A ship carrying red paint and a ship carrying blue paint collide in the middle of the ocean.
Both crews were marooned.
11
Here is a Good Joke.
Back when the movie “Looking for Mr. Goodbar” came out, Johnny Carson made a joke out of the title.
He called it “Looking for Mr. Goodjoke”.
5
Did you hear?
Bill Krystol has endorsed Mamdani.
Who didn’t see that coming?
1
More ridiculous MSN headlines.
How the USSR Built a City at the Edge of the Earth
-What I’d like to know is: where is the edge of the Earth?
Russian Ghost Town on the North Pole
-They built it for Santa Claus, but neither he, Mrs. Claus, nor the Elves wanted to live there.
Barbara Palvin is a Modern Fall Fairytale Muse in Sheer Beaded Brown Skirt Set
-This headline was undoubtedly written by a Limp-wristed Fairy Gay Fag
Find top colleges in the nation, compare ranked by universities, ratings &…
– The Headline comes with a picture of a guy carrying a surfboard.
2
Certain Oddball Military Organizations.
In WW1, during the first battle of the Marne in August 1914, the Generals of the French 2nd Infantry Division organized a Marathon 24-mile run back to Paris for their soldiers. It is “good for morale and it’s keeping the men in good fighting condition” the Generals told the Paris newspapers.
During the US Civil War, the State of Tennessee, always unsure of whether it was a slave or union state, organized the First Tennessee Volunteer Regiment, nicknamed the Blue-Greys. On Mondays, the Blue-Greys fought for the Union, on Tuesdays, it fought for the Confederates, Wednesdays, back to the Union, etc. On Sundays, it rested and most of the men got drunk and ended the day even more confused.
In both WW1 and WW2, the US Army deployed the “Fighting 69th” Infantry Division in France. The French people laughed and called them the “Soixante-nuefers”. Religious leaders in the US demanded a name change, but the army refused.
The rich and politically connected young men of London established the London Chaps “Black Bowler” Battalion in late 1915 to go fight in France. The nominal strength of the Black Bowlers was 700 fellows, but half of them were butlers, valets, cooks, dressers and other servants. The Black Bowlers themselves were not trained in warfare, so they told their servants to do the actual fighting while the rich Bowlers slowly followed them, yelling things like “Hip, Hip, Hooray”. The Bowlers demanded, and got, bowler shaped steel helmets, high-necked shirts, nifty suits, and spats, so they could go into battle properly dressed as English Gentlemen. After day one of the Somme Battle in July 1916, due to enemy bombardment and machine gun fire, the Battalion’s nominal and actual strength was reduced to zero.
The Pentagon created the 7010th Composite group in early 1944. Its members were scientists, mechanical engineers, artists, and movie directors. The unit was tasked with designing and building a huge 200 foot metal monster covered in fake plastic green lizard scales that would invade Tokyo and scare the Japanese into surrendering. The monster was completed, field tested, and towed across the Pacific by April 1945. It was then dropped under the surface 1 mile from Tokyo Bay and programmed to rise up and go ashore there. But it broke up and tumbled into the bay after 1.2 miles. The Japanese just laughed at it, and newspaper cartoonists made great fun out of it. When President Truman heard about the disaster he said: “Damn those Japs. This is not funny…OK…it’s blood and guts now. No more bullshit”. After the end of WWII, the Japanese pulled the wreckage out of Tokyo Bay, got it to work, and made a movie out of it.
During the German Invasion of May and June 1940, The French 3rd Cavalry Division, “Les Rattleurs des Sabres” (The Saber Rattlers) were held in reserve near the mouth of the Loire River in western France. The division never moved an inch nearer to the front. It was easily disarmed and disbanded by the Wehrmacht in July 1940, and its personnel were all turned into a bunch of spies working for the Germans.
1
Continued from last week.
The ABC Network Stars War of the Stomachs took place at both the ABC Headquarters and at the contestants’ residences. ABC cameras followed the contestants as far as the restroom and bathroom doors but no further. An ABC spokesperson explained: “Sometimes, ABC will respect personal privacy”.
Network personalities were selected for the Network Battle of The Stomachs, divided into 4 teams. Each team went on a six-day diet of cheese or beans, both cheese and beans, or neither cheese nor beans nor anything else. ABC News interviewed each team after six days of dieting:
Cheese Team:
David Muir
Liz Cho
Bean Team:
George Stephanopolous
Ginger Zee
Bean & Cheese Team:
Robin Roberts
Alex Perez
No Bean, No Cheese, No Anything Team:
Michael Strahan
Layla Anastasia
The true story of Stephen Hawking’s final oyster, told from the oyster’s perspective.
