What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
a stick
12
A priest a rabbi and a minister go to play a round of golf.
They are told a blind group is ahead so tee time will be delayed.
The priest says “Bless them”
The minister says “What an inspiration”
The rabbi says “So, why can’t they play at night?”
23
Babylon Bee:
Ted Cruz grows mutton chops in preparation for civil war
11
What do tornados and girls from Alabama have in common? They both eventually end up in trailer parks.
14
Joe Biden……
29
An English Edumacation Update for today:
No dictionary has ever been able to satisfactorily define the
difference between “complete” and “finished.”
However, during a recent linguistic conference, held in
London, and attended by some of the best
linguists in the world, Samsundar Balgobin,
a Guyanese linguist, was the
presenter when he was asked to make that very distinction.
The question put to him by a colleague in the audience was
this: Some say there is no difference between
complete and finished.
Please explain the difference in a way that is easy to understand.
Mr. Balgobins response: When you marry the right woman,
you are complete. If you marry the wrong woman, you are finished.
And, if the right one catches you with the wrong one,
you are “Completely finished”.
His answer received a five minute standing ovation
17
What’s the difference between meat & fish? …..You’re not suppose to beat your fish.
7
There once was a guy named, Bean
Who invented the beat-off machine
At the thirty-ninth stroke
The damned thing broke
And beat his balls to a cream.
4
I saw one the other day on a reader board outside of an auto repair shop, Where do pickles go to repair their cars? The dillership.
6
geoff – Thatz whut they really call ’em in Trailerparkinsas…
6
Why can’t Chinese people have white babies?
Because two Wongs don’t make a white!
10
And two Wangs doesn’t make either.
6
The first time I bought a Universal Remote Control, I started thinking to myself with great amazement, “MAN!!….THIS changes EVERYTHJING!”
9
I got thrown out of a bar…
What city am I in?
3
I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner, ’cause all it was ever doing was sittin’ around gathering dust!
5
a pedocrat voter named alice…used a dynamite-stick for a phallus…u supply the rest
1
And poor Alice ended up like the whale in Oregon blown to smithreens in a great big mess all over the West. From the fairytale the fishermen and his wife, “Oh Alice my wife, the plague of my life.” KABLOOIE!
2
I sent ten puns to my friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh….
No pun in ten did.
15
@ 10:30 – ur a deadly mofo
1
That’s still one of the corniest dad puns ever.
2
Still no as bad as:
Velcro – what a rip off!
5
Hand lettered sign at a Ma & Pa cafe and gas station:
Eat Here and Get Gas.
6
Indonesian town where Obama grew up: Suk Mi Dik.
4
Texas oil wildcatter dies, finds himself at the end of a mile long line seeking entrance to the pearly gates..line barely moves after an hour so he walks ahead to St. Peter who is vetting the supplicants and asks him if all of the people in line decide to seek entrance into hell, would he be able to get into heaven..St. Peter laughs, says yes to the oilman but points out that this would never happen. An hour later everyone except the Wildcatter leaves the line..St. Peter is aghast and asks the Wildcatter how was this accomplished. The Wildcatter tells him that he started a rumor that there was a major oil discovery in Hell and that leases were cheap for now until word gets out. St. Peter , looking sad at this tells the Wildcatter that the gates are open for him, but the Wildcatter just stares at the heaven beyond…Go on in friend says St. Peter but the Wildcatter turns to him and says, you know, that rumor just might be true and walks away.
5
hand-lettered sign on w****-house: out to lunch, beat it
2
The NFL is planning to have another Bowl game for the two crappiest teams in the league.
It’s called The Toilet Bowl.
(I first heard this joke in late 1966, just before SBI)
3
10:50: is-lam-suks
2
Here’s the biggest joke of all: American women.
Biden got 81 million votes!
4
Tim Buktu, it would be sponsored by Tid-d-bowl and called the Tid-d-bowl Toilet Bowl. And with the 2 shittiest teams it would be a real stinker. With Preparation H and Ben Gay as co-sponsors.
3
@Geoff
Vaseline too! Let’s not forget their sponsorship.
