Bad Joke Friday! – IOTW Report

Bad Joke Friday!

Click —> Here!

39 Comments on Bad Joke Friday!

  1. Doc, I can’t stop singing the ‘Green Green Grass of Home’. He said: “That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.” “Is it common?” I asked. “It’s not unusual” he replied.

    5
  2. A teacher asks her class, “If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left? She calls on little Johnny. He replies, ” None, they will all fly away with the first gun shot.
    “The teacher replies, ” The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.” Then little Johnny says “I have a question for you.
    There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.Which one is married?”
    The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, “Well, I suppose the one that’s gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.”
    To which Little Johnny replied, “The correct answer is ‘the one with the wedding ring on’, but I like your thinking.”

    15
  3. New law started in Hawaii on January first. You can be fined for laughing too loudly or for more than a minute while in public.
    .
    Stating January 1st if laugh in Hawaii it has to be a low HA!

    5
  4. guy goes to a job interview.

    Employer “What kind of experience do you have?”

    Man “Well at my last job I wrote advertising jingles for a sewing machine company.”

    Employer “so you were a singer song writer?’
    .
    Man, “Yes it would seem sew”
    .

    5
  5. A priest, a minister and a rabbi play golf – but their tee time is delayed because there is a group of blind players ahead of them.
    “God Bless them” said the priest.
    “They’re an inspiration” said the minister.
    “So why can’t they play at night?” said the rabbi.

    5
  6. Can’t go without a Little Johnny joke… even tho itz Saturday.

    Little Johnny comes downstairs for breakfast.
    Since they live on a farm, his mother asks
    if he had done his chores yet.

    ” Not yet, ” said Little Johnny.

    His mother tells him no breakfast until he
    does his chores.

    Well, he’s a little teed off, so he goes
    to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes
    to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the
    pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and
    his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.

    “How come I don’t get any eggs and
    bacon ? Why don’t I have any milk in my cereal ?” he asks.

    “Well, ” his mother says, ” I saw you kick a chicken, so you don’t get any eggs
    for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don’t get any
    bacon for a week either. I also watched you kick the cow, so for a week
    you aren’t getting any milk.”

    Just then, his father comes down for breakfast. The cat gets in his way
    and he kicks it halfway across the kitchen.

    Little Johnny looks up at his mother with a sly little smile, and
    says, “You gonna tell him or should I ?”

    3
  7. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannd one more… an oldie, but a goodie:

    Little Johnny was acting up, driving his Mom crazy. Exasperated, his Mom tells Johnny, “Johnny, why don’t you go down the road and watch the builders where they’re building a house? Maybe you’ll learn something.”
    Mom then enjoyed a couple hoursof peace until Johnny returned, upon which Mom asked, “Well Johnny, did you learn anything today?”

    Johnny replied, “Sure did! I learned how to hang a door!”

    Mom said, “Oh really? Well why don’t you tell me all about it”

    Johnny says, “Well, first you slap that fucker up. Then the cocksucker don’t fit. Then you pull the sonofabitch down, shave a cunthair off this side, a cunthair off the other side, and slap it up again and Goddamn if that Motherfucker don’t fit just perfect!”

    Appalled, his Mother says, “Johnny! Go to you room and wait until your father gets home!”

    When Dad gets home, Mom says, “Johnny’s up in his room. You better go talk to your son about what he told me today.”

    Dad goes upstairs and asks Johnny, “What did you tell your mother today?”

    Johnny replies, “I told her I learned how to hang a door.”
    Dad says, “Yeah, well, tell me about it”
    Johnny: “Sure Pop! First you slap that fucker up. Then the cocksucker don’t fit. Then you pull the sonofabitch down, shave a cunthair off this side, a cunthair off the other side, and slap it up again and Goddamn if that Motherfucker don’t fit just perfect!”

    Outraged, Dad says “Alright Johnny, that’s it! Go out back and get me a switch!”

    To which Little Johnny sez, “Fuck you! That’s the electrician’s job!”

    3

Comments are closed.