102 Comments on Name Something You’d Hate To Hear During Sex
Her yelling her old boyfriends name
Fart noises.
Baaaaa
“You’re fired.”
Her yelling out her best girlfriends name!
Her parents yelling our names after letting themselves into our apartment!
The Police pounding on the door demanding to know if she is alright because her screaming worried the neighbors that she was being hurt.(this really happened!)
Her boyfriend yelling “Hey,why is the chain on the door”.
Your boss saying “and in here is our storage room”.
Whadaya mean, YOU’RE DONE???
*Squeek* *Squeek* *Squeek* *Squeek*
I think it’s only fair to tell you, I used to be called Bruce.
“Son, I’m gonna send your dad in there………….”
Y’all better put some on ice on that…
WJC
“Is that it?”
Tyrone Rugen [the six-fingered man]
Who are you?
“Oh BigFurHat! Oh!!!!!!”
😜
Next!
Oh, don’t worry about the condom, i’m already pregnant.
MOMMY?!!!
You know this is my first time? I mean outside of the family.
“Is it in yet?”
Crying
On the radio – What’s it gonna be boy, yes or no….
“Paradise By The Dashboard Light”
This actually happened to me in 1981. It ended the mood in about 10 seconds after the song started.
A very deep, very loud “GRRRRRRRRR”
snoring
“I”m bleeding”
On the radio,
“Brown Eyed Girl”
A cash register.
True Story.. Would I Lie?
An 88 year old woman calls 911 says her husband is having a heart attack.
Paramedics arrive at the house and commence first aid.
PM. Ma’am How old is your husband?
Mrs. He’s 89.
PM What was he doing when this happened?
Mrs. We were having sex.
PM, Sex, at your age, my goodness.
Mrs. Well we have this metronome, that goes very slow, like tick, tock, in, out, up, down, nice and easy. But today, the window was open, and the fucking Ice Cream truck came by and he went ape shit on me.
The PM fainted.
A pump shotgun slide.
“Is that stuff supposed to be coming out of there?”
Hurry up. I’ve got to get up early tomorrow morning.
“Textured condom? No, you’re feeling my herpes blisters”.
The Green Ooze is normal for Irish..
Please turn your hymnals to page 17.
Uncle Bill?
Well, I’ve heard that your lover will say “Slow down.”, a lady of the evening will say “Hurry up!” and some wives will say “Let’s paint the ceiling beige.” so I’m going with the last one.
(our ceiling is off white, so far)
What’s Bill Clinton’s idea of foreplay? “Hey, you awake?”.
And we’re live, in 3.2.1….
WE (CUBBIES)are finally going to the World Series!!!!!!!
“Daddy sez I French kiss the best”
That’s not it.
“What are you doing?”
I’d hate to hear the word liberal.
Do you mind if I read
“BARACK, OH BARACK, DEEPER, HARDER!!!”
“Would you like fries with that?”…
“Hold on, I lost my watch”
“Let me turn on the strobe light so it looks like your moving”…
@Plain Jane — as the only other female on this thread, CONGRATS TO YOUR CUBS!!!!
no …. I’m not on the pill …………. you ARE wearing a condom? …… right?
It don’t matter that we’s cousins”…
“I guess that the Cubs losing another world series isn’t my worst disapointment”…
“Uncle Fester was my first choice”…
Forget it! I’ll do it without the jacket.
Did you just ask SIRI for directions?
“GOOOOOOOOOOAALLLLLLL!!!”…
i turn 16 tomorrow
“What are ya thinking?”….
Hillary Clinton’s voice, …. moaning.
*vomit*
“Move your head….I think the Lakers just took the lead”…
Let me finish this text…
You’re a lot less sweatier than your brother
Honey I’m home !
Shhhh! Y’all wake up my husband
Emergency alert tone “this is not a test “
“Niner six niner, these are your landing coordinates”…
If that’s the cops, tell them I’m not here.
“It’s ironic we had dinner at Joe’s Crab Shack….”
“What’s the duct tape for?”…
Does this smell like chloroform to you?
… You know that Chris Hansen show?
“My internal clock is ticking….STOMP, STOMP, STOMP “…
“Brian Williams did it like this once”…
“OK…5 across…..6 letter word for an Italian pasta?”…
“Popping zits on my back isn’t helping”…
“When you said you were gonna lay it on me, I didn’t think you were actually gonna lay it on me!”
“You STILL have your panty hose on?”…
BONG! Ladies and gentlemen the Captain has declared a mayday please prepare for and emergency landing
“Fox news is now declaring Hillary Clinton has won….”
“Is it alright if my brother joins us?”
Wrong hole!!! Wrong hole !
“My last boyfriend flew me home on Air force one after sex.”
JClady, THank you. So happy. This Cubbies affair is generational in our family. 🙂
Hurry up, there’s two more guys waiting.
Last year at band camp…
Is it in yet?
“Maybe we should both see other women”
Oh that….the last guy here threw up….
“I’m a cannibal….trust me!!…”
“I always look older in pictures….”
I still think my joke was the best, but it probably had to be explained to you who never heard an Ice Cream truck. sniff, sniff.
L oh ell ay lola.
(From a woman’s perspective)
I can only guarantee you one orgasm and that is the one I’m going to have.
Is it in yet?
A Helicopter hovering overhead.
“let me call my lawyer…”
What are you doing on top of Mommy, Daddy?
Why is the bed making squeeky noises
Stop hurting Mommy, Daddy
Disney theme “It’s a small world after all”
“Cell Block B on the count open all cell doors!”
Is that what those blue pills are for? Oh no, I flushed them down the toilet
Her yelling her old boyfriends name
Fart noises.
