What has four legs and an arm?
A pit bull in a playground
8
You’re all playing for second place. Nobody has a chance of beating Steponallofus and Brandon tonight.
4
Here’s the worst joke of all: Marine Le Pen did not get a majority in France. Macron is still in power.
4
Joey Biden got 81 million votes!
4
ClipClop…..BANG
ClipClop…..BANG
(Amish drive by)
3
The Swartzentrubers went to the mall.
The elder Amos and his 10-year-old son watched as an elderly lady limped up to a wall where a door almost magically opened.
An arrow above the door began to progress through the numbers one through four and stopped, then immediately began to count down to one at which time a beautiful buxom blond twenty something emerged. The elder said to his son “Menno. Run. Go get your mother”.
4
Two old men, Ralph and Larry, sitting on a park bench feeding the pigeons and talking about baseball.
Ralph turns to Larry and asks, “Do you think there’s baseball in Heaven?”
Larry thinks about it for a minute and then replies, “I dunno, but how ’bout we make a deal on it. If I die first, I’ll come back and tell you if there’s baseball in Heaven. If you die first, you do the same.”
They shake on it and then, a few months later, old Ralph passes on.
Afterwards, Larry is sitting in the park feeding the pigeons by himself and hears a voice from out of nowhere whisper, “Larry… Laaaaarry….”
Larry: “Ralph! Is that you?”
“Yes it is, Larry,” whispers the ghost of Ralph.
Larry, amazed, asks, “So, is there baseball in Heaven?”
Ralph’s ghost: “Well, I got some good news and some bad news.”
Larry: “Gimme the good news first,”
Ralph’s ghost: “Well, there IS baseball in Heaven!”
Larry: “Boy! That’s swell! What’s the bad news then?”
Ralph’s ghost sighs and whispers, “You’re pitching on Friday.”
8
The last 2 jokes were good fashioned clean bad jokes.
2
I re-named my phones to “Titanic”.
It’s now syncing with my other devices.
Follow Harry for more tech tips!
3
Just don’t take your phone near an iceberg or accidentally dropping it into the urinal while taking a pee and answering a phone call from work. And always check your pants pockets before using the washing machine so you don’t end up with a dead phone. I’ve done both. And for courtesy’s sake don’t talk on your phone while taking a dump.
1
What’s the difference between SCOTUS and the jab?
SCOTUS can give you immunity.
4
A bunch of dykes have split off from the Presbyterian Church.
Their new church is called the Lesbyterian Church. They worship the Devil riding a Harley-Davidson.
In a new, heartbreaking development today, it was leaked by a White House staffer that last night about midnight, Joe Biden went bellowing around the WH dressed in his pajamas, yelling incoherently something about his stolen gallon of strawberries and demanding its return. The thieves he claimed was not the kitchen boys, but an untrustworthy and cowardly group of men, some from his cabinet, led by Merrick Garland. President Biden began slamming locked doors with his walking stick and yelling for the thieves to come out. At the same time he was doing that, he extracted three big ball bearings from his pajama pocket and began rolling them in his left hand. His tirade continued till 3 am when he finally went to his own room.
2
Joe Biden told George Shutupolis that he saw the ghost of Abraham Lincoln in the WH last night.
Shutopolis: Did President Lincoln say anything to you?
Biden: Yes, he did. He said “join us”. I can’t make out what he meant by that. Join what? What do you think he meant George? Man, I don’t get it.
Shutopolis: (clears his throught)….uh….it was just a ghost…forget it…let’s talk about the next debate Mr. President…
1
A travelling salesman’s gets lost and a farmer agrees to let him spend the night in his barn.
The next morning the salesman tells the farmer he had a relaxing night and spoke to all the animals.
The farmer was very surprised.
The salesman said that Bessie the cow told him that farmer Brown milks her every morning at 6:37 AM.
The farmer, somewhat shocked said “yes, that is when I milk her.”
The salesman said that the chickens said you feed them at 7:10 every morning.
The farmer said, well, that is so true as well.
The salesman then said he talked to the sheep, farmer Brown interrupted him and said “those damn sheep are a bunch of liars!”