2
What do you call a fake Dad? A faux pas.
I’m here all week. Don’t forget to tip the waitstaff.
3
Stolen and reworded from the movie, The Boondock Saints:
A black American, an illegal alien, and a white American are walking down a beach and see a lamp in the sand. One of them picks up the lamp and a genie pops out. The genie offers each a single wish.
The black guy asks if he and all his fellow blacks could move back to Africa and live happy lives without whitey around to screw things up. Poof, the black guy disappears along with all other black Americans.
The illegal alien asks, “I wish all of our homelands were as nice as America and we could all go back home.” Poof, the illegal alien and all other illegal aliens are gone.
The genie asks the white guy what he wants. The white guy asks, “Are you telling me that all the blacks and illegal aliens are now gone from America?”. “Yes”, the genie replies. The white guy makes his request, “Okay, then I’ll have nice cold beer.”
4
Why are cemeteries surrounded by a fence?
Because people are dying to get in.
3
Whenever I pass by a cemetery, I look at it and think: It looks dead in there.
Like a nightclub nobody goes to.
2
I’ve been known to tell my kids whenever we passed a cemetery that it was called a bury patch.
2
Who is a pervert’s favorite Nazi?
Joseph Gerbils
2
A flatulent actor named Barton
Led a life exceedingly spartan
Till a playwright one day
Wrote a well received play
With a part in which Barton could fart in
3
^^^^^ George Carlin classic ^^^^^^
1
Old joke about an Australian man about to have sex with his lady:
“Braice y’self, Sheila”.
There was a young girl from the Azores
Whose ass was covered in sores
All the dogs in the street
Would lick the foul meat
That hung, infested, from her drawers
Bis dat qui cito dat
Tim Buktu SATURDAY, 27 JANUARY 2024, 20:41 AT 8:41 PM
II heard it as “Irish foreplay.” (Bridget)
Jewish foreplay three hours of begging and pleading.
How can you tell when a Jewish woman has an orgasm?
She drops her nail file.
1
What do WASP people do when discover they have to pee while taking a shower?
They get out of the shower, dry themselves off, go over to the toilet, empty their bladder, then get back in the shower.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
a stick
A priest a rabbi and a minister go to play a round of golf.
They are told a blind group is ahead so tee time will be delayed.
The priest says “Bless them”
The minister says “What an inspiration”
The rabbi says “So, why can’t they play at night?”
Babylon Bee:
Ted Cruz grows mutton chops in preparation for civil war
What do tornados and girls from Alabama have in common? They both eventually end up in trailer parks.
Joe Biden……
An English Edumacation Update for today:
No dictionary has ever been able to satisfactorily define the
difference between “complete” and “finished.”
However, during a recent linguistic conference, held in
London, and attended by some of the best
linguists in the world, Samsundar Balgobin,
a Guyanese linguist, was the
presenter when he was asked to make that very distinction.
The question put to him by a colleague in the audience was
this: Some say there is no difference between
complete and finished.
Please explain the difference in a way that is easy to understand.
Mr. Balgobins response: When you marry the right woman,
you are complete. If you marry the wrong woman, you are finished.
And, if the right one catches you with the wrong one,
you are “Completely finished”.
His answer received a five minute standing ovation
What’s the difference between meat & fish? …..You’re not suppose to beat your fish.
There once was a guy named, Bean
Who invented the beat-off machine
At the thirty-ninth stroke
The damned thing broke
And beat his balls to a cream.
I saw one the other day on a reader board outside of an auto repair shop, Where do pickles go to repair their cars? The dillership.
geoff – Thatz whut they really call ’em in Trailerparkinsas…
Why can’t Chinese people have white babies?
Because two Wongs don’t make a white!
And two Wangs doesn’t make either.
The first time I bought a Universal Remote Control, I started thinking to myself with great amazement, “MAN!!….THIS changes EVERYTHJING!”
I got thrown out of a bar…
What city am I in?