Baaaaa
“You’re fired.”
Her yelling out her best girlfriends name!
Her parents yelling our names after letting themselves into our apartment!
The Police pounding on the door demanding to know if she is alright because her screaming worried the neighbors that she was being hurt.(this really happened!)
Her boyfriend yelling “Hey,why is the chain on the door”.
Your boss saying “and in here is our storage room”.
Whadaya mean, YOU’RE DONE???
*Squeek* *Squeek* *Squeek* *Squeek*
I think it’s only fair to tell you, I used to be called Bruce.
“Son, I’m gonna send your dad in there………….”
Y’all better put some on ice on that…
WJC
“Is that it?”
Tyrone Rugen [the six-fingered man]
Who are you?
“Oh BigFurHat! Oh!!!!!!”
😜
Next!
Oh, don’t worry about the condom, i’m already pregnant.
MOMMY?!!!
You know this is my first time? I mean outside of the family.
“Is it in yet?”
Crying
On the radio – What’s it gonna be boy, yes or no….
“Paradise By The Dashboard Light”
This actually happened to me in 1981. It ended the mood in about 10 seconds after the song started.
A very deep, very loud “GRRRRRRRRR”
snoring
“I”m bleeding”
On the radio,
“Brown Eyed Girl”
A cash register.
True Story.. Would I Lie?
An 88 year old woman calls 911 says her husband is having a heart attack.
Paramedics arrive at the house and commence first aid.
PM. Ma’am How old is your husband?
Mrs. He’s 89.
PM What was he doing when this happened?
Mrs. We were having sex.
PM, Sex, at your age, my goodness.
Mrs. Well we have this metronome, that goes very slow, like tick, tock, in, out, up, down, nice and easy. But today, the window was open, and the fucking Ice Cream truck came by and he went ape shit on me.
The PM fainted.
A pump shotgun slide.
“Is that stuff supposed to be coming out of there?”
Hurry up. I’ve got to get up early tomorrow morning.
“Textured condom? No, you’re feeling my herpes blisters”.
The Green Ooze is normal for Irish..
Please turn your hymnals to page 17.
Uncle Bill?
Well, I’ve heard that your lover will say “Slow down.”, a lady of the evening will say “Hurry up!” and some wives will say “Let’s paint the ceiling beige.” so I’m going with the last one.
(our ceiling is off white, so far)
What’s Bill Clinton’s idea of foreplay? “Hey, you awake?”.
And we’re live, in 3.2.1….
WE (CUBBIES)are finally going to the World Series!!!!!!!
“Daddy sez I French kiss the best”
That’s not it.
“What are you doing?”
I’d hate to hear the word liberal.
Do you mind if I read
“BARACK, OH BARACK, DEEPER, HARDER!!!”
“Would you like fries with that?”…
“Hold on, I lost my watch”
“Let me turn on the strobe light so it looks like your moving”…
@Plain Jane — as the only other female on this thread, CONGRATS TO YOUR CUBS!!!!
no …. I’m not on the pill …………. you ARE wearing a condom? …… right?
It don’t matter that we’s cousins”…
“I guess that the Cubs losing another world series isn’t my worst disapointment”…
“Uncle Fester was my first choice”…
Forget it! I’ll do it without the jacket.
Did you just ask SIRI for directions?
“GOOOOOOOOOOAALLLLLLL!!!”…
i turn 16 tomorrow
“What are ya thinking?”….
Hillary Clinton’s voice, …. moaning.
*vomit*
“Move your head….I think the Lakers just took the lead”…
Let me finish this text…
You’re a lot less sweatier than your brother
Honey I’m home !
Shhhh! Y’all wake up my husband
Emergency alert tone “this is not a test “
“Niner six niner, these are your landing coordinates”…
If that’s the cops, tell them I’m not here.
“It’s ironic we had dinner at Joe’s Crab Shack….”
“What’s the duct tape for?”…
Does this smell like chloroform to you?
… You know that Chris Hansen show?
“My internal clock is ticking….STOMP, STOMP, STOMP “…
“Brian Williams did it like this once”…
“OK…5 across…..6 letter word for an Italian pasta?”…
“Popping zits on my back isn’t helping”…
“When you said you were gonna lay it on me, I didn’t think you were actually gonna lay it on me!”
“You STILL have your panty hose on?”…
BONG! Ladies and gentlemen the Captain has declared a mayday please prepare for and emergency landing
“Fox news is now declaring Hillary Clinton has won….”
“Is it alright if my brother joins us?”
Wrong hole!!! Wrong hole !
“My last boyfriend flew me home on Air force one after sex.”
JClady, THank you. So happy. This Cubbies affair is generational in our family. 🙂
Hurry up, there’s two more guys waiting.
Last year at band camp…
Is it in yet?
“Maybe we should both see other women”
Oh that….the last guy here threw up….
“I’m a cannibal….trust me!!…”
“I always look older in pictures….”
I still think my joke was the best, but it probably had to be explained to you who never heard an Ice Cream truck. sniff, sniff.
L oh ell ay lola.
(From a woman’s perspective)
I can only guarantee you one orgasm and that is the one I’m going to have.
Is it in yet?
A Helicopter hovering overhead.
“let me call my lawyer…”
What are you doing on top of Mommy, Daddy?
Why is the bed making squeeky noises
Stop hurting Mommy, Daddy
Disney theme “It’s a small world after all”
“Cell Block B on the count open all cell doors!”
Is that what those blue pills are for? Oh no, I flushed them down the toilet
He’s got a purty mouf’ aint he?
Why you look just like a big ol’ sow, Boy!
“Feels just like a real vagina, doesn’t it”?