Their face. And if it doesn’t intrigue me? I don’t look down.
And I am not lying.
(And if you’re a woman, and you believe that (as you should), you need to call me. 555-Gen-eral)
3
A disbarred perjurer and an aging porn star walk into a bar…
(the rest of the joke writes itself)
7
What is the first thing men notice about women?
Their heart, it’s not our fault it’s between their breasts.
10
In honor of my late wife Patty, What did the hamburgers name their new baby? Patty. My wife probably wouldn’t think that was funny, but I like that joke. My first-grade teacher was named Mrs. Hamburger and she was pregnant, I wonder what she named her child.
7
WAITRESS: “Soup or salad?”
ME: “I’ll just have a regular salad. It doesn’t have to be super.”
11
WAITRESS: “Wanna box for that?”
ME: “I’d rather wrestle”
10
@geoff the aardvark — Maybe she named him Slider
2
Two guys in a bar discussing their Martial Arts training decide to demonstrate their skills on a little guy just drinking a beer and minding his own business. The first guy goes over to the little guy, kicks him in the head, knocks him off the stool onto the ground, then stands over him and shouts: “Karate, from Japan!”
The little guy shakes it off and gets back on his stool and resumes drinking his beer.
The second Martial Arts guy gets up, goes over to the little guy and delivers a crushing kick-punch to him, knocks him off the stool onto the ground, then stands over him and shouts: “Savate from France!”
The little guy gets up, shakes it off and leaves the bar.
“A few minutes later” (in my best French accent) while the two guys are laughing about what just happened, there is a loud, ringing WHANG! – WHANG! and they both wind up on on the floor seeing stars with the little guy standing over them screaming: “Tire Iron from Sears!”
9
I’m feeling much better since I checked into the Hokey Pokey Clinic and ‘turned myself around’!
9
^^^ Thats whut Huner said!
1
Edit: Hunter
1
Uncle Al, I don’t think that Slider would’ve been a name in 1960.
I dunno about that geoff – White Castle always had the little burger that people called sliders, I just don’t know if WC ever called them that.
1
A big moron and a little moron sat on the edge of a building..
Why did the big moron fall off and the little one didn’t??
Because the little moron was a little more on.
5
A muslime, a communist and a homosexual walk into a bar.
The bar tender asks, “What’ll ya have President Obama?”.
9
A priest, a rabbit, and a minister walk in to donate blood. The rabbit says I’m a type-O.
7
Guess What?
Biden Sqwhat!..?
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
ATF.
ATF who?
ATFU!
(Maybe instead of “knock knock” that should be “bang bang”)
2
Why are the fish called smelt called smelt?
It’s the only fish species that does not use underfin deodorant.
3
True story: On the Groucho Marx TV program in the 1950s, he had on a newlywed couple. Groucho asked the new wife: What did you say to your husband on your wedding night.
She thought for a while, and then replied: Gee, that’s a hard one.
1
Prison Guard and Inmate Conversation over a 30 year period.
Inmate: Let me talk the Warden…he’ll realize I’m innocent.
Prison Guard: Sure, you can talk to the Warden, I’ll schedule a meeting.
This went on every day for 30 years. After saying the same thing over and over again, the conversation went like this, in order for both sides to save time and energy:
What is the first thing men notice about women?
Their eyes!
What is the first thing women notice about men?
They are liars!
How did Joe Biden get 44 holes in his forehead?
Leaning to user a fork.
^ What is the first thing I notice about women?
Their face. And if it doesn’t intrigue me? I don’t look down.
And I am not lying.
(And if you’re a woman, and you believe that (as you should), you need to call me. 555-Gen-eral)
A disbarred perjurer and an aging porn star walk into a bar…
(the rest of the joke writes itself)
What is the first thing men notice about women?
Their heart, it’s not our fault it’s between their breasts.
In honor of my late wife Patty, What did the hamburgers name their new baby? Patty. My wife probably wouldn’t think that was funny, but I like that joke. My first-grade teacher was named Mrs. Hamburger and she was pregnant, I wonder what she named her child.
WAITRESS: “Soup or salad?”
ME: “I’ll just have a regular salad. It doesn’t have to be super.”
WAITRESS: “Wanna box for that?”
ME: “I’d rather wrestle”
@geoff the aardvark — Maybe she named him Slider
Two guys in a bar discussing their Martial Arts training decide to demonstrate their skills on a little guy just drinking a beer and minding his own business. The first guy goes over to the little guy, kicks him in the head, knocks him off the stool onto the ground, then stands over him and shouts: “Karate, from Japan!”
The little guy shakes it off and gets back on his stool and resumes drinking his beer.
The second Martial Arts guy gets up, goes over to the little guy and delivers a crushing kick-punch to him, knocks him off the stool onto the ground, then stands over him and shouts: “Savate from France!”
The little guy gets up, shakes it off and leaves the bar.
“A few minutes later” (in my best French accent) while the two guys are laughing about what just happened, there is a loud, ringing WHANG! – WHANG! and they both wind up on on the floor seeing stars with the little guy standing over them screaming: “Tire Iron from Sears!”
I’m feeling much better since I checked into the Hokey Pokey Clinic and ‘turned myself around’!
^^^ Thats whut Huner said!
Edit: Hunter
Uncle Al, I don’t think that Slider would’ve been a name in 1960.
I dunno about that geoff – White Castle always had the little burger that people called sliders, I just don’t know if WC ever called them that.
A big moron and a little moron sat on the edge of a building..
Why did the big moron fall off and the little one didn’t??
Because the little moron was a little more on.
A muslime, a communist and a homosexual walk into a bar.
The bar tender asks, “What’ll ya have President Obama?”.
A priest, a rabbit, and a minister walk in to donate blood. The rabbit says I’m a type-O.
Guess What?
Biden Sqwhat!..?
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
ATF.
ATF who?
ATFU!
(Maybe instead of “knock knock” that should be “bang bang”)
Why are the fish called smelt called smelt?
It’s the only fish species that does not use underfin deodorant.
True story: On the Groucho Marx TV program in the 1950s, he had on a newlywed couple. Groucho asked the new wife: What did you say to your husband on your wedding night.
She thought for a while, and then replied: Gee, that’s a hard one.
Prison Guard and Inmate Conversation over a 30 year period.
Inmate: Let me talk the Warden…he’ll realize I’m innocent.
Prison Guard: Sure, you can talk to the Warden, I’ll schedule a meeting.
This went on every day for 30 years. After saying the same thing over and over again, the conversation went like this, in order for both sides to save time and energy:
Inmate: lemtakwrden – hewrelnnocnt
Prison Guard: surtokwrdenIscedmeet
^^by then they both musta been 81 years old democRATz…
Joe Biden got 81 million votes!
“And the Lord said unto John,” “Come forth and receive eternal life,” but John came fifth and received a toaster.
Trolls are bad jokes that just need to go away permanently.
Have you heard that the CEO of Ikea is the new president of Sweden?
He’s currently assembling his cabinet.