8 Types of People at the Grocery Store – IOTW Report

8 Types of People at the Grocery Store

Friday, 27 July 2018, 19:15 MJA Uncategorized 56

Admit it, y’all, you’ve been one of these people in the grocery store before.

56 Comments on 8 Types of People at the Grocery Store

  4. How about the women who yell into the cell phone on aisle 3 you can hear on aisle 12?

    And yes, aisle blockers suck! 🙁
    How inconsiderate of you ma’am. I know you are busy supporting that 350 pound frame, so your focus is elsewhere, no doubt. Like the doughnut isle.

    Me, I am an exact change guy. Don’t write checks though.
    I also use coupons, not the digital crap though.

    10

  6. My way of dealing with aisle blockers is to get fairly close and then just stop and stare at them with a blank expression. I don’t say anything at all. It is gratifying to see how quickly this makes people nervous and anxious to get out of my way.

    15

  10. I’m what you might call a “modified exact changer”. If the bill is say $35.76 I’ll give the cashier $41.01 so I get back $5.25 rather than $4.24. Fives and quarters are useful. Singles and pennies are not.

    10

  12. They forgot:

    The hoarder – two carts worth piled onto one cart
    The impulse buyer – wanders the aisles just grabbing whatever catches their eye
    The self debater – can’t decide between name and store brands
    The lurker – scary person who stares at other shoppers
    Too lazy to properly dress for being in public – just nasty

    10

  14. All of the signs and shit the store puts in the way of items, I accidentally knock that crap to the ground in order to retrieve an item and don’t replace it in order to help out the next guy.

    In keeping with the theme, I’m the inspector. Any perishable item, I grab from the back and compare it to the date on the item in front. Helps out immensely in the produce, meat, and dairy aisle. Especially the stores with open coolers, I don’t trust those items sitting in front where the temperature is 75 degrees on the store facing side.

    6

  15. They left one out. The brain dead idiots that stand directly in front of what you are after, staring with a confused look on their face, at what ever that item my be, like their dumb asses were just transported down from the USS Starship Enterprise. These people fry my ass. Most of them make sure you can’t reach passed them and grab your goodies by strategically placing their carts in the way. Several times a month I will split and go grab the rest of what I need, return, and they will still be standing there confused as hell. At that point in time I ask them to move. And the men are worse than the women.

    8

  16. Before I was the automatic door terror I remember sitting in the seat in the cart and my Mom going to the cookie aisle first and getting me a box of “Barnum’s Animals” crackers. We would try to guess the animals as I pulled them out of the box while she shopped.

    7

  17. Is there anyone else (there is) like my shopping type?
    My MO: the cart never stops rolling! Grab-n-Toss! Gotta’ GO!
    Advantage? My wife doesn’t want me shopping with her!
    She’s a “Compare” addict: “Let’s see, this one is 3.1 cents per ounce…..

    6

  18. And the rare person laughing their ass off while reading The Weekly World News in the checkout aisle. They don’t exist anymore since they took all the fun away in the checkout aisle when WWN went TU. My wife was so embarrassed when I bust out laughing reading the WWN. If someone wanted to make a fortune they could design a sleaze free magazine and junk impulse crap free aisle for people who are annoyed by waiting in line and running the gauntlet of this crap. I’d be the first to use it, get in and get out and not have to look at all the brain dead magazines (People, the tabloids etc.) or feel guilty because I’m not buying overpriced beef jerky, Slim Jims, overpriced single cans of pop etc.

    4

  19. I very much dislike people that look and see you’re holding only two or three items while they have a whole cart and won’t offer to wave you through ahead of them. And of course they are the same ones that pay with food stamps and drive off in a $40,000 SUV.

    12

  21. Jethro JULY 27, 2018 AT 7:39 PM
    I remember jumping on and off the automatic door mat to watch it open and close

    This reminded me… my poor mother dragging 3 kids to the store, carts backed up to the automatic door, every time she’d back up to dislodge the cart and step on the mat, the door slammed her in the backside. Being stupid kids, we were laughing so hard we weren’t much help.

    The grande finale, my dad switched cars in he parking lot and took ours in for repairs. Exasperated mom tossed bags in the trunk, kids in the back and away we go. Dad forgot to tell her the loaner had power brakes, which she’d never used. You can imagine the shock when doing 50 mph, she slammed on the brakes! Didn’t have seatbelts back then and little sis ended up with a busted lip and black eye from hitting the floor for her first day of school.
    My mother was a saint with the patience of Job.

