Sorry, my wife is calling.
I voted for Hillary Clinton.
Can you get me pregnant?
Who else knows you’re here?
138 Comments on 5 words that ruin a date
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Are you really wearing that?
Have any spare toilet paper?
Got any cash on you?
My Herpes is in remission.
Do you believe in underwear?
My dick itches a lot.
Your sister is smoking hot.
Yeah, my herpes are dormant.
Here, have a pickled scorpion.
Daddy sex I kiss good…
Need lovin’? I’m your huckleberry.
No happy ending for you.
Can I wear your underwear?
Are you an undercover cop?
Whats wrong with anal leakage?…
You remind me of my mother.
Opps. 5 words;
You remind me of mom.
Big Mac or Chicken McNuggets?
Off to bed. You coming?
Meet me by the van.
When I visited Paris, I bought a French phrase book. There was a section specifically for dating. One of the English phrases they translated was “I’m on the methadone treatment.”
Really? Does that come up a lot when dating in France?!
I laughed about that for weeks.
Do the lambs cry, Clarice?…
I’m the Bennihana of cunninglingus…
How much are you worth?
Is your family also crazy?
I lost my driver’s license.
I ain’t got a job.
My Momma is in jail.
BigFurHat is my best friend
can my mom come along?
wanna see my earwax collection?
I dig serial killer movies
self-hickeys freak you out?
I eat booger … wanna watch?
I transsexual … bathroom break anyone?
I’m a democrat …. cool, huh?
Put your wrists through here.
I really like your tits
What is the frequency, Kenneth?
Your mother does it better
Where da white women at?
I like to lick doorknobs…
Teach me to drive stick.
Want to see something scary?
How much do you weigh?
I’ve practiced with heifers forever.
Lol, in my head I’m making a sentence with my fav’s!
Come on Paula; kiss it!
Did you forget to pluck?
ahh shit, sorry, that’s marriage.
Put some ice on that!
Put some ice on that
Hey Ma, meat loaf. NOW!
Do black lives matter, whitey?
Ain’t nuthin’ but some vomit….
Three nostrils is pretty rare…
My dick is a blowtorch.
Fire comes out when I pee.
Really Chelsea?…a senate run?…
Have you ever smelled chloroform?
Please wear a hilliary pantsuit
You fuck like your sister
Can I eat your boogers?
AIDS hasn’t slowed me down.
You guys are terrible!
Please. Continue. 😀
I’m Brenda I was Bruce
Can you tighten my truss?
Glocks are over rated
Auto Tune makes music better
Let’s have Chicago style pizza
Check out my pussy hat
Only cops should have guns
This yeast infection’s really bad
Is this dinner halal?
Your white privilege is showing
I’m majoring in Women’s Studies
Nachos are not a meal
Who needs so much ammo?
Me? I voted for Kasich.
Wanna go to comet pizza ?
I’ll be driving a Prius
Crawlspace smell makes me hard.
Have you been to Hamilton?
Neil Sedaka? Turn it up!!
Wanna go ride a bicycle?
Is this tofu gluten free?
Wanna see my iotwreport.com tatoo?
Damm I forgot my Viagra
Excuse me, are those real?
Fix me a samich bitch!
Your carpet match the drapes?
Barack Obama best president ever
Hey, meet me at Starbuck’s.
Young goats are my preference.
Whips, chains or riding crop?
I forgot my wallet again.
I’m out on bail.
Mr. Pinko was here first?!?
Quiet don’t wake my husband
Allahu fubar you filthy infidel.
I pray 5 times daily.
You look like my wife.
Do you wear a hijab?
“That burning sensation is back.”
“My mom will love you.”
“Dang, my tracking bracelet broke.”
Hold my beer gotta piss
That is a small one.
I only served 12 years.
I love being gender fluid!
Ever dated outside the family?
@MJA: I’m thinking they’ve used these lines before!
Do you feel lucky…punk?
Well no i am not wearing pants. Is that youre cat?
I accept visa or mastercard
Bill Cosby is my mentor
@LadyGun12 😂
Some goats are very provocative
The goat enjoys it also
Hey, it hurts to pee..
Just pull yer dress up….
He’s outside with his WIFE
What you mean no kids?
How many rohynol you take?
My parents wanna meet you.
Can I borrow your tampon?
did you put it in?
I work for the DNC.
Those Podesta boys are HOT!
Helen Thomas sure was HOT!
You look like Chelsea Clinton.
When I was 15, a guy asked me in a date. I said my parents won’t let me date (this was in 19559).
So the guy said,
‘Sneak out of your window!’
“Purse? I need cab fare!”
Verbal:
Wait….weren’t we married once??
Non Verbal:
Grandma always told me there are two things a lady never does in the bedroom: Point and Laugh.
What does this rag smell like?
My name is William Jefferson Clinton.
How do you define rape-rape?
I’m feeling offended AND disadvantaged.
Are you a size 14?
Be still and don’t move
Are you wearing a wire?
Gender fluid? I’m gender VAPOROUS!
I self-identify as Klingon.
Knock-knock.
[Who’s there?]
Death.
Voices in head like you.
Next Generation or Original Series?
Voices say to marry you.
Put me on your insurance.
Trump is not my president.
I’m a regular at LGF.
You come to funerals often?
Oh, just ignore the roaches.
You’ll grow into your nose.
Ass like a 10 y/o boy!
Steven Seagal’s a great actor!
You look like Rosie O’Donnell …
Want some candy little girl?
My van doors automatically lock!
I was made for prison.
Let’s go meet the gang!
Not a skinhead, it’s ringworm.
I can’t go over $2.
You’re hot like my sister.
Do you spit or swallow?
Don’t mind these oozing sores.
Doc says I’m safe now.
You don’t look 12 …
(don’t is a contraction of ‘do not’)
You bring your bicycle seat?
Are you on the rag?
I really, REALLY hate turtles.
Fuckin squirrels! Everywhere you look!
I can read your mind.
Was that me or you?
Do you have any sisters?
You don’t sweat much for a fat girl!
Mauve, Make the ceiling mauve
It is a mistake, Moonlight
It is supposed to drip
can you hold my beer?
(I said this to a rather petite redhead. Surprisingly, my injuries were not life threatening.)
You need a booster seat?