Wrecked em? Damn near killed em!

First FDR in Hell sent it in.

Then Cynic.

I guess I have to post it.

What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums Last Year?

What’s this “we” business?

From the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission’s database of emergency room visits:

  • CHRISTMAS ORNAMENT BALL
  • BILLIARD BALL
  • NAIL FILE
  • SHOT GLASS
  • “CRACK COCAINE WITH SEX OBJECTS”
  • SD CARD
  • “JUMPED ON BED – TOOTHBRUSH WAS ON BED AND WENT UP PATIENT’S RECTUM”
  • “SAT DOWN ON THE SOFA AND ACCIDENTALLY SAT ON A BALL POINT PEN, PEN LODGES IN RECTUM”
  • PLASTIC PENCIL CASE
  • MARKER
  • GREEN CRAYON
  • IPAD STYLUS
  • LUBE BOTTLE WITH CAP ON
  • LEG OF TELESCOPE
  • PLASTIC CIGAR HOLDER
  • “PUSHED DRUGS UP RECTUM USING A LIGHTER, WAS ABLE TO RETRIEVE THE DRUGS BAG YET BELIEVE LIGHTER GOT STUCK”
  • PLASTIC PILL BOTTLE
  • TRAVEL SIZED MOUTHWASH BOTTLE
  • SMALL SHAMPOO BOTTLE
  • FULL SIZED SHAMPOO BOTTLE
  • FULL SIZED AEROSOL CAN
  • GOLF BALL
  • TWO GOLF BALLS IN BAG
  • “TOOK A SODA BOTTLE WITH FIREBALL WHISKEY VIA HIS RECTUM, STUCK BOTTLE IN RECTUM AND SQUEEZED”
  • PLASTIC PILL BOTTLE
  • 7 OZ BEER BOTTLE
  • BAR OF SOAP
  • CANDLE IN CONDOM
  • “SQUIRTED MIXTURE OF BLEACH AND WATER INTO RECTUM WANTING TO PREVENT AIDS”
  • LIGHT BULB
  • HANDLE OF BROOM
  • CELL PHONE
  • KEY CHAIN WITH FLASHLIGHT & BATTERY
  • “HAS VIBRATOR IN RECTUM AND TRIED TO REMOVE IT WITH SCREWDRIVER AND LACERATED RECTUM; OBJECT IN COLON NOW”
  • SIGNIFICANT AMOUNT OF STRING

There are other orifices in this report, by the way.

But people don’t need to come up with convoluted stories about how they got a paperclip lodged up their nose.

50 Comments on Wrecked em? Damn near killed em!

  1. “Well, Doc, I was all constipated and I was trying to dig it out with that there Barbie doll…”

    We human beings have some mighty weird and deviant members in our midst.

    16
  2. Doctor:”I’m sorry Mister 0webama..But We’re going to have to charge You

    $2K to get that Vibrator out of Your Ass”

    Barry: “How much is it just to change the Batteries?”

    30
  3. For the person with the string, I have to wonder if they get lost a lot?

    The string being a means of finding ones way back…side.

    6
  4. Starting my LE career in Los Angeles I befriended an ER doctor who worked at Ceders-Sinai Med. Center. It only took a few drinks for him to spill on the various items the seat hitters would put up their butts. Usually dildos but the little furry creatures with their buddy attempting (and failing) to hold the tail? YEP. Another one was needles in the nut sack, go figure.

    13
  5. In case of a black out, or birthday for that matter, pull ‘candle wrapped in a condom’ out of your ass and light it up!! Matches apparently NOT included…talk about natural methane. Ka-pow!

    4
  6. Oh, oh, oh, I see one item missing from the list, a Tabasco bottle! One morning on Armstrong and Getty a talk show here, was talking about this very subject. A nurse calls in and adds to the objects they’ve run across in the emergency room. If that bottle would have broke, he’d be in a real hot mess!

    4
  7. Ya know what’s really funny? Towards the top of the page is a picture of Trump with the funniest expression on his face. He looks as if he was reading the list.

    3
  8. Fifty years ago my friend, an ER nurse told me a young man was brought in with a sawed off dining room table leg sticking out of his anus. Times have not changed I see.

    BTW, what a big bunch of BIG a$$h0|£s

    8
  9. notify pelosi and shumers offices that many of them will not be in for a while. recuperating from injuries suffered while partying.

    1
  10. Doctor:”I’m sorry Mister 0bama..But We’re going to have to charge You
    $2K to get that Vibrator out of Your Ass”
    How much if the AHA was never enacted?

    1
  11. Someone clearly suppressed the list of DemonRat / leftists / SJW – Heads found shoved up there from being made public.

    2
  12. phase most commonly heard at San Francisco proctologist office “I don’t know how it got in there! just get it out!

    3
  13. “You’ve got a banana in your ass!”

    “Hey! You’ve got a BANANA IN YOUR ASS!!”

    “Huh? Oh, hold on while I take the banana out of my ass. Oh, wow, it’s ripe now.”

    (This will not come out well in the end.)

  14. Had a girlfriend who wanted to stop by the hobby train store. Thought she was Christmas shopping for younger brother. Bought a transformer and then sprung what she was up to on me.

    One wire up hers and the other… Oh no you don’t! Not only no, hell no! I don’t mess around with live electricity.

    Damn if she wasn’t the most innocent looking little thing you ever saw, but looks can be deceiving.

    13
  15. A gay man was fisting his partner one night after a special dinner. He felt something and eventually managed to pull something out of his ass. After wiping the feces off he shockingly discovered it was a Rolex. His partner turned over and loudly yelled with glee, “Happy Birthday!”

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