    8

  23. I don’t always do the no buggy, but am guilty at times because I only plan on running in and grabbing 2 or 3 things and then I see something on sale and end up needing to go get a buggy.
    I’m also guilty of being the ghost, however the reason I have to leave my basket is because people are blocking the aisle with their baskets due to either having a reunion or not being able to decide what they want and then I become the rude person who squeezes in and grabs what I need.
    I’m also the inspector, I don’t want unripe or overripe fruit and veggies or stale bread. I also look in the dairy freezer for the latest expiration date.

    My husband is the exact changer and it annoys the heck out of me, “I have this pocket full of change I need to get rid of.” He is also the proxy, I send him to the store and he has to call me 3 or 4 times.

    The snackers in my neck of the woods though are the people who barely fit on the motorized carts eating bags of donuts and chips and the chicken out of the deli aisle.

    5

  24. Lines. Lines are the worst to me. I’ve spent an hour shopping just to roll up to 5 cashiers each with 10 people in line. That’s when I abandon the “buggy” and walk out.

    5

  25. When I go grocery shopping, the regulars know to GTFOOM.
    I do all the grocery and cooking at my house.
    Bump into the juggler if he gets in the way, I hide the abandoned buggies, run into the reunion while fake looking at something, the snackers don’t bother me, leaving the open package to fall on the floor from it’s hiding place pisses me off, I am an exact changer, usually have it in my hand before the cashier knows what it will be, my daughter is a couponer, refuse to go shopping with her, the proxy, I’m a man we don’t ask for directions, admit to being an inspector. I’m the guy who pokes a hole in the plastic to smell the salmon, if it’s good, I buy it, if not, I tell them it’s bad.
    My fav grocery store experience.
    In line behind a land whale, she dropped her EBT card and asked for help.
    She was too fat to bend down between the rails of the aisle.
    Told her thought I had helped her enough already.
    If looks could kill, would be a dead man walkin.
    Cashier gave me a hi five, lol.

    7

  26. I like to shop in the evening when the store isn’t crowded.

    You guys ever do this…..go down another aisle when you see someone you know because you don’t want to stop to talk?

    And sometimes I can’t reach something and I wish that Mooch Obama was around so she could help me. Remember that story?

    10

  27. Geoff: Loved WWN! Best ‘Self Care Package’ when sick: ginger ale, saltines, applesauce, kleenex, and Weekly World News.
    Trivia: Kathy Shaidle (sp?) of ‘Five Feet of Fury’ blog ghost wrote Ed Anger’s column for a few years.

    3

  29. I did that just recently with an old room mate who I really didn’t want to talk to. His son who is slightly retarded and a major league slacker drives my daughter nuts because he stares at her. I just returned a fatty cart inside our local Walmart here recently just because some nice old lady and her husband politely asked me to help them, it was the first time I had used one of them.

    3

  30. I’ve got another one: the inconsiderate morons who do not realize that, once you are in the checkout line you are DONE SHOPPING. DONE. SHOPPING.
    I’m not unreasonable, so if it’s one of those impulse items you can reach while on line and throw on the conveyor belt, fine.
    I’m talking about the idiots who get off line to run back “for just a second to get something I forgot.”
    No.
    Get it next trip because once you are in line YOU…ARE…DONE…SHOPPING!!!

    15

  32. IF I went shopping for food, with or without my Senior in Command, Mrs. Glover, my eyes are bigger than my stomach, so I am not allowed to go anymore!

    IOW I drive up the BILL.

    Not good!

    5

  33. I’ll be the Inspector. I don’t inspect TP packages, but produce, meat, dairy, I check those carefully. If I’m the chef du jour, which is most of the time, my wife won’t go to the store unless she has to. She thinks I’m too particular.

    5

  35. I really enjoy going to the grocery store with my wonderful wife. It is Publix here in Georgia. We always have a good time getting the stuff we enjoy cooking and eating. And, being here in real America everyone, from our fellow shoppers to the personnel, are considerate and polite.

