You Got WHAT Stuck WHERE??? – IOTW Report

You Got WHAT Stuck WHERE???

Friday, 10 January 2020, 12:00 MJA Uncategorized 31

KFI:

Every year, Americans always seem to find a way to get some kind of inanimate objects stuck in their bodies… This happens so often, that the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission keeps a database of it all.

The database includes descriptions (verbatim), from emergency room visits across the country. We’ve included some of the real examples from their database below, just for you! Enjoy…

31 Comments on You Got WHAT Stuck WHERE???

  4. …ok, my wife would kill me if she knew I told anyone this, but I can trust YOU guys, right?

    …when we were young and childless and full of hormones, we kind of wanted to STAY childless for awhile, but not forever, so I made use of condoms, sucessfully so in most cases.

    …this ONE time, tho, well, we kind of didn’t sequence correctly, so some activity may have taken place in the first rush that possibly could have led to the, ah, surface the condom was to be applied to, that caused it to be prematurely slippery on the INSIDE.

    Which is BAD.

    …but, quality control doesn’t mean a lot to a stiff dick, so after a hurried unfurling of the standard over the flagpole that SEEMED effective, once mire unto the breach he went again, my friends, BIG time, and VERY enthusiastically, TOO.

    Well, there comes that time in the afterglow when the dusagreeable task of disposing of certain materials becomes necessary, but the removal action was hindered by it’s complete absence.

    Knowing full well it had been applied, a search was initiated of the immediate, and sweaty, area, and other than the wrapper the thing came in from a tangle of sheets, there was no evidence it ever existed.

    Uh.
    Oh.

    …this led to a more private, intimate search of the, eh, scene of the crime, so to speak, which I truthfully did not mind as I had only very recently thoroughly visited the region on a somewhat lengthy and active pleasure cruise, but without it becoming gynocologically incompatable with intimacy (not to mention VERY RUDE), nary hide nor hair were to be seen of that rascal-wrapper.

    …so…

    …Later, at the hospital, after having delicately explaining our moonlight dilemma to an amused triage nurse, and considerably LESS delecate but FAR more intimate discussion with a pretty well maintaining house gyno and his snickering assistant, a professional search in earnest was conducted for the wayward wiener wrapper, which deteriorated quickly as there was STILL difficulty getting visual conformation without the tools of the trade, so after I again confirmed that deployment had occurred but recovery had not, that worthy then turned to his tray of shiny tools to select the speculum, a device I had hitherto been aware of, but had NEVER witnessed in action.

    …I remained with my mortifed wife because, well, the situation was kind of my fault, and I had to do my penance for suffering in spirit if not on stirrups. Trurh be told, she was kind of amused along with very embarassed too, and she was FAR more forgiving than I would have been in similar straits.

    ..it was all WORTH it, though, when Dr. Hymen (not his real name) finally visualized the prize he sought, and …not bragging or nothing…he said, honest to goodness, “That sure is crammed really deep in there!”.

    …red-faced though I was, it was all I could do to not say, “Why, Thank You! It’s a gift!”

    …for which, her look assured me, I would have been well and truly neutered once she arose from her accouchment, so I clamped down HARD lest I never be given an opportunity to display such prowess ever again, and sheepishly held my peace.

    …I don’t know if the female assistant reacted to this data point or not. Given her previous risibiliy, I didn’t dare look.

    …so, after everyone was good and embarassed, with a hospital bill to pay and the rest of what had been an intimate evening lost, Dr. Hymen cautioned us that whatever the condom was supposed to prevent, it most assuredly did not do so in that position, he bid us go thou forth and lubricate no more.

    Lesson learned, evening both wonderful early and wrecked late, but a great story to tell, in MY view, but “Don’t You DARE!” in hers.

    So, I DIDN’T tell it.

    Until NOW.

    …so, keep it to yourselves, eh, guys? Don’t put it on the Internet or anything…

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  5. Uncle Al, when I was a little kid I decided I wanted to know what a vacuum sounded like. Believe it or not, I turned the vacuum on and put the hose up to my ear. At least I was smart enough to open up those little breather holes on the hose or I would have sucked my brains out. I did have an earache for about 6 months. I can still remember the look on the doctors face when my mom told him what I did.

    15

  6. Oh… Faggots… You’re an endless source of astonishing tales for us non-fucked up people…

    Rectum (Damn near killed him):

    “PATIENT STATES HE STATES SLIPPED IN THE SHOWER AND LANDED ON A METAL AIR FRESHENER CAN AND IT WENT INTO RECTUM”

    FOLDING KNIFE
    PLASTIC TOY, “ABOUT 6 INCHES LONG”
    TOOTHPICK
    TOOTHBRUSH
    TOOTHBRUSH HOLDER
    PLUNGER HANDLE
    MATTRESS FOAM
    TWO RAZOR BLADES
    TWO SMALL VIBRATORS
    TURKEY BASTER
    CONDOM WRAPPER
    COAT HANGER, “PATIENT UNSURE HOW IT GOT THERE”
    GARDEN HOSE CAP
    CIGARETTE LIGHTER
    TOY HOCKEY STICK
    WATER GUN
    BAG OF HEROIN
    COINS
    EGG TIMER
    SMALL SHAMPOO BOTTLE
    LARGE SHAMPOO BOTTLE
    LIGHT BULB
    APPLE SAUCE CAN