I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner, ’cause all it was ever doing was sittin’ around gathering dust!
a pedocrat voter named alice…used a dynamite-stick for a phallus…u supply the rest
And poor Alice ended up like the whale in Oregon blown to smithreens in a great big mess all over the West. From the fairytale the fishermen and his wife, “Oh Alice my wife, the plague of my life.” KABLOOIE!
I sent ten puns to my friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh….
No pun in ten did.
@ 10:30 – ur a deadly mofo
That’s still one of the corniest dad puns ever.
Still no as bad as:
Velcro – what a rip off!
Hand lettered sign at a Ma & Pa cafe and gas station:
Eat Here and Get Gas.
Indonesian town where Obama grew up: Suk Mi Dik.
Texas oil wildcatter dies, finds himself at the end of a mile long line seeking entrance to the pearly gates..line barely moves after an hour so he walks ahead to St. Peter who is vetting the supplicants and asks him if all of the people in line decide to seek entrance into hell, would he be able to get into heaven..St. Peter laughs, says yes to the oilman but points out that this would never happen. An hour later everyone except the Wildcatter leaves the line..St. Peter is aghast and asks the Wildcatter how was this accomplished. The Wildcatter tells him that he started a rumor that there was a major oil discovery in Hell and that leases were cheap for now until word gets out. St. Peter , looking sad at this tells the Wildcatter that the gates are open for him, but the Wildcatter just stares at the heaven beyond…Go on in friend says St. Peter but the Wildcatter turns to him and says, you know, that rumor just might be true and walks away.
hand-lettered sign on w****-house: out to lunch, beat it
The NFL is planning to have another Bowl game for the two crappiest teams in the league.
It’s called The Toilet Bowl.
(I first heard this joke in late 1966, just before SBI)
10:50: is-lam-suks
Here’s the biggest joke of all: American women.
Biden got 81 million votes!
Tim Buktu, it would be sponsored by Tid-d-bowl and called the Tid-d-bowl Toilet Bowl. And with the 2 shittiest teams it would be a real stinker. With Preparation H and Ben Gay as co-sponsors.
@Geoff
Vaseline too! Let’s not forget their sponsorship.
What do you call a fake Dad? A faux pas.
I’m here all week. Don’t forget to tip the waitstaff.
Stolen and reworded from the movie, The Boondock Saints:
A black American, an illegal alien, and a white American are walking down a beach and see a lamp in the sand. One of them picks up the lamp and a genie pops out. The genie offers each a single wish.
The black guy asks if he and all his fellow blacks could move back to Africa and live happy lives without whitey around to screw things up. Poof, the black guy disappears along with all other black Americans.
The illegal alien asks, “I wish all of our homelands were as nice as America and we could all go back home.” Poof, the illegal alien and all other illegal aliens are gone.
The genie asks the white guy what he wants. The white guy asks, “Are you telling me that all the blacks and illegal aliens are now gone from America?”. “Yes”, the genie replies. The white guy makes his request, “Okay, then I’ll have nice cold beer.”
Why are cemeteries surrounded by a fence?
Because people are dying to get in.
Whenever I pass by a cemetery, I look at it and think: It looks dead in there.
Like a nightclub nobody goes to.
I’ve been known to tell my kids whenever we passed a cemetery that it was called a bury patch.
Who is a pervert’s favorite Nazi?
Joseph Gerbils
A flatulent actor named Barton
Led a life exceedingly spartan
Till a playwright one day
Wrote a well received play
With a part in which Barton could fart in
^^^^^ George Carlin classic ^^^^^^
Old joke about an Australian man about to have sex with his lady:
“Braice y’self, Sheila”.
There was a young girl from the Azores
Whose ass was covered in sores
All the dogs in the street
Would lick the foul meat
That hung, infested, from her drawers
Bis dat qui cito dat
Tim Buktu SATURDAY, 27 JANUARY 2024, 20:41 AT 8:41 PM
II heard it as “Irish foreplay.” (Bridget)
Jewish foreplay three hours of begging and pleading.
How can you tell when a Jewish woman has an orgasm?
She drops her nail file.
What do WASP people do when discover they have to pee while taking a shower?
They get out of the shower, dry themselves off, go over to the toilet, empty their bladder, then get back in the shower.