Verily:
If you read a lot of literature on working motherhood, you can be forgiven for thinking that building a career while raising kids will turn you into a hot mess. You’ll be Mommy-tracked in your job. You will be racked with guilt. And say goodbye to work-life balance, because you’ll never sleep again.
It sounds bleak. But as I learned researching for my book I Know How She Does It, and as I continue to study women who succeed at work and at home, most tell me they don’t buy into all the doom and gloom. Here are five reasons why.
01. THEY KNOW THAT PLENTY OF ACCOMPLISHED WOMEN DO HAVE KIDS.
There’s a stereotype of the lonely corporate woman who scaled the ladder at the expense of human connection. But all an ambitious woman needs to do is take a quick look at Fortune’s list of the Most Powerful Women in business to find this is false. General Motors CEO Mary Barra has children. So does Lockheed Martin CEO Marillyn Hewson. So does Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg. No doubt all have faced challenges and trade-offs, but clearly, having kids does not completely disqualify you from climbing all the way to the top if you want.
02. THEY KNOW THEY DON’T HAVE TO DO IT ALL THEMSELVES.
From the angst in some writing on working women, you’d think the children were locked in a closet every second they weren’t with mom. But children often have fathers, grandparents, neighbors, teachers, family friends, and paid caregivers who spend time with them too. No one attempts to run a complex professional organization by herself; there’s no glory in doing it at home either. From carpools to Amazon Prime, smart women know there are lots of ways to lighten the load.
03. THEY KNOW KIDS CHANGE SOME THINGS BUT NOT EVERYTHING.
Some people are more dramatic than others. For every person writing an impassioned essay that having a baby convinced them that nothing else in life mattered, there are ten people quietly going along knowing that if they liked their jobs before having kids, they’ll like them afterward, too.
Every woman who works and her husband have decisions to make when they have children.
What is best for the child or children should remain the central focus.
women with children shouldn’t be working.
That’s the decision we made, plenty of financial sacrifices were made and periods of tough times, but it was all for our children.
#6 Staying home and raising good kids is the definition of success.
What does a kid want? If you ask he or she, “Do you want mom to stay home and live poor, or do you want her to join dad in the workforce so that you can have a better life with more things, plenty of food, and so forth?
The child reluctantly replies, “Moms needs to work.” But in that kids heart, what he or she naturally longs for, which the benefits of a factory or professional career can ever compete with: the warmth and love and security of having mom at home. I know, I lived it, like millions of others of my generation. Rushing home from school on those cool, autumn afternoons, knowing Mom was in the kitchen waiting for me with something to eat, can never be replaced by anything or anybody. I remember the days Mom wasn’t there (for whatever reason), and it was downright depressing, and I couldn’t wait, nor my siblings, for her to return to the hearth.
But the world we live in now, almost makes that impossible for too many–having mom at home–always. That’s as far as I’ll go with this.
CORRECTION: “…career can ever compete…” should be “…career can NEVER compete…”
Today there is more than one way to have a successful career and be a great parent. This is true especially if your children are school age. I set it up early in my career so that I worked from home. I could also get a lot of my job done between 5:30 a. and then set things aside around 7:30 to make breakfast, pack lunches and drive (and later, carpool) kids to school. Work from 9:00 – 2:45, pick up the kids, help with homework, sit on the sidelines of tai kwon do, soccer, etc. Make dinner, clean up, put to bed and back to the desk for a few more hours. I got more done by 9:00 a.m. than most people got done all day, including household chores, shopping and work-outs. All this plus a weekly Bible study group. When you have so much to do and so many hours in a day you get very efficient. Then, when #1 started kindergarten, I trained my clients to do all the stuff I needed to be involved in between September and May so I could be free during summer vacations. It helps a lot if you have a reputation for being great in your field. I tried to work one summer but it was too hectic and a bummer for me and the kids. I never aspired to be a C-level careerist, but I know plenty of women at that level who do work way too many hours and don’t get to spend enough time with their kids and husbands. I’ve been independent so long that I could never fit into a 9-5, 4 weeks off/year clock-puncher. If you can find a field or business you can do from home it give you amazing flexibility and high pay.
i’ve had it all, just not all at once. Spent about a decade in a large company and loved my career; married a co-worker; started our family; my husband left the big company to start his own biz, and I stayed so that if things didn’t work out for him, we’d still have my income; things fortunately went well for my husband, so by the time I had my last baby, I was able to become a stay-at-home mom. Best part: my husband works out of the house. Before the kids were school-aged, he had lunch with us every day. He’s always on time for dinner, since his commute is just a flight of steps. We’ve had more time as a family than most people even dream of!
I’ve been able to maintain our lifestyle and put
our child in a private school on my salary. I’m good
with the woman taking care of the daily things in life.
Imnsho the article missed the avenue that many woman choose to be home makers is their success.
Raising my family, the only people who gave me (and other stay at home mothers) were woman who chose to have outside jobs. Never men.
Oops, the only people who gave me GRIEF were..
I always wanted a neighborhood of stay at home Dads. Put the playpen in the garage, and the cars would get fixed. Not washer, dryer or toilet on the block would stay broken for more that 2 hours. Laundry, housecleaning? Do that in the evening.