Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation.
They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.
The next morning they went to the beach
dressed in their ‘tourist’ garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a ‘drop dead gorgeous’ blonde in a topless bikini came walking straight towards them..They couldn’t help but stare.
As the blonde passed them she smiled and said ‘Good Morning, Father ~ Good Morning, Father,’ nodding and addressing each of them individually, then she passed on by.
They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests? So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits.
These were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them! Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a little while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a different coloured topless bikini, taking her sweet time, came walking toward them. Again she nodded at each of them, and said
‘Good morning, Father ~ Good morning, Father,’ and started to walk away. One of the priests couldn’t stand it any longer and said, ‘Just a minute, young lady.’ ‘Yes, Father?’
‘We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world do you know we are priests, dressed as we are?’
She replied,’Father, it’s me, — Sister Kathleen. ‘
*
h/t QN
SNIP: That shirt is for real. I found it HERE
Forty bux for a large and they are sold out.
I’d buy one just to be an eyesore at work, LOL.
ABC stores always have great tees in Hawaii and here.
What the F is a topless Bikini? If it’s topless it’s not a bikini.
An atheist was seated next to a young lady on an airplane and he turned to her and said, “Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger:.
The lady asked him, “What would you want to talk about?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” said the atheist. “How about why there is no God, Heaven, or Hell. And why there is not life after death?” as he smiled smugly.
“Okay”, she said. “Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?”
The atheist, visibly surprised by her intelligence, thinks about it and says, “Hummm, I have no idea.”
To which the young lady replies, “Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven, Hell or life after death, when you don’t know crap?”
The Pope went on vacation for a few days to visit the rugged mountains of Alaska.
He was driving along near the campground when he heard a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods.
He found a helpless Democrat wearing shorts, sandals, a “Vote for Hillary” hat and a “Save the Trees” shirt. The man was screaming and struggling frantically, thrashing about and trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot tall grizzly bear.
As the Pope watched in horror, a group of Republican loggers wearing “Go Trump” T-shirts came racing up. One quickly fired a .44 magnum slug right into the bear’s chest. The two other men pulled the semiconscious Democrat from the bear’s grasp.
Then, using baseball bats, the three loggers finished off the bear. Two of the men dragged the dead grizzly onto the bed of their pickup truck, while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.
As they started to leave, the Pope summoned all of them over to him. “I give you my blessing for your brave actions!” he proudly proclaimed.
“I have heard there was bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic environmental activists, but now I’ve seen with my own eyes that this is not true.”
As the Pope drove off, one logger asked his buddies, “Who was that guy?”
“Dude, that was the Pope,” another replied. “He’s supposed to be in direct contact with Heaven and has access to all wisdom.”
“Well,” the logger said, “he may have access to all wisdom, but he don’t know squat about bear hunting. By the way, is the bait still alive or do we need to go back to California and get another one?”
Oh, and I had a pair of pants like those shirts. In the 60s. I made them myself. Seem to remember I only wore them once.
Awesome, Claudia! I hope I get a chance to use that.
Probably not Germaine, I’ve spent a lot of time on Maui. They have several nude beaches. That’s where all the fat people hang out.
Bad_Brad, when you tell the joke just replace ‘topless bikini’ with ‘scanty underpants.’
Hey BB, maybe the proper word would be Monokini. hubbbba! 🙂
Anti Catholic crappy joke. A little over done. Not to worry. No heads will be lopped off. Did you hear about the Rabbi, the Priest, and the Minister? No? Ah hell I’ll tell it some other time.
After 40 years Guido shut his bakery down to take a vacation. To Rome. To the Vatican actually. He wanted to see the Pope.
He bought a $1,200 custom fitted suit for the occasion. He wanted to look especially sharp.
He actually got into the Pope’s mass, on the aisle. In came the Pope. So close! But the Pope ignored Guido and went straight for the hobo looking man in the next pew.
Of course! The Pope is giving comfort to the poor unfortunate one.
After mass, Guido offered to trade suits with the hobo. The hobo didn’t need to be asked twice.
So the next day, Guido the baker is lucky enough to get an aisle seat again. The Pope enters the mass, blessing the flock with holy water, when he spies Guido – in the hobo suit.
The Pope comes right to Guido, his heart is pounding.
The Pope speaks into his ear, “I told you to get the Hell out of here yesterday. Don’t come back!”
Ok, the Pope joke is funny, LOL.
I don’t like Pope jokes anymore, and I have many, but this Pope, Francis, is a joke.
My favorite church joke: A man is washed up on a deserted island and is force to stay there for 5 years. Finally he’s rescued.
As the boat is pulling away one of his rescuers notices somethings and asks the man a question.
“Hey, I know you were the only one on the island, how come you built three shacks?”
The man answered, “Well the one on the right I lived in and the one on the left I went to church in.” The rescue guy says, “Well that explains two of them, what about the one in the middle?”
“Oh yeah, that one,” the man being rescued responds, “that’s where I used to go to church.”
With Passover approaching I thought I’d share this one:
Since it was a nice day, Moishe took his Passover lunch to eat outside in the park where he sat down on a bench and began eating.
A blind man walking by sat down on on the bench next to him where upon they struck up a friendly conversation. Moishe, feeling in a sharing mood, gave the blind man a sheet of his unleavened matzo bread.
The blind man had never had Matzo bread before, so he started feeling it to figure out what exactly he had in his hands.
He felt the Matzo on one side for a few moments, then turned it over and did the same thing. Finally he shook his head and shrugged his shoulders, turned to Moishe and exclaimed:
“who wrote this shit?”
An aide excitedly rushed into the Pope’s office and exclaimed I have good news and bad news! The Pope asked what is the good news. The aide replied that God was calling him on the telephone. What is the bad news the Pope asked. The aide replied that he was calling from Salt Lake City!
Sooooo … they asked ME to be vi-Preznit!
Thas sum funny shit, rite their …