    “ACCIDENTALLY GOT A DILDO LODGED IN RECTUM & CUT THE END OF THE DILDO OFF”
    “STUCK A 4 INCH BUTT PLUG UP RECTUM YESTERDAY, HANDLE BROKE. HE CONTINUED TO PUSH THE TOY IN”

    “WAS USING PROSTATE MASSAGER & IT GOT ‘SUCKED IN’”’
    CHRISTMAS ORNAMENT

    7

  7. I have seen with my own eyes at the ER a Tabasco bottle stuck in a man’s rectum (surgery required), a plastic bead up in a child’s nose, coins in several kids’ bellies, nails in hands and fingers from pneumatic nailers, and candy stuck far into a child’s ear. Of course things going INTO the body are less disgusting than those things COMING OUT of the body

    9

  13. Personally witnessed a man in the ER with an entire pineapple stuck and in his ass. Just the leaves we’re sticking out. He did not seem fazed or ashamed, as if this were not his first time having something removed from his backside. It was also not the first time I wished for the sweet meteor of death to strike the Earth….

    13

  16. I have a friend who removed a plastic tool box, yes it was full of tools, from a faggot’s asshole. The thing was about five high by seven inches wide and fourteen inches long. How the guy’s guts didn’t fall out after that is anyone’s guess. Barbie dolls are common place.

    5

  17. joe6pak JANUARY 10, 2020 AT 12:50 PM
    “Uncle Al, when I was a little kid I decided I wanted to know what a vacuum sounded like. Believe it or not, I turned the vacuum on and put the hose up to my ear.”

    …well, for you and Uncle Al, let me tell you about a vacuum cleaner experience a young man had while exploring a bit lower.

    We were called to a residence for a panicky young man who screamed for an ambulance, did not supply any further details, and hung up.

    Turns out that wasn’t the ONLY hang-up he had.

    …seems he’d heard about this thing from his friends you could do with a penis and a vacuum cleaner, and decided to see if the legends were true.

    …you fellows, Al and Joe, may be old enough to remember the old Kenmore vacuum cleaner wands, the metal ones with the sharp wand ends because they were just cut and not filed? Where it was a bad idea to stick your hand in there to clear a jam because they were like little round razors inside? Well, he had him one of THOSE as his self-love partner, and apparently didn’t remove any wand sections either, simply removing the brush, turning the appliance ON, and going to the other end for…”insertion”.

    …here’s a bit about aerodynamics in a vacuum cleaner. It isn’t TRUE vacuum, but rather the establishment of a nearly laminar air flow induced by a powerful motor, so it’s basically moving air that causes the suction at the end. On inanimate, loose objects this works great, entraining them into the airstream until trapped by the filter bag.

    If you proffer it a fixed, irregular, semi-rigid object, however, the dynamic is a bit different.

    …if you insert a irregular, semi-rigid object into a laminar air flow that doesn’t fill the cavity it is flowing though, this has a tendency to create pressure differential around the object if it is held at a fixed point outside the aperture. This airflow causes the object to move to the side with the lower pressure very rapidly, but then the nature of the object becomes occlusive of the air on that side when it makes contact with the walls of the cavity, thus moving the low pressure to the other side, which draws the object with extreme rapidity to THAT side, ad infinitum unless something in the system changes.

    This has the effect of speedily oscillating the object from side to side rather violently.

    Which brings us to the sharp edges of the wand, and the distance the operator placed himself from the controls.

    Apparently this caused some significant, immediate pain, which doesn’t help your mental clarity, and this particular vacuum model was rather powerful, so it did significant, bloody damage until our hero gave up on simply withdrawing his now swollen component from its intimate prison and went to the motor base while dangling the sharp wand elephantine style between his legs thus doing additional damage although the swelling had doubtlessly damped the oscillations at this point, and did succeed in stopping the motor from further increasing the damage.

    The swelling at this point made extraction problematic, however, and the blood was frankly alarming. So, this did need some medical attention.

    As with any impaled object, removal is not advisable in the field, so the wand was reduced to the extent possible and the patient stabilized on his side with the object immobilized, then transported to the hospital where they successfully cut the confining wand from the damaged and engorged flesh, and then were able to treat it appropriately.

    …I would like to believe that young man learned a valuable lesson that day about the inappropriate use of tools.

    I am fairly certain he was advised about it when the folks showed up at the hospital and wanted to know why their vacuum cleaner had been outraged besides…

    …and also, those Kenmores were incredible back then. I seriously doubt the modern Chinese versions of those could do even a FRACTION of the damage this ALL METAL version did…

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  18. SNS, I’m glad to have learned my lesson by nearly sucking my brains out through my ear. Sounds like this kid almost accomplished it by cleaning out his abdominal cavity first. That would suck.

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  26. Supernightshade,that’s why you should always carry a photograph of Hillary Clinton (a Chelsea Photo will do too)in your medical bag for erections lasting for more than….well, for more than you want them to.

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