Just the news: A 20-year-old woman was discovered this past weekend breathing at a Detroit funeral home hours after she was declared dead by paramedics and sent to the mortuary by her bereaved family.
“While it is our practice not to comment on open investigations, we can confirm that on Sunday, August 23, 2020, we received a call to pick up a Southfield woman who was deceased. Upon her arrival at the funeral home, our staff confirmed she was breathing and called EMS,” the mortuary told ABC News on Monday. more
Anyone checked her eating habits since she rose from the dead?
Vampires and zombies do this sort of thing.
Let’s hope she was a Democrat because she’s going to pay hell trying to get her vote back.
Refresher training for Detroit Paramedics: Dead people do not have a pulse and do not breathe.
Lawyers are probably slapping each other silly trying to get to her!!
Never get in between a lawyer and a Victim!
Was she declared dead by BLM “medics”? That could explain it.
Did they make the diagnosis by using their sense of smell?
Being from Detroit my guess is that she is a democrat so now she will have two votes.
Visions of a stiff suddenly sitting up and scaring the crap out of the morgue attendant. It would be really funny if she yelled “TRUMP!” at the same time.
Oh no, they’re gonna have to subtract her name from the COVID death toll roster.
If I ever needed paramedics to come to my aid. I wouldn’t want a white paramedic (hired just because they were white), nor a black paramedic (hired just because they were black). Hired just to satisfy some diversity policy. White or black, I’d want the most skilled, hired after exceeding high standards of: knowledge, skills, experience, in the ambulance coming to my aid.
This woman unfortunately got the dumb ones. Why? Who knows. Could it be due to lowered standards put in place to permit dumber ones be hired?
I’m sorry to hear it.
Whatever the cause of the mix up 🤔The Lord isn’t done with her on earth. If her life was bad i hope she turns around and uses what The lord gave to her.dont blame the medics,God is in control…
“Wait.. I CAN breathe!!!”
Makes you wonder about some Chinese virus deaths. Did they rise up and get bonked on the head as a help to the grave?
Reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.
If it helped me leave Detroit, I’d play dead, too.
…in my day, it wasn’t really a “Thing” to declare people dead in the field, unless it was EXTREME.
The “gold standard” for this was euphemistically referred to as “Injuries Inconsistent with the Continuance of Life”. As a PRACTICAL matter this meant that, if I find your BODY in the ditch after your motorcycle accident but your HEAD smashed into the pavement by a semi a good 15 feet or so away, it’s probably OK for me to safely say you have left us. If I can’t find your sternum to do CPR because the explosion blew it into the basement, I may consider you as departed, and safely say so. If your femurs have been rammed out your ass and pinned you into the drivers seat when you submarined under your dashboard after hitting that wall at 80 MPH but you bled almost nothing because you didn’t have an airbag and you hit the steering column with such force that it blew up your heart, I may just mention that your time has come on my own. If you spent your last few minutes before I made your acquaintance with a fire that burned your limbs down to flippers, popped your eyeballs, and boiled your brain to where it leaked out the holes where your ears used to be, then MAYBE I’m going to see if someone a bit less dearly departed is around to help.
Other than PRETTY upfront stuff like THAT, no, the doctor can make that call, either at the hospital, or a flight surgeon.
But there’s exceptions to the EXCEPTION.
As a matter of protocol, to keep the mother from losing her shit and to be able to report all possible was done, when you were called to a Sudden Infant Death Syndrome baby, a baby that died at some point overnight, maybe from positioning, maybe even from Moms sleeping with it and smothering it in her sleep, it could be a no-doubter, stiff as a lawn ornament, obvious dependant lividity from the uncirculated blood pooling at cotact areas, no electrical activity scummy-eyed long-departed corpse…and you STILL had to do the full CPR regimen to it, bag and trag, tube and move, ALL THE WAY TO THE HOSPITAL and let the DOCS explain the obvious to Moms in a more controlled setting. Didn’t matter what I thought, to the hospital we go.
I had a version of that where Moms was holding Junior in her lap and he made a DANDY airbag for her when the car she was a passenger in forcefully hit ANOTHER car. Why, Mom was practically uninjured and solid as a rock!
Can’t say the same for Junior. In breaking Mom’s impact HE got his intestines shot out his asshole into his diaper, his chest crushed, and his skull pushed together so his brain was poiking into his fontanelle like a balloon filled with pudding.
We had to hump HIM to the hospital under full, absolutely pointless CPR, without puking or stopping, for the sane reasons, to keep Moms from losing it in the street and to put it on the docs to say she had smashed him into a very, very small coffin.
…yep, good times. Fun, fun, fun.
So back then, death was NOT treated casually or carelessly, at least not to my knowledge. The only real exceptions involved DNRs that were just getting started then, where we were expected to just watch someone breathe their last and not DO anything about it, because, paper.
And THOSE didn’t always get honored, either.
