One of his later relatives felt the top of his head itching badly. After a couple of weeks, he went to the dermatologist to have his scalp examined.
The Doctor told him that many times such itching is caused by head lice and proceeded to examine Lautrec’s head.
Doctor: Well, it’s not too bad. I found only two louses. We’ll put some lice killer and ointment on your head and you shouldn’t experience any more itching.
The doctor’s staff and his friends started calling him “Twolouse”-Lautrec.
3
Around 1900, Englishman Sir John Bates used to take strolls around London with his 16 year-old son.
Which prompted onlookers to say: There goes Sir John Bates and his son Master Bates.
1
Department of the Navy is now assigning females to quarters in a separate private “OFF LIMITS” area on all aircraft carriers. Addressing all boat personnel at Pearl, CINCPAC advised:
“female sleeping quarters will be “out-of-bounds” for all males.
Anyone caught breaking this rule will be fined $50 the first time.”
He continued, “Anyone caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $150.
Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $500. Are there any questions?”
At this point, a Marine Gunnery Sergeant from the security detail assigned to the ship stood up in the crowd and inquired…
“Sir, How much for a season pass?”
12
What is the quickest way to determine the sex of a chromosome?
Pull down its genes.
7
13. How can you know a tree is a dogwood tree?
By its bark!
This and the above are from Science Jokes
5
Don’t ever stand behind an elephant with diarrhea.
1
Whats green and SINGS?
Elvis Parsley!
Whats green and DANCES?
Fred Asparagus!
4
I was gonna tell a Jim Jones joke, but the punch line is too long.
8
Everybody knows that 40 is the new 30. But the police officer giving me a speeding ticket couldn’t be convinced!
3
What’s brown and sounds like a bell? Dung.
1
Not a joke, but…
I’m convinced that the ancient Hebrews came from another planet, a planet such as Krypton.
Think of the ancient Hebrew names: Da-vid, Eth-el, No-Ah, Ben-jamin, E-zek-ial, etc. Sound alien, right?
Proof they came from a different planet. Maybe by the same way Superman got here.
1
When did Pinocchio realize he was made of wood?
When his right hand caught fire.
4
I would’ve thought that Pinocchio was left-handed.
Joey Biden got 81 million votes!
4
How many RINO’S does it take to change a diaper?
One. But the RINO has to WANT to change.
Chinese man goes to Optometrist for a checkup.
Optometrist tells him he has a cataract.
Chinese man replies, no, it’s a Rincoln. Just bought it yesterday
at the Dealership.
Re: Toulouse-Lautrec
One of his later relatives felt the top of his head itching badly. After a couple of weeks, he went to the dermatologist to have his scalp examined.
The Doctor told him that many times such itching is caused by head lice and proceeded to examine Lautrec’s head.
Doctor: Well, it’s not too bad. I found only two louses. We’ll put some lice killer and ointment on your head and you shouldn’t experience any more itching.
The doctor’s staff and his friends started calling him “Twolouse”-Lautrec.
Around 1900, Englishman Sir John Bates used to take strolls around London with his 16 year-old son.
Which prompted onlookers to say: There goes Sir John Bates and his son Master Bates.
Department of the Navy is now assigning females to quarters in a separate private “OFF LIMITS” area on all aircraft carriers. Addressing all boat personnel at Pearl, CINCPAC advised:
“female sleeping quarters will be “out-of-bounds” for all males.
Anyone caught breaking this rule will be fined $50 the first time.”
He continued, “Anyone caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $150.
Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $500. Are there any questions?”
At this point, a Marine Gunnery Sergeant from the security detail assigned to the ship stood up in the crowd and inquired…
“Sir, How much for a season pass?”
What is the quickest way to determine the sex of a chromosome?
Pull down its genes.
13. How can you know a tree is a dogwood tree?
By its bark!
This and the above are from Science Jokes
Don’t ever stand behind an elephant with diarrhea.
Whats green and SINGS?
Elvis Parsley!
Whats green and DANCES?
Fred Asparagus!
I was gonna tell a Jim Jones joke, but the punch line is too long.
Everybody knows that 40 is the new 30. But the police officer giving me a speeding ticket couldn’t be convinced!
What’s brown and sounds like a bell? Dung.
Not a joke, but…
I’m convinced that the ancient Hebrews came from another planet, a planet such as Krypton.
Think of the ancient Hebrew names: Da-vid, Eth-el, No-Ah, Ben-jamin, E-zek-ial, etc. Sound alien, right?
Proof they came from a different planet. Maybe by the same way Superman got here.
When did Pinocchio realize he was made of wood?
When his right hand caught fire.
I would’ve thought that Pinocchio was left-handed.
Joey Biden got 81 million votes!
How many RINO’S does it take to change a diaper?
One. But the RINO has to WANT to change.
Chinese man goes to Optometrist for a checkup.
Optometrist tells him he has a cataract.
Chinese man replies, no, it’s a Rincoln. Just bought it yesterday
at the Dealership.
https://media1.tenor.com/m/BZltpmcSDu8AAAAC/gorilla-picks-nose.gif
That snot funny….
What’s Brown and smells really bad?
Joe Biden’s lost diaper. Don’t go near it.