The police in my area have reported the theft of a shipment of filing cabinets, document folders and labeling machines―it’s believed to have been the work of organized crime.
22
german father with bread in hand, “the wurst is yet to come”
9
Did you hear about the Cannibal who passed his brother in the woods?
12
Two guys walk into a bar, the third guy ducks.
13
A wealthy woman in San Francisco in the 1950’s called her favorite Chinese Laundry to pick up some laundry that needed cleaning. A man from Kan Du Laundry stopped by to pick up a huge bag of laundry and said he would return it all clean next week on Monday.
But he returned it on Saturday this week, 2 days early. The rich lady was very pleased and said “You come Likety Split”. The Chinese Laundry guy, dumfounded, replied: “No Lady, I come to deliver your laundly”.
8
Did you hear about the guy who had rectum trouble. He thought it was asphalt.
4
There were and are a few beer bars and beer breweries in the southern states owned by northern liberals and mostly frequented by liberals. They’d serve lots of beer right out of kegs or by the bottle. But beer out of the keg proved to be the most popular.
In every southern state they held a state-wide yearly beauty contest for liberal southern belles, black or white, held in these beer bars. All the runner ups from each southern state went to a bar in Atlanta every June so the judges could pick a winner.
The name of the Beauty Contest: Miss Keg Nation.
1
Need an aspirin?
Go sit on a hot stove.
3
Sign outside a church in England: To all Rectums: Get your Asses back to the Rectory Immediately.
4
Bill Clinton, George Bush and Donald Trump were all on a plane and the only other passenger was a hot blond. The plane was in trouble and the pilot said they were going to have to jump but there were only 3 parachutes for the passengers. Donald Trump said everyone take a parachute and he’d ride it out. George Bush said the presidents should get the parachutes and f*ck the girl. Bill Clinton said, do we have time?
7
Two tramps walk into a room…..
Oops! Thought this was the Kamala Harris, Kardashian story. My bad.
8
An aging, over the hill porn star, a proven pathological liar and the publisher of National Enquirer walk into a courtroom walk. The judge takes one look at them and says
What is this, a bullshit case against Donald Trump?
7
Guy walks into a bar takes a 12 inch man out of his pocket.
The 12 inch man walks down the bar to a guy eating peanuts and kicks all the peanuts to the floor. Then he goes to a guy eating potato chips and steps on all the chips. Then takes a piss in the guy’s beer!
Bartender says to the guy, where did you get that 12 inch man?
Guy says, found a lamp, a Genie came out and granted me one wish. I wished for a 12 inch prick… and there he is.
12
Why was the pirate excited to hear about the new business opening in his home port? It was a second hand shop!
4
What would he have got if he had asked for a 12-inch cock? A 12-inch rooster.
2
Now wonder Germans get so overweight. They have both Hamburg and Frankfurt in their country.
4
@ 743: his request was misunderstood, the genie thought he asked for a 12-inch pianist
3
Did you hear about the queer bear that laid his paw on the table??
2
What do you call a herd of masturbating cattle?
Beef strokin off
3
movie about a gynecologist & a non-semitic dude? an orifice-seer & a gentile-man
2
There was a young girl named Dot
Who survived on vomit and snot
When she couldn’t get these
She lived on the cheese
She picked with her thumb from her twat
2
d. evans to r. rogers after he retrieves a pair of formerly-pristine boots, and the mountain lion that tried to eat them: pardon me roy, is that the cat that chewed your new shoes?
4
Russian word for the Siph: Rotchercockoff.
1
What did the cannibal order at the restaurant?
The waiter!
FROM CANNIBAL JOKES
2
Why did the cannibal want to join the Police force? So, he could grill suspects.
3
a pedocrat safari company had to shut down their elephant-hunting business, the decoys were too heavy for their employees
1
Did you hear Jeffrey Dahmer got out on parole?
It cost him an arm and a leg.
I got a lot of mileage out of that joke until Dahmer had his skull caved in.
1
Joe Biden got 81 million votes!
7
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
a stick
1
@ Zonga – Out of laziness I copied your post and edited, but the joke is a little different.
Guy walks into a bar takes a 12 inch man out of a briefcase.
The 12 inch man pulls a small piano out of the briefcase, sits down and proceeds to beautifully play classics from Mozart, Beethoven and others.
Quite amazed, the bartender asks the guy, where did you get this amazing little 12 inch man and his piano?
Guy says, found a lamp, a Genie came out and granted me one wish. The bartender replied, that’s quite interesting, but how did you end up with a foot tall little man and a piano?
The guy responded, you don’t think I asked for a 12 inch pianist do ya?
2
The Indian chief was a local legend known for his ability to remember things.
A tourist from back East heard of this and asks the chief what he had for breakfast on this day 20 years ago.
Without hesitation, the chief answers, “Eggs.”
Unable to dispute what he said the tourist moves on down the road.
Two years later, the tourist finds himself in the same town and comes across the chief he had met before. Wanting to be friendly, he approaches the chief, raises his hand and says “How.”
The chief immediately replies, “Scrambled.”
3
Bob Hope on stage once boasted that in his youth he was in great shape, had lots on muscles in his arms, had a big broad chest, worked out a lot, and had been a boxer.
Then he glanced around to his backside and said: But that’s all behind me now.
1
President Andrew Jackson was nick-named “Old Hickory”. Abe Lincoln was nick-named “Honest Abe”.
What will be Biden’s nick-name? I think “Old Fart & Stumble” fits.
