Aether Pirates of the Matterium!
Seven Rules for what to do when you shoot a Space Alien.
Remember what your mama said.
It’s going to happen.
You know it.
Probably will happen soon.
Some alien is going to crash, or land, in the wrong part of town.
Probably we will never know why. Maybe they were beamed at by military and crash. Maybe they were just goofing around and chose the wrong damn street.
But whatever the cause, some human is gonna shoot a Space Alien.
Probably they will kill it.
Stupid alien bastard will run into a farmer protecting his family, or a city crew protecting their turf, and it’s going to get itself all fucked up.
That’s when the ‘protocols’ come into play. These are all the things, the ramifications, of the first alien to normie interaction, whether being scattered with a shotgun, or stitched up with a Mac10, the protocols take over when the alien bits go flying.
Of course, there are all the Government to Space Alien WhatEverTheFuckTheyGot for a control structure issues. Maybe it’s the start of the Great Inter Species/ Inter Planetary or Inter Galactic War, but those only begin when officialdom, their’s and ours, learns of the shooting.
Prior to that, the serious Seven Rules of What to Do When You Shoot A Space Alien are El Jefe. MORE
So, I did 5 out of seven without even knowing the rules existed. Not bad.
The government agency in charge would be the Fish and Wildlife Service.
Drag it in the house so it looks like a defensive shooting.
Damn thing might be transgender so you’ll need to prepare for prosecution.
Screw that. I’ll just arm Bigfoot and let him deal with it.
Ya knoooooow… this could work with Illeagal Aliens too!
Space Aliens have been living among us for years, they prefer to be addressed as LIBERALS, PROGRESSIVES, or democRATS!
1. Shoot
2. Shovel
3. Shut up.
The government will take them in and they will become yet another protected class. So long as they agree to vote Democrat. Then they will be gay/woke individuals, so they’ll be a double/triple protected class.
Commiefornia would probably arrest me for hunting without purchasing a tag. 🙄
Don’t waste your time trying to shoot between the eyes.
First of all, you don’t know if it has “eyes”.
Second, there could be way more than two.
Third, they could be dangling from stems above what you assume is the head:
https://theheadonista.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/monstereyes3.jpg
Aiming between them guarantees a clear miss.
Wish I had read these rules earlier – definitely before we had that alien barbeque. And yes, they taste like chicken.
Ya know, I dated this chick once, said she was from Venus, uhmmm, so…
TWD
Before shooting you have to say “It’s coming right for us” because it has to be an immediate threat.
If they are even slightly intelligent, they will avoid burnt out and wasted earth like the Black Death on Fentanyl.
^^^ So sayeth Jimbo.
The old Twilight Zone – To Serve Man.
I’ve seen this movie. But they clubbed it to death with a baseball bat.
Enougj of this bullshit. We have an army of aliens crossing the Mexican border.
Ain’t much meat on ’em, but they’re easy to field dress. Skin crisps up really nice.
“Hello humans….hello humans”
as Clif High might say.
It figures and right as I am rereading EE “Doc” Smith’s epic space opera Lensmen sci fi series. Now I’ll know what to do if I run into any aliens, I’ll just blast them with my atomic ray blaster or outrun them from one end of the Universe to the other in my faster than light speed spaceship. It’s potboiler reading time right now and “Doc” Smith is the best at writing old fashioned, old school, fantastically, rip roaring, page turning space operas. OK, so I am still a nerd and probably in my second nerdhood as I grow older and still enjoy reading classic space opera sci fi stories.
https://youtu.be/zwAcvIZzuM0
Seems legit….
@geoff the aardvark — And when you’ve finished the Lensman books, don’t forget Skylark! E.E. “Doc” Smith was terrific!
I’ve got one big problem with those rules: if you haven’t reloaded way before you get to Step 7 you’re doing it wrong.
First, check to make sure it doesn’t have a 12-foot tall, silver-colored robot named Gott with a Cyclops laser eye.