Eight-year-old Muhammad entered his classroom on the first day of school.
“What’s your name”, asked the teacher?
“Muhammad,” he replied.
“You’re in Ireland now,” replied the teacher. “So from
now on you will be known as Mick.”
Muhammad returned home after school.
“How was your day, Muhammad”, his mother asked?
“My name is not Muhammad. I’m in Ireland, and now my name is Mick.”
“Are you ashamed of your name? Are you trying to dishonour your parents, your heritage, your religion?
Shame on you!” And his mother beat him.
Then she called his father, who beat him again.
The next day Muhammad returned to school.
The teacher saw all of his bruises. “What happened to you, Mick?”, she asked.
“Well, shortly after becoming an Irishman, I was attacked by two f###ing Muslims.
🙂
It’s joke time with Doc folks. Let’s have some fun.
Unfortunately, the opposite is true; the Muslim kids are worse than their parents.
Didn’t YOU send that one to me?
Sorry to be such a wet rag, Moetom.
LOL!
Excellent. Reminds me a little of the cowboy meeting a lesbian in a bar. 😉
Three macho mice are sitting at a bar discussing how tough they were.
The first mouse slams a shot and says: “I play with mouse traps for fun. I’ll run into one on purpose and as it is closing on me, I grab the bar and bench press it 20 to 30 times.” And, with that, he slams another shot.
The second mouse slams a shot and says: “That’s nothing. I take those poison bait tablets, cut them up, and snort them, just for the fun of it.” And, with that, he slams another shot.
The third mouse slams a shot, gets up, and turns to walk away.
“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” ask his friends.
The third mouse stops and replies: “I’m going home to shag the cat.”
Two young fellas were having a pint in a Dublin Pub.
One guys says to his pal, Jeeesee, Sean, you look like shit, what the hell’s the matter with you?
It’s the girl friend said Sean. All she want’s is sex. I’m at it three or four times a day and I’m fooken exhausted.
An old timer, about Doc’s age, sitting two stools away, turned to Sean and said:
Marry her and that’ll put an end to that shit!
Two married friends are out drinking.
One says to the other: “I can never sneak into the house after I’ve been drinking. I’ve tried everything. I turn the headlights off before I go up the drive. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off and creep upstairs. I get undressed in the bathroom. I do everything, but then my wife still wakes up and yells at me for staying out late.”
His friend replies: “Do what I do. I screech into the driveway, slam the front door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, slap my wife’s bottom and say, “How about a blow job?” She always pretends she’s asleep.”
Not a joke, but still funny:
An Albanian woman who lives next door to a mosque says the local Imam has complained about her dog.
Can’t imagine why.
https://www.youtube.com/embed/Vogp-n1-JPA
😛
The dog has it right. Unlike Obama, he doesn’t seem to think the moslem call to prayer is the most beautiful sound in the world. That evil sound hurts the poor pup’s ears. Maybe that’s the real reason why moslems hate dogs.
Vietvet. Howlarious!
BEAUTIFUL!….I have that dog, shorthaired border collie….most vocal dog you can imagine….she narrates and interjects on EVERYTHING… and my healer backs her up in tenor…
that’s one smart dog and a much better singer too!
Gosh, I sure hope the pup didn’t disrupt the “most beautiful sound in the world”.
i think its because a stinkin’ muslim cant sneak up on someone with a dog.
This is an old classic:
Old timer applies for a job:
Human Resources Manager: Well Mr. McCarthy what is your greatest weakness?
Mr. McCarthy: Honesty, Sir.
HRM. Well I don’t think honesty should be considered a weakness.
Mr. McCarthy: I don’t give a fuck what you think.
That put a smile on me face
Lol, jeez Tom, first time you told s joke with out my name in it. But I can vouch that the joke is actually true and factual.
Good doggie!
As USA gets closer to the 2016 election year, US citizens must remember that they cannot trust Hillary Clinton to create American jobs.
The last time Hilary had a meaningful job, she outsourced it to Monica Lewinsky…
And Monica blew it.
Q: Why don’t they teach Driver’s Ed and sex education on the same day in the Middle East?
A: They don’t want to wear out the camel.
A black guy, a muslim and a commie walk into a bar.
Bartender asks “What’ll it be Mr. President?”
A black guy, a muslim and a commie walk into a bar.
Bartender asks “What’ll it be Mr. President?”
A Public Health Warning to Y’all from me. With all due respect.
When you drink Vodka poured over ice it leads to kidney failure.
When you pour rum over ice it leads to liver failure.
Whiskey over ice leads to heart problems.
Gin over ice gives one brain problems
Obviously ice is bad for you. Never put ice in your beer, wine, or booze.
Warn your friends.
Have a very Merry Christmas and a happy and healthy New Year
Thanks for poting the jokes IOTW
Q: What’s the difference between a band of pygmy hunters and a lesbian track team?
A: One of them is a band of cunning runts.
Be careful, pup! Some of the “faithful” are likely to send an RPG out of that “mosque”. After all, the Religion of Peace is also the Cult of the Perpetually Offended.
A little black boy was climbing around the kitchen cupboards and pulled a bag of flour down on his head. Quickly cleaning up the mess before his Mama finds it, he then heads to the bathroom to wash up. Looking in the mirror at himself, all covered with flour, he thinks, “hmmm, I always wondered how it was to be a white boy,” and goes outside where he runs into his Grampa sitting on the porch who takes one look at him and starts yelling, “WHAT THE HELL YOU GOT ALL OVER YOU, BOY! GO AND CLEAN YOURSELF UP, RIGHT NOW BEFORE i TAKE A SWITCH TO YOUR ASS!!!”
The little boy heads back into the house where his Dad spots him and he starts yelling, “WHAT’S THE MATTER WITH YOU, BOY? YOU GO WASH OFF OR I’M GONNA WHUP YOU GOOD!”
Ducking down the hallway, the little boy then meets his Mama coming out of a bedroom and she isn’t happy either, “YOU GIT IN THAT BATHROOM, RIGHT NOW, YOU LITTLE BASTID, AND WASH UP FOR SUPPER! I KNOW IT WAS YOU WHO MADE A MESS IN MY KITCHEN!” Sobbing, he does what he’s told.
Later at the dinner table, the grown ups notice the little boy glaring at them and ask, “what’s wrong?” “I was only a white boy for 5 minutes,” he says, “and I already hate you black sonsabitches!!!”
What is the one food that kills a woman’s sex drive? Wedding Cake. 😉
One day a group of scientists got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God. So they picked one scientist to go and tell Him that they were done with Him.
The scientist walked up to God and said, “God, we’ve decided that we no longer need you. We’re to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don’t you just go on and get lost.”
God listened very patiently and kindly to the man and after the scientist was done talking, God said, “Very well, how about this, let’s say we have a man making contest.” To which the scientist replied, “OK, great!”
But God added, “Now, we’re going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam.”
The scientist said, “Sure, no problem” and bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt.
God just looked at him and said, “No, no, no. You go get your own dirt!”
“Don’t look up here! The joke’s in your hand!”
I read that somewhere and thought it was real funny … well, it seemed funny at the time …