    7

  39. Since Geoff C. doesn’t seem to mind grocery shopping, my indian name is “Woman who does not go to the store.” But when I do I also am the modified changer, or the exact changer when the pennies start to accumulate. Otherwise, the only thing I don’t like are the self checkout thingies. I detest having to interact with one more robotic voice than necessary. Plus, something’s always going wrong and I have to call for intervention.

    6

  40. @ Doug – great post.

    @ MJA – How about a post being on the other side of the psycho shopper and actually having WORKED at a chain super market??

    A study in LIFE.

    I worked at a Waldbaums supermarket in the early 80’s Bronx that eventually became a Key Food. First position was collecting wagons and cleaning up breakages in aisle 8, bagging groceries when it got insane, and once cleaning up shit in aisle #10, doing state mandated early recycling (talk about roaches), cleaned out a maggot infested trash compactor once.

    Then I graduated to the Produce section and then we cleaned out the turds from the grapes that the mice raided. Or cleaned semi rotted lettuce.

    AND re-wrapped…

    Good times.

    4

  41. I am the inspector.
    Peel Romaine to see if there are bugs,bananas for dark spots.
    But really I make a list and try to stick to it,I can be in and out of the store in 15 minutes with 20 items.(in the 15 limit lane when the checker waves you in and then 3 people line up behind you) The looks you get.
    What I hate is when they change the store around and what was on isle 5 is now on isle 3.

    3

  42. I never food shop on Fridays or weekends. I get nervous and jumpy at the feeding frenzy and parking lot nut-ball drivers. I have had borderline flashes of “the wrong day sensor moment” now and then and have found myself hyperventilating as I realize its Saturday – dummy, not Thursday and I’m trapped in a checkout line with angry starving zombie moonbats. The only comfort I see is that it appears everyone posting here on iotwreport unfortunately have moonbats wandering about their super markets as well, so its not just me or the new meds after all.

    3

  43. Wait. Which region of the U.S. calls a shopping cart, “buggy”? Guessing the South or West.
    LOL! Sorry, not trying to offend, it just cracks me up to hear regional jargon I haven’t heard before.

    2

  44. My quirk: I have to shop while hungry.

    If not, the cart won’t have jack in it because nothing looks good.

    I did all the family shopping while raising the kids. Mom might not actually go to the store and come home with any food.

    1

  46. No, Perry I think we all have the moonbats. I just so love getting behind the Mexican woman with 10 kids and has the oldest acting as translator while she argues through him that paper plates can be bought with the food stamp card. In the meantime her other 9 kids are knocking shit over and running around like wild Indians.
    BTW she always understands English just fine and I always know by the look I get when I say if I have to buy her damn food the least she can do is speak English.

    3

  47. My grocery store pet peeve is shoppers putting down items they don’t want in any aisle where they’ve changed their mind. On a recent trip to Walmart (where else), someone left a package of lunchmeat next to spaghetti sauce. Go figure.

    I tend to be an inspector, no cart user and the shopper who stare down people blocking or standing in the middle of aisle talking. Oh, they know I mean business.

    2

  52. I admit to being the occasional proxy shopper when I’m helping mom. Otherwise, I move like gazelle. Rarely need a cart, and I know what I want, where it is (unless the bastards have restaged the shelves again), and it’s in and out; boom. Whatever shopping experience they’re selling, I’m not buying. Usually pleasant cashiers and only once in a while, a very stupid Kevin.

    I have been with one family member whose shopping style (examining every item, whether it be boxed, canned, frozen, or fresh, as if it were the Rosetta stone that would reveal the answer to everything AND disorganized to boot) that came thisclose to flipping my switch; do not talk to me about endcap displays. I had to cut that one off. I did not want to have the police involved on the next trip.

    3

  53. In my county we have the “interruptor”, the self-absorbed jerk that walks up to the clerk and starts up a conversation while I am checking out. They get silenced. I call reunions Revivals because they do it in groups of 3 or more here. Odd thing is that YOU are the rude one if you break this behavior up.

    2

  54. I’m the one that can be heard singing sotto voce Ludacris’ MOVE BITCH (GET OUT THE WAY). Seriously my blood pressure is up 30 points watching this video.

    1

  55. @BB, Being as Piggly Wiggly, a Southern chain established in 1916, was the first company in the US to revolutionized the grocery store by using buggies and individual items stocked on shelves for the customer to select from, we will go ahead and keep calling them buggies, UmKay?

    1

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