I was lying on a bed of ice – damn cold, I’m tellin’ ya. Then I heard this guy Stephen Hawking mumble something about how everybody must get off the earth in 100 years. What a knucklehead. I don’t know if he included oysters in that, but I won’t be around for it, so I don’t care. Next thing, he picks me up and moves me toward his mouth. Slides me off my shell, depresses his tongue, and forces me in. A rather foul place indeed. I bet he hasn’t scraped his tongue clean in years. Granted, he probably couldn’t reach up that far, or reach sideways, whatever the case, to clean it.
Then, I went sliding down his throat and into his esophagus. What a trip. First, I saw a sign ahead that said “Turn Left”, then followed by another sign that said, “Turn Right”, then I made another sharp left turn. Just like switchbacks on a mountain highway. Finally, I splashed down into a big basin. It was kind of dark, all bubbly, and smelled horrible. There were all kinds of things floating around, pieces of pork, peas, some parts of potatoes, carrot hunks, other things. It was all bland English pub fare. And the water was all yellow. Disgusting to say the least. Suddenly, I saw my two sardine friends, whom I had met up with in the oyster bar. One of them was half gone, but still conscious. They told me they had just survived an “acid attack”, and there would be another soon. Then, we all saw a huge ball fall into the basin. As it floated by, I reached out and touched it. It was cold with a creamy texture. An icy creamy stuff of some kind. After that a big wave splashed over us. I told the sardines it was Guinness Stout, of which I had recognized the smell from the oyster bar. That was followed by another big wave, this time of Jameson’s Irish Whisky, which I also correctly identified. There was also a big ball of gas floating above us, but then it disappeared, apparently finding a way out.
To be continued….
@Bad Joke Lists
Billy Krystol consulted his krystol ball before coming up with that endorsement.
1
These are 5 funny Halloween dad jokes just because. 1 If you forget to pay for your exorcism will you be repossessed. 2 What’s the scariest plant in the forest? Bamboo. 3 What music do mummies love to listen to? Wrap music. 4 What pet does Dracula want the most? A bloodhound. 5 How do you fix a broken pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch.
6
How does a Roman order 5 beers?
He flashes what we know as the V for victory sign.
5
@Zonga
Two Thumbs Up
1
Zonga – Reminds me of Winston Churchill and his cigar always in between his forefinger and middle finger. On friday night he was riding in his Jag when a guy in a Vette stops next to him at a red light. Winston made the sign of the V and said “Wanna drag?”
A ship carrying red paint and a ship carrying blue paint collide in the middle of the ocean.
Both crews were marooned.
Here is a Good Joke.
Back when the movie “Looking for Mr. Goodbar” came out, Johnny Carson made a joke out of the title.
He called it “Looking for Mr. Goodjoke”.
Did you hear?
Bill Krystol has endorsed Mamdani.
Who didn’t see that coming?
More ridiculous MSN headlines.
How the USSR Built a City at the Edge of the Earth
-What I’d like to know is: where is the edge of the Earth?
Russian Ghost Town on the North Pole
-They built it for Santa Claus, but neither he, Mrs. Claus, nor the Elves wanted to live there.
Barbara Palvin is a Modern Fall Fairytale Muse in Sheer Beaded Brown Skirt Set
-This headline was undoubtedly written by a Limp-wristed Fairy Gay Fag
Find top colleges in the nation, compare ranked by universities, ratings &…
– The Headline comes with a picture of a guy carrying a surfboard.
Certain Oddball Military Organizations.
In WW1, during the first battle of the Marne in August 1914, the Generals of the French 2nd Infantry Division organized a Marathon 24-mile run back to Paris for their soldiers. It is “good for morale and it’s keeping the men in good fighting condition” the Generals told the Paris newspapers.
During the US Civil War, the State of Tennessee, always unsure of whether it was a slave or union state, organized the First Tennessee Volunteer Regiment, nicknamed the Blue-Greys. On Mondays, the Blue-Greys fought for the Union, on Tuesdays, it fought for the Confederates, Wednesdays, back to the Union, etc. On Sundays, it rested and most of the men got drunk and ended the day even more confused.
In both WW1 and WW2, the US Army deployed the “Fighting 69th” Infantry Division in France. The French people laughed and called them the “Soixante-nuefers”. Religious leaders in the US demanded a name change, but the army refused.
The rich and politically connected young men of London established the London Chaps “Black Bowler” Battalion in late 1915 to go fight in France. The nominal strength of the Black Bowlers was 700 fellows, but half of them were butlers, valets, cooks, dressers and other servants. The Black Bowlers themselves were not trained in warfare, so they told their servants to do the actual fighting while the rich Bowlers slowly followed them, yelling things like “Hip, Hip, Hooray”. The Bowlers demanded, and got, bowler shaped steel helmets, high-necked shirts, nifty suits, and spats, so they could go into battle properly dressed as English Gentlemen. After day one of the Somme Battle in July 1916, due to enemy bombardment and machine gun fire, the Battalion’s nominal and actual strength was reduced to zero.