What’s black and doesn’t work?
Decaff Coffee.
What has four legs and an arm?
A pit bull in a playground
You’re all playing for second place. Nobody has a chance of beating Steponallofus and Brandon tonight.
Here’s the worst joke of all: Marine Le Pen did not get a majority in France. Macron is still in power.
Joey Biden got 81 million votes!
ClipClop…..BANG
ClipClop…..BANG
(Amish drive by)
The Swartzentrubers went to the mall.
The elder Amos and his 10-year-old son watched as an elderly lady limped up to a wall where a door almost magically opened.
An arrow above the door began to progress through the numbers one through four and stopped, then immediately began to count down to one at which time a beautiful buxom blond twenty something emerged. The elder said to his son “Menno. Run. Go get your mother”.
Two old men, Ralph and Larry, sitting on a park bench feeding the pigeons and talking about baseball.
Ralph turns to Larry and asks, “Do you think there’s baseball in Heaven?”
Larry thinks about it for a minute and then replies, “I dunno, but how ’bout we make a deal on it. If I die first, I’ll come back and tell you if there’s baseball in Heaven. If you die first, you do the same.”
They shake on it and then, a few months later, old Ralph passes on.
Afterwards, Larry is sitting in the park feeding the pigeons by himself and hears a voice from out of nowhere whisper, “Larry… Laaaaarry….”
Larry: “Ralph! Is that you?”
“Yes it is, Larry,” whispers the ghost of Ralph.
Larry, amazed, asks, “So, is there baseball in Heaven?”
Ralph’s ghost: “Well, I got some good news and some bad news.”
Larry: “Gimme the good news first,”
Ralph’s ghost: “Well, there IS baseball in Heaven!”
Larry: “Boy! That’s swell! What’s the bad news then?”
Ralph’s ghost sighs and whispers, “You’re pitching on Friday.”
The last 2 jokes were good fashioned clean bad jokes.
I re-named my phones to “Titanic”.
It’s now syncing with my other devices.
Follow Harry for more tech tips!
Just don’t take your phone near an iceberg or accidentally dropping it into the urinal while taking a pee and answering a phone call from work. And always check your pants pockets before using the washing machine so you don’t end up with a dead phone. I’ve done both. And for courtesy’s sake don’t talk on your phone while taking a dump.
What’s the difference between SCOTUS and the jab?
SCOTUS can give you immunity.
A bunch of dykes have split off from the Presbyterian Church.
Their new church is called the Lesbyterian Church. They worship the Devil riding a Harley-Davidson.
In a new, heartbreaking development today, it was leaked by a White House staffer that last night about midnight, Joe Biden went bellowing around the WH dressed in his pajamas, yelling incoherently something about his stolen gallon of strawberries and demanding its return. The thieves he claimed was not the kitchen boys, but an untrustworthy and cowardly group of men, some from his cabinet, led by Merrick Garland. President Biden began slamming locked doors with his walking stick and yelling for the thieves to come out. At the same time he was doing that, he extracted three big ball bearings from his pajama pocket and began rolling them in his left hand. His tirade continued till 3 am when he finally went to his own room.
Joe Biden told George Shutupolis that he saw the ghost of Abraham Lincoln in the WH last night.
Shutopolis: Did President Lincoln say anything to you?
Biden: Yes, he did. He said “join us”. I can’t make out what he meant by that. Join what? What do you think he meant George? Man, I don’t get it.
Shutopolis: (clears his throught)….uh….it was just a ghost…forget it…let’s talk about the next debate Mr. President…
A travelling salesman’s gets lost and a farmer agrees to let him spend the night in his barn.
The next morning the salesman tells the farmer he had a relaxing night and spoke to all the animals.
The farmer was very surprised.
The salesman said that Bessie the cow told him that farmer Brown milks her every morning at 6:37 AM.
The farmer, somewhat shocked said “yes, that is when I milk her.”
The salesman said that the chickens said you feed them at 7:10 every morning.
The farmer said, well, that is so true as well.
The salesman then said he talked to the sheep, farmer Brown interrupted him and said “those damn sheep are a bunch of liars!”