I had unprotected phone sex once.
Now I’ve got hearing aids.
8
I had unprotected phone sex once.
Now I’ve got hearing aids.
1
@My 2 Cents:
Pam Bondi
Sam Brinton was funny.
Even Pete Buttigieg was funny.
Pam Bondi isn’t funny.
I take that back. Sorta.
The idea that Bondi’s funny is funny.
Atrocious names for businesses.
Bone Up Beef Ribs
Killer Cereal Company
P&P Bathroom Remodelers
Bavarian Ovens, Furnaces & Chimneys Company
Big Roach Inn and Restaurant
Fook Mi Chinese Café
(Yeah, they’re not real, I made them up)
2
Instead of “Pull my finger”, Bill Clinton says “Pull my horn”.
1
Butts Plumbing
(Yeah, itz real)
2
I was recently arrested for violating my probation officer
4
When I woke up this morning I wasn’t feeling myself .
Who ever that was they were pissed
1
My therapist moonlights as a dry cleaners. I get all my repressed memories with extra starch
3
I told my therapist so much about my mother that he doesn’t like her either
3
My 2 favorite signa on a sewage collecting truck (honey dipper): A royal flush beats a full house and: We’re #1 in the #2 business.
4
Signs.
1
Atrocious Product Names:
Bugger Off insect Spray
Up Yours Nose Drops
Cow Brand Instant Pancake Mix
FatAssGone Fat Burn Tablets
(nope, not real either – I hope)
Uncle Al,
My point is she’s a bad joke.
Bad joke Friday.
3
-I think Lawrence Welk used to say “A number one anna number two” to get his orchestra ready to play. Maye he was really thinking about the next intermission.
3
@My 2 Cents — NOW I get it, duh! Sorry, I’m a bit slow today.
1
@geoff — Real local septic company: DOODY CALLS
2
A skunk breeder is a person of phew words.
6
Hot jobs for 2026.
Chimney Sweeper
BBQ Grill Chef
Fireman
Furnace Repairman
Volcano Scientist
Sahara Desert Construction Worker
Fireworks Tester
1
I once met a man with a wooden leg named smith
When I first met him I asked him what the name was of his other leg.
2
National Football League News from 2075.
Hey y’all. Stan Pidulski here reporting on the state of NFL in 2075. The NFL has always been popular. But the owners and commissioner may have done harm to the NFL’s popularity by a measure they introduced back in 2070.
The problem they tried to address was a complaint brought to their attention from food venders at all of the NFL stadiums. The vendors pointed out that when a team got to the 40-yard line or less from their opponent’s goal line, fans would be glued to their seats so they would not miss any big plays. Only a few fans would go to up to the concourses to buy beer, hot dogs, popcorn, or in California, wine and sushi during that critical time. The vendors lost too much money by keeping their operations open – but they still had to pay their employees for non-productive snoozing and fooling around time.
The vendors formed a business owners union and confronted the league with their complaints. After a year of meetings to come up with a solution, the vendors union and the NFL came up with a plan. Whenever a team came within 40 yards or closer to the opponent’s goal line, the referees would stop play for 15 minutes to allow fans to get more food, beer, etc., without missing a play. Some fans liked the idea and were happy. Some other fans got more drunk and more grouchy over the delays. Some fans left during the long time-outs. The average length of an NFL game became more than 5 hours to complete. Fans at home watching the telecasts would spend 24 hours a day every Sunday to watch all four games.
At this time, in 2075, nobody knows if the NFL will grow much more than the 214 teams it now has.
1
A man with a wooden leg met a woman with a wooden eye at a disco. They started a conversation and they each recognized a kindred soul in the other, both having a wooden part of their bodies.
Finally, wooden leg asked her if she would like to dance.
Pam Bondi
Pull My Fingers
Q. What does Kathy Griffin use for face cream?
A. Preparation H.
I had unprotected phone sex once.
Now I’ve got hearing aids.
I had unprotected phone sex once.
Now I’ve got hearing aids.
@My 2 Cents:
Sam Brinton was funny.
Even Pete Buttigieg was funny.
Pam Bondi isn’t funny.
I take that back. Sorta.
The idea that Bondi’s funny is funny.
Atrocious names for businesses.
Bone Up Beef Ribs
Killer Cereal Company
P&P Bathroom Remodelers
Bavarian Ovens, Furnaces & Chimneys Company
Big Roach Inn and Restaurant
Fook Mi Chinese Café
(Yeah, they’re not real, I made them up)
Instead of “Pull my finger”, Bill Clinton says “Pull my horn”.
Butts Plumbing
(Yeah, itz real)
I was recently arrested for violating my probation officer
When I woke up this morning I wasn’t feeling myself .
Who ever that was they were pissed
My therapist moonlights as a dry cleaners. I get all my repressed memories with extra starch
I told my therapist so much about my mother that he doesn’t like her either
My 2 favorite signa on a sewage collecting truck (honey dipper): A royal flush beats a full house and: We’re #1 in the #2 business.
Signs.
Atrocious Product Names:
Bugger Off insect Spray
Up Yours Nose Drops
Cow Brand Instant Pancake Mix
FatAssGone Fat Burn Tablets
(nope, not real either – I hope)
Uncle Al,
My point is she’s a bad joke.
Bad joke Friday.
-I think Lawrence Welk used to say “A number one anna number two” to get his orchestra ready to play. Maye he was really thinking about the next intermission.
@My 2 Cents — NOW I get it, duh! Sorry, I’m a bit slow today.
@geoff — Real local septic company: DOODY CALLS
A skunk breeder is a person of phew words.
Hot jobs for 2026.
Chimney Sweeper
BBQ Grill Chef
Fireman
Furnace Repairman
Volcano Scientist
Sahara Desert Construction Worker
Fireworks Tester
I once met a man with a wooden leg named smith
When I first met him I asked him what the name was of his other leg.
National Football League News from 2075.
Hey y’all. Stan Pidulski here reporting on the state of NFL in 2075. The NFL has always been popular. But the owners and commissioner may have done harm to the NFL’s popularity by a measure they introduced back in 2070.
The problem they tried to address was a complaint brought to their attention from food venders at all of the NFL stadiums. The vendors pointed out that when a team got to the 40-yard line or less from their opponent’s goal line, fans would be glued to their seats so they would not miss any big plays. Only a few fans would go to up to the concourses to buy beer, hot dogs, popcorn, or in California, wine and sushi during that critical time. The vendors lost too much money by keeping their operations open – but they still had to pay their employees for non-productive snoozing and fooling around time.
The vendors formed a business owners union and confronted the league with their complaints. After a year of meetings to come up with a solution, the vendors union and the NFL came up with a plan. Whenever a team came within 40 yards or closer to the opponent’s goal line, the referees would stop play for 15 minutes to allow fans to get more food, beer, etc., without missing a play. Some fans liked the idea and were happy. Some other fans got more drunk and more grouchy over the delays. Some fans left during the long time-outs. The average length of an NFL game became more than 5 hours to complete. Fans at home watching the telecasts would spend 24 hours a day every Sunday to watch all four games.
At this time, in 2075, nobody knows if the NFL will grow much more than the 214 teams it now has.
A man with a wooden leg met a woman with a wooden eye at a disco. They started a conversation and they each recognized a kindred soul in the other, both having a wooden part of their bodies.
Finally, wooden leg asked her if she would like to dance.
She answered: “Would I, would I, would I”.