I’m The Rapid Response Social Worker Who Replaced The Police – IOTW Report

I’m The Rapid Response Social Worker Who Replaced The Police

It’s not an easy job. In fact, it’s impossible, but it’s for social justice!

By David Marcus
The Federalist:

[Humor]
I’m not gonna lie, this isn’t exactly what I expected — lying here in the hospital. I mean, it’s only a few broken bones, a punctured lung, and some stitches to the head, but I almost feel betrayed. Three weeks ago when I took the five-hour online course to become an unarmed rapid response social worker, I thought I was helping mankind. After all, with the police abolished, somebody had to be there to mitigate when people had inevitable disagreements.

My first mitigation didn’t go great. I was called to the scene of a bank robbery — which, there weren’t supposed to be any bank robberies once the capitalist-driven oppression of the police no longer created crime, but this guy apparently didn’t get the memo, I guess. He was a Latinx male-presenting person about 5’6” holding a shotgun.

Thinking back on my extensive training, I tried to calm things down with a breathing exercise. But he just kept yelling and pointing the gun at me, which again, not supposed to happen. I told him that as a white cis man, I could never know the trauma the Spanish-speaking people suffered under white genocidal maniacs like Cortez, and while his desire to rob the bank was understandable, even laudable, we have collectively decided not to support such actions, and resources were available to him.

That’s when he hit me in the head with the butt of his gun; I think it was the butt of his gun, anyway. When I woke up, I realized this job was not going to be as easy as I thought it would be. That was just one person, though — one person who is really rich now. But to assume he represented the entire criminal class would have been the height of privilege, right? And after all, it’s only money, and a slight concussion.

The next day went remarkably better. I was called to a gang fight that was about to get very heated. No guns this time, just knives and brass knuckles. I suggested we all sit in a circle and use a feelings chart to determine what had brought us all to that place. I did not, of course, suggest that why I was there was for some inherently better or more virtuous purpose, and I think they really got it! They stopped fighting each other and stole my wallet, instead. Progress.

20 Comments on I’m The Rapid Response Social Worker Who Replaced The Police

  1. This reads more like a documentary than satire. I think we should start a movement to convince people like this that the only way to lose their toxic privilege is to agree to be sterilized.

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  2. This she/he should have taken the full course on “reality checks” and saved she/he’s money, ass and time as a real world “rapid response social worker”.

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  3. SS
    SD
    SA
    NKVD
    KGB
    OVRA
    STASI
    GeStaPo
    MBP
    KDS
    &c.

    Yeah … they organize “Rapid Response Social Workers” … I guess that’s one way to look at it … well done.

    izlamo delenda est …

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  4. Forty years ago when I was a young naive fool and trying to save the world I graduated from Eastern Washington University with a BA in Social Work. I’m glad that I grew out of that because I would’ve made a lousy social worker as even then I really didn’t believe in all that bs especially the Cloward/Piven nonsense. Don’t ask me why, the only good thing is that I know how these idiots work and their tactics and it disgusts me how I got suckered into thinking that social work was a noble profession. It’s not and I’m better for waking up and seeing the folly of man trying to prove that he is the measure of all things. Being a Christian also helped me to realize how foolish I was in trying to save the world without God. I’d rather be what I am now happy with who I am, my 3 kids and 4 grand daughters than having been a brainwashed progtard and leading a miserable life. None of which would’ve happened if I had followed that path.

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  5. …that hypothetical social worker should BE so lucky…

    …because it’s not like the hospital workers that were cheering the protesters yesterday will still be there tomorrow after their private police forces are ALSO removed and the noble natives realize there’s a VERY large supply of free drugs at hand, as well as an endless supply of beds to work out any unwilling nurse fetish fantasies on…and also, when a gan…I mean, a “collective” decides it wants someone in another “collective” dead, they’ve been known to follow the ambulance to the hospital so they could finish things there, and maybe a doc or two ends up being collateral damage…

    …pretty sure the cafeteria will get raided too, not to mention the homeless people that will take over whatever beds aren’t already sticky with blood and semen, which may make social distacing problematic; and the crumbling infrastructure on the streets that are now too dangerous to repair may hamper deliveries even if the collrctive doesn’t empty the trucks out at the checkponts, assuming they get very far before getting raided for rumored drugs or food before being burned in the first place.

    And forget about ambulances. They ALSO got raided for drugs and forcible entry tools, and the medics beaten because they LOOKED like police, so you’re not getting there THAT way.