First, WHY THE HELL DID YOU CALL AN AMBULANCE IF YOU JUST WANT HIM TO DIE? It’s NOT a HEARSE, we didn’t traffic in corpses (much, depended on the coroner).
Second, it was NEW, and there were a TON of non-standardized and fishy looking documents out there. I’m NOT a lawyer and I don’t have TIME to wait to save a life to read your who-the-hells-signature-is-this document and call some fucking legal office after-hours, and for all I know you dreamed this thing up because you want Uncle Steve dead even though HE doesn’t want to be dead, so unless your legal talent notified the County and/or the Department beforehand and it was verified, no dice, we can talk about it at the hospital or in Court later, if there isn’t dependant lividity and/or rigor mortis already.
We ALWAYS were taught to error on the side of LIFE.
I CAN explain why I caused a live person to be live.
I CAN’T explain a corpse that died because I kept thumb firmly up ass and did nothing.
So this wouldn’t be likely at ALL in MY time or place, when we were taught to value and fight for LIFE.
…but it’s the current year and Life appears to be considered cheap, at least to ONE political party, so maybe it’s a “thing” now, who knows…
Jimmy AUGUST 26, 2020 AT 12:47 PM
“Visions of a stiff suddenly sitting up and scaring the crap out of the morgue attendant. It would be really funny if she yelled “TRUMP!” at the same time.”
..you know, except for the “TRUMP!” part, that really isn’t that rare, and also does NOT mean you’re alive just because you sat up.
…you see, there’s this thing where your body doesn’t figure out you are dead as fast as your brain does. It’s gone, checked out, your soul is off having Roast Beef with Jesus, you are no longer occupying it, BUT it still has nerve ends that can fire and skeletal muscles that can take hours to die their OWN death, and things sometimes tighten and contract in different ways as your body cools and hardends before it goes COMPLETLEY flaccid.
Also, there’s this thing where you have TWO lung volumes, the “Tidal” volume which is what you actually bring in and out, and the “Residual” volume that you never expel in life, although it is churned so it’s not like it’s the SAME air from your birth breath, but its a volume of air you don’t normally expel.
If you select an organs IN funeral, where they don’t pull all your chitlins out and fill the cavities with old hospital bed sheets and the pathologist’s cigarette butts, then one of the things the mortitican best remember to do is to push that little bit of air out of your lungs with his hands, because if he DOESN’T, it may come out LATER, and Aunt Martha isn’t gonna be HAPPY when she goes up to Aunt Esther’s box and Esther’s lips part and makes a REALLY foul-smelling HURRGH! sound.
You may end up burying Aunt Martha after that as well, not to mention the pandemonium that will ensure when Cousin Steve spills Aunt Esther out of the box in a misguided attempt to revive her, revealing to everyone that her dress doesnt have a back because it was easier to dress her in the box that way, and maybe her scalp flaps forwards over her eyes too to show where the pathologist undermined it to remove her brain which is kind of unsettling even if he put it back later as they WILL do on demand.
The most EXTREME case of this I ever heard of was in NYC back when they were using wheel guns, and a guy was checked into the mourge after a rookie cop had put him down permanantly. The cop had to go to the mourge to identify the corpse, and he was having a remarkably bad day, what with killing a guy on his first day on the job, not to mention he was neither familiar with or comfortable with mourges, and it wasn’t helped by the fact that the assistant led him into the examination ward (they had multiple tables with several corpses slabbed, New York City you know), and left him there while he went to peruse paper records of which one came from where.
It was about this time that the corpse of the man the cop had shot earlier sat up, due to the muscle contractions, a few feet away from the cop, facing him, and expelled that tidal air so he went BBLLARRGH! at the man who had recently killed him one final time as the sheet slipped off his lifeless body.
Hearing the gunshots, the assistant ran back into the room to find the cop in a Weaver stance facing the corpse than now sported six neat, bloodless holes in its chest as it continued to regard the rookie from its sitting position with long-sightless, open eyes. The assistant gently removed the empty gun from the police officer’s grip and explained what had happend, eventually relaxing the man enough so they could both discuss the matter with the hospital cops that pelted down to the mourge just a few minutes later.
It was not recorded if that young man stayed with it, but he really SHOULD have, since it was VERY unlikely nothing WORSE would happen to him TOMORROW…
Taking a shot in the dark and guess these were affirmative-action paramedics there in Destroit?
There’s a reason people in Detroit hold a ‘Wake”
…also, just a footnote to the one about declaring someone dead, just to illustrate how seriously they took this, we once picked a man up off the highway that was knocked off his motorcycle by a truck into a traffic lane where he was run over by several cars that ripped him to pieces and scattered him over a quarter mile of highway, some pieces that we recovered from people’s grilles later on the next day.
Obviously this qualified as “Injuries Inconsistent with the Continuance of Life”, so we treated this as a HazMat incident for the blood and shreds of meat, and called extra manpower to comb the highway and the shoulder and the verge for meaty trophies like the boot with some foot still in it, then placed this in several convenient fluid containment bags inside body bags and were given the morgue as our, heh, “final” destination by our Squad captain.