The Pentagon created the 7010th Composite group in early 1944. Its members were scientists, mechanical engineers, artists, and movie directors. The unit was tasked with designing and building a huge 200 foot metal monster covered in fake plastic green lizard scales that would invade Tokyo and scare the Japanese into surrendering. The monster was completed, field tested, and towed across the Pacific by April 1945. It was then dropped under the surface 1 mile from Tokyo Bay and programmed to rise up and go ashore there. But it broke up and tumbled into the bay after 1.2 miles. The Japanese just laughed at it, and newspaper cartoonists made great fun out of it. When President Truman heard about the disaster he said: “Damn those Japs. This is not funny…OK…it’s blood and guts now. No more bullshit”. After the end of WWII, the Japanese pulled the wreckage out of Tokyo Bay, got it to work, and made a movie out of it.
During the German Invasion of May and June 1940, The French 3rd Cavalry Division, “Les Rattleurs des Sabres” (The Saber Rattlers) were held in reserve near the mouth of the Loire River in western France. The division never moved an inch nearer to the front. It was easily disarmed and disbanded by the Wehrmacht in July 1940, and its personnel were all turned into a bunch of spies working for the Germans.
Continued from last week.
The ABC Network Stars War of the Stomachs took place at both the ABC Headquarters and at the contestants’ residences. ABC cameras followed the contestants as far as the restroom and bathroom doors but no further. An ABC spokesperson explained: “Sometimes, ABC will respect personal privacy”.
Network personalities were selected for the Network Battle of The Stomachs, divided into 4 teams. Each team went on a six-day diet of cheese or beans, both cheese and beans, or neither cheese nor beans nor anything else. ABC News interviewed each team after six days of dieting:
Cheese Team:
David Muir
Liz Cho
Bean Team:
George Stephanopolous
Ginger Zee
Bean & Cheese Team:
Robin Roberts
Alex Perez
No Bean, No Cheese, No Anything Team:
Michael Strahan
Layla Anastasia
Test Results will be announced next week.
What is this?
https://x.com/CitizenFreePres/status/1984313525716619384
**NSFW Drunk Nancy addressing Churchs
The true story of Stephen Hawking’s final oyster, told from the oyster’s perspective.
I was lying on a bed of ice – damn cold, I’m tellin’ ya. Then I heard this guy Stephen Hawking mumble something about how everybody must get off the earth in 100 years. What a knucklehead. I don’t know if he included oysters in that, but I won’t be around for it, so I don’t care. Next thing, he picks me up and moves me toward his mouth. Slides me off my shell, depresses his tongue, and forces me in. A rather foul place indeed. I bet he hasn’t scraped his tongue clean in years. Granted, he probably couldn’t reach up that far, or reach sideways, whatever the case, to clean it.
Then, I went sliding down his throat and into his esophagus. What a trip. First, I saw a sign ahead that said “Turn Left”, then followed by another sign that said, “Turn Right”, then I made another sharp left turn. Just like switchbacks on a mountain highway. Finally, I splashed down into a big basin. It was kind of dark, all bubbly, and smelled horrible. There were all kinds of things floating around, pieces of pork, peas, some parts of potatoes, carrot hunks, other things. It was all bland English pub fare. And the water was all yellow. Disgusting to say the least. Suddenly, I saw my two sardine friends, whom I had met up with in the oyster bar. One of them was half gone, but still conscious. They told me they had just survived an “acid attack”, and there would be another soon. Then, we all saw a huge ball fall into the basin. As it floated by, I reached out and touched it. It was cold with a creamy texture. An icy creamy stuff of some kind. After that a big wave splashed over us. I told the sardines it was Guinness Stout, of which I had recognized the smell from the oyster bar. That was followed by another big wave, this time of Jameson’s Irish Whisky, which I also correctly identified. There was also a big ball of gas floating above us, but then it disappeared, apparently finding a way out.
To be continued….
@Bad Joke Lists
Billy Krystol consulted his krystol ball before coming up with that endorsement.
These are 5 funny Halloween dad jokes just because. 1 If you forget to pay for your exorcism will you be repossessed. 2 What’s the scariest plant in the forest? Bamboo. 3 What music do mummies love to listen to? Wrap music. 4 What pet does Dracula want the most? A bloodhound. 5 How do you fix a broken pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch.
How does a Roman order 5 beers?
He flashes what we know as the V for victory sign.
@Zonga
Two Thumbs Up
Zonga – Reminds me of Winston Churchill and his cigar always in between his forefinger and middle finger. On friday night he was riding in his Jag when a guy in a Vette stops next to him at a red light. Winston made the sign of the V and said “Wanna drag?”