A Cannibal Police Detective named Bob McBeefe was assigned to investigate a report of a murdered person. The investigation soon ended in the “dead” file.
The police in my area have reported the theft of a shipment of filing cabinets, document folders and labeling machines―it’s believed to have been the work of organized crime.
german father with bread in hand, “the wurst is yet to come”
Did you hear about the Cannibal who passed his brother in the woods?
Two guys walk into a bar, the third guy ducks.
A wealthy woman in San Francisco in the 1950’s called her favorite Chinese Laundry to pick up some laundry that needed cleaning. A man from Kan Du Laundry stopped by to pick up a huge bag of laundry and said he would return it all clean next week on Monday.
But he returned it on Saturday this week, 2 days early. The rich lady was very pleased and said “You come Likety Split”. The Chinese Laundry guy, dumfounded, replied: “No Lady, I come to deliver your laundly”.
Did you hear about the guy who had rectum trouble. He thought it was asphalt.
There were and are a few beer bars and beer breweries in the southern states owned by northern liberals and mostly frequented by liberals. They’d serve lots of beer right out of kegs or by the bottle. But beer out of the keg proved to be the most popular.
In every southern state they held a state-wide yearly beauty contest for liberal southern belles, black or white, held in these beer bars. All the runner ups from each southern state went to a bar in Atlanta every June so the judges could pick a winner.
The name of the Beauty Contest: Miss Keg Nation.
Need an aspirin?
Go sit on a hot stove.
Sign outside a church in England: To all Rectums: Get your Asses back to the Rectory Immediately.
Bill Clinton, George Bush and Donald Trump were all on a plane and the only other passenger was a hot blond. The plane was in trouble and the pilot said they were going to have to jump but there were only 3 parachutes for the passengers. Donald Trump said everyone take a parachute and he’d ride it out. George Bush said the presidents should get the parachutes and f*ck the girl. Bill Clinton said, do we have time?
Two tramps walk into a room…..
Oops! Thought this was the Kamala Harris, Kardashian story. My bad.
An aging, over the hill porn star, a proven pathological liar and the publisher of National Enquirer walk into a courtroom walk. The judge takes one look at them and says
What is this, a bullshit case against Donald Trump?
Guy walks into a bar takes a 12 inch man out of his pocket.
The 12 inch man walks down the bar to a guy eating peanuts and kicks all the peanuts to the floor. Then he goes to a guy eating potato chips and steps on all the chips. Then takes a piss in the guy’s beer!
Bartender says to the guy, where did you get that 12 inch man?
Guy says, found a lamp, a Genie came out and granted me one wish. I wished for a 12 inch prick… and there he is.
Why was the pirate excited to hear about the new business opening in his home port? It was a second hand shop!
What would he have got if he had asked for a 12-inch cock? A 12-inch rooster.
Now wonder Germans get so overweight. They have both Hamburg and Frankfurt in their country.
@ 743: his request was misunderstood, the genie thought he asked for a 12-inch pianist
Did you hear about the queer bear that laid his paw on the table??
What do you call a herd of masturbating cattle?
Beef strokin off
movie about a gynecologist & a non-semitic dude? an orifice-seer & a gentile-man
There was a young girl named Dot
Who survived on vomit and snot
When she couldn’t get these
She lived on the cheese
She picked with her thumb from her twat
d. evans to r. rogers after he retrieves a pair of formerly-pristine boots, and the mountain lion that tried to eat them: pardon me roy, is that the cat that chewed your new shoes?
Russian word for the Siph: Rotchercockoff.
What did the cannibal order at the restaurant?
The waiter!
FROM CANNIBAL JOKES
Why did the cannibal want to join the Police force? So, he could grill suspects.
a pedocrat safari company had to shut down their elephant-hunting business, the decoys were too heavy for their employees
Did you hear Jeffrey Dahmer got out on parole?
It cost him an arm and a leg.
I got a lot of mileage out of that joke until Dahmer had his skull caved in.
Joe Biden got 81 million votes!
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
a stick
@ Zonga – Out of laziness I copied your post and edited, but the joke is a little different.
Guy walks into a bar takes a 12 inch man out of a briefcase.
The 12 inch man pulls a small piano out of the briefcase, sits down and proceeds to beautifully play classics from Mozart, Beethoven and others.
Quite amazed, the bartender asks the guy, where did you get this amazing little 12 inch man and his piano?
Guy says, found a lamp, a Genie came out and granted me one wish. The bartender replied, that’s quite interesting, but how did you end up with a foot tall little man and a piano?
The guy responded, you don’t think I asked for a 12 inch pianist do ya?
The Indian chief was a local legend known for his ability to remember things.
A tourist from back East heard of this and asks the chief what he had for breakfast on this day 20 years ago.
Without hesitation, the chief answers, “Eggs.”
Unable to dispute what he said the tourist moves on down the road.
Two years later, the tourist finds himself in the same town and comes across the chief he had met before. Wanting to be friendly, he approaches the chief, raises his hand and says “How.”
The chief immediately replies, “Scrambled.”
Bob Hope on stage once boasted that in his youth he was in great shape, had lots on muscles in his arms, had a big broad chest, worked out a lot, and had been a boxer.
Then he glanced around to his backside and said: But that’s all behind me now.
President Andrew Jackson was nick-named “Old Hickory”. Abe Lincoln was nick-named “Honest Abe”.
What will be Biden’s nick-name? I think “Old Fart & Stumble” fits.
A Cannibal Police Detective named Bob McBeefe was assigned to investigate a report of a murdered person. The investigation soon ended in the “dead” file.
He had eaten the evidence.