Having schelpped this fleshy and, by now somewhat whiffy, puzzle of recently departed MC member to the Coldstone Corpsery, we told the worthy we had managed to engage there (morgues don’t have very active emergency departments, so it took a minute to find him) about our lonely load and offered to unload it for him free of charge, but he said “Cool, can I look”? Nothing loathe, we let him peer into our sacks of sadness, after which he glanced at our report sheet and said, “Can’t take him. He’s not dead”
…not sure what HE saw in the bag, we took a deep breath and regarded our odoriforous outrider with suspicion (and bile), but nothing of note was going on THERE, so a further inquiry of Peter Lorre revealed that, without a doctor-signed death certificate, he could not be admitted to the august halls of the mortuary sciences, and as the pathologist who actually WAS a doctor would not be there for some hours, we were welcome to seek a signature elswhere and then show him our autograph collection at a later time.
So off to the nearby General Hospital we carried our erstwhile rider, repeating the invitation to view our gassy gussets to a happily fresh new ER doc who was still new enough to actually walk OUT to the ambulance bay in pursuit of new visions, and we gave him our malodorous message forthwith.
Having obtained the required signature, we then retuned to the Ward of the Fallen, there to forevermore rid ourselves of our bygone biker…until someone had apparently puzzled that guy back together, then called the House and told us we didn’t have ALL of them, thus informing me what the second-worse job I ever heard of was, but that’s a different story for anothher day…
Toxic Deplorable Racist SAH B Woodman AUGUST 26, 2020 AT 12:38 PM
“Was she declared dead by BLM “medics”? That could explain it.”
Thank you for putting “Medics” in quotes there. I’ve given MY opinon on those who pretend to that and yet serve in satan’s stead, and will do so again here…
…They need to stop calling them “medics”. That’s an insult to past and present medics everywhere. They are unsupported underequipped undertrained scum who are there only to give a false sense of security so they can exhort everyone else to ever MORE physically stupid things.
And some of them join in the attack, something NO medic should do.
Also, the ones that ARE trained are betraying their Oath to their City, State, Nation, and God because it’s a SWORN position TOO, and at the very LEAST it tells us your word means NOTHING.
…also, I guess you forgot all ABOUT the manditory crime reporting they taught you about in class? I heard in Seattle in particular they were OK not telling on rapists among other crimes, and that they are generally not fulfilling ANY of the manditory GSW reporting responibilites or, really, OTHER crimes, possibly because they are PARTICIPATING in them.
…and if you WERE an actual medic, and did it for any length of time, I can GUARENTEE the cops saved your ASS once. Probably MORE than once. And they saved your PATIENTS too, they were always there FIRST, made the scene safe for YOUR ungrateful ass, kept ugly encouters with your patients family members and enemies at bay, kept YOU from being collateral damage in a gang war when someone followed your ambulance to finish their victim off, helped YOU by protecting intersections AHEAD of you when your patient needed to be at the hospital NOW, followed your unit to the hospital when you were transporting a criminal or a violent mental for YOUR protection…
…shall I go on? It’s a LONG list, I’ve had MANY reasons to thank God for cops in my years of service, never had them shirk a call, and have had them physically stand between me and violence when someone decided they didn’t want me or my patient to live any more.
Police and Fire/EMS are two fingers on one hand. If you can shit on that and betray your oath, I’m done with you, and not ONLY do I no longer consider you a brother/sister, I don’t even consider you to be a decent human being.
You were part of the body of civilization once. Now you’re NOT. Unlike the usual Antifa idiot, YOU KNOW BETTER.
And that makes YOUR crime a WILLFUL one.
“And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.”
Matthew 5:29
…to hell with those “medics”. They don’t only deserve a beating.
They deserve a traitor’s death.
Dr. Oliver Toussaint of the Living Rock Life Regeneration Church of New Orleans was involved in this incident.
“Bring out your dead”
“Buh I’m not dead yet!”
BTW, SNS. Do you get paid by the word? 😉
F4UCorsair
AUGUST 26, 2020 AT 4:38 PM
“BTW, SNS. Do you get paid by the word?”
…no, I get paid by the smiles I know I put on children’s faces when their parents read them one of my lighthearted whimsies to send them gently to bed with dreams of the happy world I illustrate behind their eyelids…;)
Supernightshade
Funny you should say that. I copied your rant yesterday about Stupid vs Smart and had my daughter read it as part of her home school class today. She loved it.
Was she from Southfield or Detroit? If its Detroit, she was better off dead!
Heretic AUGUST 26, 2020 AT 5:13 PM
“Funny you should say that. I copied your rant yesterday about Stupid vs Smart and had my daughter read it as part of her home school class today. She loved it.”
…thanks, but you don’t say how old she is, so maybe leave the one with the obviously dead infants off her reading list, for now…