Bad Analogies

63 Comments on Bad Analogies

1. Her hips were wide, a little bit wider than her nostrils.

2. From the plane I could see the landscape dotted with the red roofs of the native’s huts, looking a little like Debbie Wasserman Schultz’s back acne.

3. The ice was cold. It was as cold as… frozen water.

4. I really like:

   “Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.”

   I’ll endeavor to use it one day.

5. Bigfurhat was commenting alone, alone as a cash customer at a liquor store on the MLK.

6. The sun rose over the horizon like a great big radioactive baby’s head with a bad sunburn…

7. She was sending me mixed signals like a dyslexic third-base coach.

8. The brook was shallow, like the Biden gene pool.

9. The room was stuffy, like the inside of a prosthetic leg.

10. She felt like crying. Crying like Henry Waxman tweezing his nasal hair.

11. Much like a leper on a bumpy road, his argument fell apart.

12. There was an odd plinking sound, like a glass eye bouncing down subway stairs.

13. Sure these are not from college?
    Her as was as fat as her husbands head.

14. It was quiet…too quiet…quiet as a conch shell holding Nancy Pelosi’s head up to its ear.

15. It was hot. Hot like the friction burns produced by michelle obama’s thighs in corduroy pants.

16. #10
    #14
    #19
    Awesome analogies.

    Loved it. Thanks.

17. Her eyes were the color of weather (That’s a bad Tom Petty lyric)

18. My favorite: Slicker than deer guts on a doorknob.

    Or: Go piss up a rope.

    Molly Ivins’ gems.

19. Mooch was denied her tamale and she was distraught and she bellowed her displeasure, much like Chewbacca.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cT2jfbLvtgs
    .

20. “The sea was angry that day. Like an old man pushing back soup at a deli.”

    George Costanza

21. He was anxious- wound up tighter than Beyonce’s weave.

22. He was an amazing piano player, hands working as independently as Gary Busey’s eyeballs.

23. We were all suspicious of that girl. She was sketchier than an artist with a #2 pencil.

24. Can anyone read GM Facebook and if so how about a link?
    http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-AM6V6OURZXY/UfA4PIWE3GI/AAAAAAAACOs/MVGmFA5Fxbc/s1600/2c15433432ba2e325726624e3826c7bc.jpg

25. She had more red flags than a vendor at a bullfighter convention.

26. As Bo and Velma walked along the shore the clouds hung ponderously on the horizon like steel-gray, loosely formed gorilla turds

27. http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/analogy‎
    a comparison of two things based on their being alike in some way. : the act of comparing two things that are alike in some way. plural anal·o·gies …
    Just had to check the meaning again.

28. The horizontally driven rain on our faces felt like

    ball bearings slung from the skirts of Turkish

    whirling dervishes.

29. I’d give the descending testicle of large sperm whale if I could take credit for that last one … but I can’t. That was George Carlin’s

30. He fell for her harder than Long Division was on Joe Biden.

31. It was as brilliant as Big Fur Hats plan to open a XXXL condom store in Tokyo.

32. her screams of terror were as loud and sustained like nancy pelosi being shown a crucifix

33. The spy blended in largely unnoticed, like a fart in the monkey house.

34. she was shaking. Shaking like a porn star at a revival meetin’

35. The naval officer was frantically sending out an SOS in morse code, like Katherine Hepburn embroidering a pillow.

36. Biden teaching kids swim lessons will work out about as well as Obama selling watermelons using state troopers to flag down the traffic.

37. That was dumber than going skinny dipping in the Amazon River with a herpes.

38. The earth beneath LA shook fiercely, it shook more than Jesse Jackson shaking down a honkey

39. Her voting record showed many blemishes, like on the face of an acne suffering teen.

40. The image was fuzzy and grainy like the skin on grandma’s chin.

41. The first ladies caboose was as wide as a caboose. On a train.

42. This Jack Handey analogy has always been my go-to for bad analogies:

    “Like jewels in a crown, the precious stones glittered in the queen’s round metal hat.”

    (not an analogy, but kinda) “The large black birds were calling his name, thought Caw.”

43. Now I’m worried, BFH… How do you know what Debbie Washmachine Shmutz’s back acne looks like?

44. You could do a separate section on metaphors…I’ve always liked them.

    One of my favorites: Uglier than a sackful of festering assholes.

    Or one you hear around here now and then: it’s raining like a tall cow pissin’ on a flat rock.

45. She said “do you know what I mean” to him so many times, that he actually began to know what she meant.

46. He swatted awkwardly at the mosquito, over and over, like Joe Biden trying to clap with one hand.

47. A bald spot is like a lie
    Now finish it

    Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.
    Albert Einstein

    Analogies are like similies with more history.

    http://writingenglish.wordpress.com/2006/09/12/the-25-funniest-analogies-collected-by-high-school-english-teachers/

48. The doorman was a sober-looking specimen, the kind of guy that breathes every other Tuesday.

    Pat Novak (Jack Webb)

49. Separating metaphors from analogies works as good as gettin’ gravy off your mashed taters. Why separate em when they go so good together?

50. Her snoring was as loud as a color-blind golfer’s plaid slacks.

51. Illegals are coming over to the states as thick as the flies covering oboma’s face!

52. Those similes are as tortured as a starving vegan with a plate of scrapple.

53. Like white hairs on an old man’s nutsack, these are the trials of our lives

    (Also works as a non-sequitur)

54. She had a face that could launch a thousand ships….over a cliff….

55. Sheila Jackson Lee makes as much sense as nice tits on a feminist.

    (wait…are we do bat analogies or funny metaphors…or do we care)

    we don’t care – bfh

56. The streets were empty and mean, like Harry Reid.

57. After a few drinks, Hank Johnson was tipsy – Guam like tipsy.

58. Posting this comment is like posting this posting this comment.

59. Hillary Clinton chasing the 2016 nomination is like Crazy Nancy Pelosi chasing GOP Rep. Tom Marino

60. Her breasts were so lopsided only Marty Feldman thought they were perfect.

61. He left behind a fearful shit stink; as if his colon had mutated during a childhood spent frolicking in the Chernobyl exclusionary zone

62. Her skin was so smooth like a peach that was caught in a printing press.

63. Trying to explain common sense to a liberal is like trying to explain color to a blind man.