    …and those doctors SURE have some NICE cars there in the reserved lot, don’t they? Well, not any MORE…

    …so no, don’t expect to be able to maintain a fully-functional First World hospital in a Third World war zone. These do NOT operate in a vacuum and are NOT respected by all playas for ehat they do. Back BLM as they may, the lamb’s blood of propaganda posters on the hospital lintel will NOT keep the POC Angel of Death outside, unless he’s setting FIRE to the place…

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  6. “Three weeks ago when I took the five-hour online course to become an unarmed rapid response social worker…”

    …I had to laugh at THIS line because they don’t realize how close to the TRUTH it is.

    I was running Squad when the Democrats shut the mental institutions down so they could create homelessness instead, but as an intermediate step so they could PRETEND they weren’t just pitching them out on the street, they came up with the fiction of “community-based mental health care”.

    This was a fancy way of saying unsecured group homes in residential neighborhoods.

    …they said that, if a homeowner (home RENTER in many cases, SURPRISE, landlord!) would get a modicum of “training”, they could take in loose spools, as many as they could reasonably cram in, and the County would pay them. Since the stipend was based on how many you have, they had a GREAT incentive to load up. Bear in mind that the new “keepers” were just average Bettys and Joes, and had only the County training on mental health behind them.

    Although to be fair, it wasn’t online since that didn’t exist yet.

    And I think it was 10 hours, not 5.

    But that was IT. Houses were not modified and, as a BONUS feature, the County and City waived the normal sorts of “public notification” type things so you usually found out that you had a group home as a neighbor when one of the large number of men your neigbor inexplicably suddenly had wandering around his backyard tried to set your house on fire because he was pretty sure you were the Devil.

    …I won’t get into what a truly terrible idea this proved to be since this isn’t about crazy people and homelessness, but it DOES demomstrate that Govenment does NOT thing these things THROUGH, and just because Govenment SAYS someone’s qualifed to do something, doesn’t mean they ARE, as 5 minutes on any road with your fellow LICENCED drivers can readily demonstrate…

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  7. …I’ve known social workers like you get their eyes rudely opened before, @geoff the aardvark…one of my favorites was a Black woman my wife and I met in Tae Kwon Do classes and keep up with many, many years later who went into social work to help “her community” and got SO frustrated she quit to become a licensed mortician to prep and dress dead bodies instead. Said the ex-people she dealt with at the funeral home were more cooperative and less obstinate than the LIVE ones she USED to deal with, and it wasn’t rewarding AT ALL to try to help people who REFUSED to give a shit about ANYTHING but when the next check’s coming…

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  8. I’m getting certified this weekend as an official, ‘Time Out Monitor’. Pretty proud, and expect great results. I ordered 12 bean bag chairs to haul around in the van, ready for that impromptu crisis response.

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  9. …anyway, that’s NOT what’s going to take over for the Police, it will be gangs elevated to the status of police and Shari’a patrols instead. THEY will beat the CRAP out of people for REAL crimes like having a Trump sign in the yard or a MAGA hat on your head, kissing in public and not wearing a hijab, or the worst crime of ALL which is being White, but you’ll NEVER hear about it from the Soros Media so it will APPEAR the problem went away.

    …BLM is ALREADY disarming people in Seattle in lieu of the Police. You don’t think they’ll be sending brownshirts instead of social workers to YOUR door for YOUR guns? You don’t think the Media will drop the story if uniformed Fruit of Islam members shoot you dead in your home for complaining about the 4:30 AM broadcast of the Adhan at top volume from the corner mosque?

    Think AGAIN, Brave New Worlders.

    This party’s just getting STARTED.

    And Soros WON’T be sending social workers to YOU…

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  10. D. Koresh
    JUNE 11, 2020 AT 9:53 AM

    “…12 bean bag chairs to haul around in the van…”

    …that doesn’t sound like proper social distancing, so the Muslim-operated armored vehicle will be busting into the side of your van presently on unconfirmed reports you’re molesting children @David, sure hope your van doesn’t burst into flames or anything when they do…

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  11. ^^^except they’d have to have 13 to make sure satan worshipers feel included and also to not celebrate those people who oppressed the Palestinians, is how THEY would put it…

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  12. I was having an exchange on Quora with someone who said that there would still be the people with guns to go after the really bad guys when needed. I asked “Wasn’t that the problem now?”

    She was telling me that in the city where she lives the police department also uses “social workers” in conjunction with regular police officers. I explained that that might be a good thing, but that is not what the “defund” and “disband” people were talking about — like the people who call for eliminating ICE do not talk about replacing it wit a “kinder and gentler” version, they just wanted it gone.

    At least I could have an exchange with her unlike most people on that side.

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