“wtf happened to my balls?”
“Single spaniels near me.”
h/t Colonel Angus
“Why does human give cats better food?”
Angus told me there was a thread on Reddit a while back that asked what dog owners would suppose their pets searched for, if they could type. lol
In the comments, let the people know what questions your dog, cat, bird, snek, bun bun, etc., would ask on the internets.
Why do I have to go outside? I can pee on the floor just fine and it’s not like you ever pee outside in the yard.
Everything in a cat’s search history would be about world domination.
And maybe, “Why did we let humans stop worshipping us like the gods we are?”.
GoB
SATURDAY, 22 JUNE 2024, 8:15 AT 8:15 AM
“Why do I have to go outside? I can pee on the floor just fine and it’s not like you ever pee outside in the yard.”
…I live in the country, insulated from neighbors and with my own creek, so that last part isnt stricty true and my dog KNOWS it…
Work-arounds when you don’t have thumbs.
my dog;
Where is my tennis ball? *click!*
WHERE is my TENNIS ball? *click!* *click!*
OK, WHERE THE H IS MY TENNIS BALL!!!!”*click!**click!*click!* *click!**click!* *click!*
…also my dog;
“How do I get MORE time with my female human and still get my male human to sneak me trea…OMG SOMEONES WALKING UP THE STREET A HALF ACRE AWAY! BARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARK!
My border collie Kirby, How soon can I go outside and start up the zoomies and barking at everything that moves. And where is my frisbee? And why can’t I eat the cat’s food, Finn tries to eat mine. And please, please when are we going for a ride in the car.
Meet rats and rabbits in your neighborhood.
Search – How to trick your human into letting you onto the sofa.
“Bacon”
Search – Best flea remedies.
Best music to wag your tail to.
Why can’t dogs eat human food?
Why do cats slap me with their paws?
What’s the best way to kill a cat?
Where can I find more squirrels?
Why don’t the neighbors like me?
Are possums good to eat?
It sure isn’t How much is that doggie in the window. Only a real old dog would know that one or old geezers.
My wife and I pissed of her older sister off years ago when she had a cat by giving her a copy of the funny book 101 uses for a dead cat. We thought it was hilarious, she obviously didn’t appreciate it.
How to catch squirrel
How to catch bunny
How to acquire entire pizza
Yo where my bitchez at!
How to catch duck
How to catch deer
How to build ramp for kitchen counter
How to get human to catch squirrel for me
How to get human to catch bunny for me
…
My dog never had this issue, but Ive known a lot that would have “OnlyFans Humpworthy Human Legs” in their searches.
…guess I just dont have the legs for it myself anymore…
And my dog would 100% use every pizza ordering app he could find if I was fool enough to preload credit card info…
How far down do I have to dig to get that chipmunk?
Stupid people tricks.
Porn Grub.
Poodle perversions
Why do dogs have to be tied to their humans?
My border collie is trained, all I have to do is snap my fingers and point to my right side, and she comes to heal.
Then when we meet someone walking their dog, she does a happy dance thing, just to piss’em off maybe.
“cone collar escape”
“how to open garbage cans”
“best tasting shoes”
@geoff the aardvark:
I’m a cat guy and I LOVED that book! Especially “oven mitts” 😮
@geoff the aardvark:
The one with the wag-gle-y tail?
Patti Page, 1953. I think that’s my earliest memory of hearing a song on the radio. I’d have been about 4.
There was also another book about suicidal bunnies that my oldest daughter loved and gave us a copy of years ago that was hilarious.
Sammy: Why do those skinny horses eat the bird seed?
Pistol: Silly, those are just tall long legged doggies.
Me: Deer.
Why are those: Brown, Gray & White/orange/blue vans allowed into the subdivision?
Hey, I understand the garbage guys. They know what they’re doing, but the others are just evil. Throwing things on our porch and walking across our lawn. It’s just WRONG!
BARK, BARK, BARK BARK, BARK, BARK BARK, BARK, BARK BARK, BARK, BARK!!!!
“what commercial cat food produces the best tasting cat poop?”
How to be let outside so you can want inside so you can want outside so you can want inside so you can want outside so you can want inside. etc.
Why do humans pee and poop in the porcelain bowl of cool refreshing water, rather in the bowl of stagnant room temperature water?
Why does hooman’s company jump and squawk when I come up behind them and put my nose in their butt?
My dog would probably be hitting up her veterinarian’s website and cancelling all her appointments.
Just for funsies, y’all have to check out the YouTube channel Layla The Boxer.
It is hilarious.
When a harelipped dog sees a stranger:
mark, mark, mark, mark, mark, mark, mark, mark, mark, mark, mark, mark…
Where does he go for EIGHT hours a day by himself? Does he go to the park alone to have fun?
Gardening website: How come when I bury bones it doesn’t produce more bones. What am I doing wrong?? I fertilize it daily!!
Disappearing Cats for Dummies.
How to blame your farts on humans.
How to sniff butts in a sociably acceptable way.
Bitches