some criminals stole all the wheels of the towns police cars. police are working tirelessly to find them.
4
Two little boys (4 & 6) walk into the pharmacy and ask for the Pharmacist…
Pharmacist: “How can I help you two boys?”
The older one asks “Can we buy some tampons?”
Pharmacist: “Now what would you need those for?”
Older boy: “Well, actually they’re for my little brother here”
Pharmacist: Well then what does he need them for?”
Older boy: “Oh… well they say on TV that you can run, bike and swim with them and my little brother here can’t do any of those things yet.”
3
Joey Biden got 81 million votes!
2
Dad would say I was his favorite son, I do not have a brother.
2
A man was a practicing OBGYN for many years, but he finally tired of having to get up in the middle of the night and leave his wife to go and deliver a baby. Plus, the malpractice insurance was getting too expensive.
So, he decided to put his skillful hands to work in another field, leave the field of medicine and become an auto mechanic.
He took the necessary class at a trade school. The final exam required
him to completely dismantle and reassemble a car engine, and demonstrate that the car would start and run.
When the grades were posted, he got not only a 100, but also 50 points
extra credit. He asked the instructor what produced the extra credit.
The instructor replied “Not only did you dismantle and reassemble
the engine, and start the car. But, you did it all while reaching
through the muffler, and I have never seen that done before in my entire career.”
4
A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the waitress, Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce the name of the place where we are very slowly?
She leaned over the counter and said,
Burrr,
Grrrr,
King
5
An older farmer got pulled over by a brand new state trooper for impeding traffic, (moving slower than the normal flow) and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his driving, and it was this particular officers nature, to try to make the alleged offender feel inferior.
Finally, when he didn’t get a rise out of the respectful older man, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.
The farmer said, “Having some problems with them circle flies?”
“Well, yeah if that’s what they are, I’ve never heard of circle flies”.
So the farmer says, “Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they’re called circle flies because they’re almost always found circling around the back end of a horse.”
The trooper says, “Oh,” and goes back to writing the ticket. Then he stops and says, “So, are you trying to call me a horses ass?”
The farmer says, “Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horses back end.”
The trooper says, “Well, you need to watch what you’re insinuating,” and goes back to writing the ticket.
After a long pause, the farmer says, “It’s damn near impossible to fool them flies though.”
1
A fertilizer salesman was traveling around the northern stretches of Maine collecting money for last spring’s sales. Driving up a long driveway he noticed a pig in the pasture with a wooden leg. Upon settling up with the Acadian French farmer, he asked what the deal was with the pig with a wooden leg. Ho ho dat verry important pig. Last summer I was out in the back tirty an my tractor shes come right up over and pin me to da ground. I holler n holler and nobody hears me. Pretty quick the pig he come and I says quick quick go get help and the pig took off running and he come back with my son Camileo. Dat pig he saves my life.
The salesman said that’s quite a story, but that still doesn’t explain why the pig has a wooden leg.
Haha, the farmer said, Important pig like dat……you don eat him all at once.
2
@Harry
I have a friend who made a fortune in the tampon business with a very direct, in your face slogan
Our tampons don’t mess around. They stop your flow .. Period!
some criminals stole all the wheels of the towns police cars. police are working tirelessly to find them.
Two little boys (4 & 6) walk into the pharmacy and ask for the Pharmacist…
Pharmacist: “How can I help you two boys?”
The older one asks “Can we buy some tampons?”
Pharmacist: “Now what would you need those for?”
Older boy: “Well, actually they’re for my little brother here”
Pharmacist: Well then what does he need them for?”
Older boy: “Oh… well they say on TV that you can run, bike and swim with them and my little brother here can’t do any of those things yet.”
Joey Biden got 81 million votes!
Dad would say I was his favorite son, I do not have a brother.
A man was a practicing OBGYN for many years, but he finally tired of having to get up in the middle of the night and leave his wife to go and deliver a baby. Plus, the malpractice insurance was getting too expensive.
So, he decided to put his skillful hands to work in another field, leave the field of medicine and become an auto mechanic.
He took the necessary class at a trade school. The final exam required
him to completely dismantle and reassemble a car engine, and demonstrate that the car would start and run.
When the grades were posted, he got not only a 100, but also 50 points
extra credit. He asked the instructor what produced the extra credit.
The instructor replied “Not only did you dismantle and reassemble
the engine, and start the car. But, you did it all while reaching
through the muffler, and I have never seen that done before in my entire career.”
A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the waitress, Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce the name of the place where we are very slowly?
She leaned over the counter and said,
Burrr,
Grrrr,
King
An older farmer got pulled over by a brand new state trooper for impeding traffic, (moving slower than the normal flow) and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his driving, and it was this particular officers nature, to try to make the alleged offender feel inferior.
Finally, when he didn’t get a rise out of the respectful older man, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.
The farmer said, “Having some problems with them circle flies?”
“Well, yeah if that’s what they are, I’ve never heard of circle flies”.
So the farmer says, “Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they’re called circle flies because they’re almost always found circling around the back end of a horse.”
The trooper says, “Oh,” and goes back to writing the ticket. Then he stops and says, “So, are you trying to call me a horses ass?”
The farmer says, “Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horses back end.”
The trooper says, “Well, you need to watch what you’re insinuating,” and goes back to writing the ticket.
After a long pause, the farmer says, “It’s damn near impossible to fool them flies though.”
A fertilizer salesman was traveling around the northern stretches of Maine collecting money for last spring’s sales. Driving up a long driveway he noticed a pig in the pasture with a wooden leg. Upon settling up with the Acadian French farmer, he asked what the deal was with the pig with a wooden leg. Ho ho dat verry important pig. Last summer I was out in the back tirty an my tractor shes come right up over and pin me to da ground. I holler n holler and nobody hears me. Pretty quick the pig he come and I says quick quick go get help and the pig took off running and he come back with my son Camileo. Dat pig he saves my life.
The salesman said that’s quite a story, but that still doesn’t explain why the pig has a wooden leg.
Haha, the farmer said, Important pig like dat……you don eat him all at once.
@Harry
I have a friend who made a fortune in the tampon business with a very direct, in your face slogan
Our tampons don’t mess around. They stop your flow .. Period!