3:18 PM

    From the looks of it there isn’t much That has gotten within striking distance that he hasn’t ingested. TP must have plugged up his plumbing, a good rule of thumb is: if you are eating more than you can shit Out, stop eating.

  15. Years ago I had a roommate who would go through a roll in 2 days. All I could figure is he had poop fetish. Then, I’d have to nag the bastard to buy more. Come to think of it, he was a progressive, so…

  16. If your wife uses a basketball sized wad of TP just for pee, then this calculator will leave you woefully short.

  17. We were lucky this morning and found some TP at Target in N. Spokane just after they opened at 8 AM. It was gone real fast, my daughter was probably one of last ones to get any TP today. It’s a good thing my mom is no longer with us, she was batshit crazy from dementia and would use at least one giant roll of TP a day, sometimes more and plug up the frigging toilet. I had to physically pull her off the pot once when the toilet overflowed and there was at least 6 to 8 inches of water and crud on the bathroom floor. I was not very happy with her when she did that. But now I look back and laugh about it. She could’ve started a TP shortage all by herself and was obsessed with the adult diapers that she wore and stashed into plastic grocery bags all over the house, she went apeshit crazy when she couldn’t find them.

  18. I found the most incredible toilet paper. Not only is is softer than anything I’ve ever used it also has a lovely pattern. It’s like having fine linens on the bed.
    “The Toilet Paper” has become a conversation piece at my house. You can’t help but notice it. One person who tried it accused me of stealing it from a Royal Palace. Actually, I found it in a very unlikely place prior to the “virus”.
    I’ll never tell anyone where I bought it!


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