Exclusive from the Wildly Inaccurate Dianny News Service: We have managed to obtain excerpts from “Rode Hard” — Hillary Clinton’s newest memoir.
Though this book is still in rewrites, this latest Hillary memoir is said to be a compilation of her thoughts and musings during her failed Presidential campaign.
Our intrepid reporter was able to find balled up pages of the manuscript while dumpster-diving behind the Clinton compound in Chappaqua.
The rumpled and discarded pages are not numbered. But we have done our best to assemble them chronologically.
The original pages appear to be written in Hillary’s own hand (Sample page available below).
Excerpts from “Rode Hard”
Notes written at the time Hillary’s email server was revealed. These notes were written on several pages – some pages containing only one sentence.
I’m going to sue the f@cking New York Times!!! Podesta said they’re on our payroll! How dare they!!!
It was that witch Valerie Jarrett! I know it! That b!tch has had it in for me since I was at State. Maybe even before.
Just because I said she looked like a Hobbit and grew up in Shirebeckistan. I didn’t say it in front of her! But she still has to try and destroy me.
Now I have to waste my time explaining things – like those idiot voters have any business knowing.
Damn that Jarrett!!!
Got finished reading the draft for my UN statement on the email server. Who wrote this crap?
Like anybody is going to believe I do yoga.
And put away wet.
Why was I not 110 points above!!!
Excerpt, “While I had Huma Aberdin by my side for so many years as a dear friend and an up an coming democratic stalwart, she proved to be a foil. I taught her the political ropes, and she got it. I taught her the social ropes, and she got it. But when I taught her how to manage a cheating husband, she absolute lost it.”
Tried a whole case of Trump wine. Don’t remember if I liked it. But all the bottles were empty this morning.
Who rode who?
She can be a contestant on What’s My Line to make some drinking money.
I think she plagiarized, “Bitch set me up!”
Day 15 on the island. Last night I dreamt of that large black man again. He whispered something in my ear and disappeared. Later, he followed me through a crowd of chanting, vacant eyed college kids, as he taunted me with prescription bottles and syringes…
…I haven’t seen my dog, Chelsea, in 3 days.
AKA: “Quotes from a tired broom”
Unnumbered page #234:
“November 8, 8:15 PM –
All is in place. The votes are set, the victory celebration is in place, the victory speech is in my hand, and the vodka is chilled. The first thing I’ll do on January 21 is initiate an SEC investigation on that weasel Trump. Nothing like rubbing alcohol into a wound.”
“Why can’t Chelsea look more like Ivanka?!”
Because Ivanka’s mother didn’t breed with Webb Hubbell.
Fix the blame, then the problem.
Isn’t the title, “Rode Hard” a little disengenuous, Di? The last time anyone rode the Hildebeest Express, it was nine months before Chelsea was spawned.
Or perhaps you were just being ironic. Is that it, Di — you little minx
Alternative title: Huma and the magic joyprong.
I guess I’ll go on Dancing with the Stars next season. That’ll show the low life deplorables that I’m human and that I have feelings. It better show the little mother#$%$*! that I have a heart.
Another big time book advance is expected.
It might sell better if printed on toilet paper….
Nor ‘Road Hard’? I hear she’s *tired*…