19 Comments on Bad Joke Friday!

  4. January 1945 Dept. of War short training film made for GI’s entering German Territory for the First Time.

    Situation: Two GI’s, Bill and Joe, are sitting on a curb in a small western German village enjoying a smoke. So far the village has been spared the destruction of war. They are assigned to a quiet sector to look out for German soldiers and tanks.

    After three hours of seeing no German forces, they spot a pretty Fräulein walking down the street. She has 1940’s style bunched up blond hair, ruby red lips, swaying hips, big mammaries, long legs, and is wearing a tight skirt and high heels. Bill says to Joe: “Holy Toleda, get a load a’ that dame”. The two soldiers look at each other, smack their lips, and decide to go take a closer look at the gal. “Gutenschlag” says Joe in his flawed German. The Fräulein looks at them, smiles, and asks for a cigarette. The GI’s oblige her. They chat for awhile and exchange names. The young woman says her name is Lili Marlene and she invites the two guys up to her flat where she has a couple of bottles of cognac and some beer. As they down their drinks the two soldiers get drunker and drunker.

    Then two German Police detectives and some German soldiers rush out of a back room, subdue the two drunk GI’s, and arrange to send them both to a concentration camp that houses mostly homosexuals. They taunt the American soldiers that they’ll be very, very popular in the camp. Lili Marlene sips her cognac and looks on with an evil Nazi smile.

    In the last frame of the film is the message: GI’s – BEWARE OF PRETTY BIG CHESTED GERMAN WOMEN NAMED LILI MARLENE WHO OFFER YOU COGNAC AND BEER.

    Yep, that’ll cover 99% of situations a WW II GI might find himself in.

    2

  5. Pop songs that didn’t make it to the Billboard 100, Billboard 500, or even the Billboard 1000:

    Squeeze Out a Loaf (Meatloaf)
    Anal Love (Golden Earring)
    Lipstick On Your Shorts (Connie Francis)
    Evolution (The Beagles)
    His Latest Flamer (Elvis Presley)
    Piggy Sioux (The Crickets)
    I Can’t Get No Faction (Leon Trotsky – later reworded and recorded by the RS)
    Cleaver and Crimson (Tommy James and the Shondells)
    We’re All Homos (Velvet Underground)

  6. @Uncle Al

    PNAS – Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America (often abbreviated PNAS or PNAS USA) is a peer-reviewed multidisciplinary scientific journal. It is the official journal of the National Academy of Sciences.

    Good choice for a journal name from that organization of dick heads.

    2

  13. Recent El Stupido MSN Headlines – (MSN just sucks):

    Hitler’s Plan to Blow Up America Couldn’t Have Gone Worse
    -Hitler also had a plan to boil the oceans.

    SI Swimsuit Legend Martha Stewart Turns 83 and Still Reigns as the Ultimate Icon
    -To find out if she’s the ultimate icon, let’s see her pose in a bikini at age 83. Falling flesh, crepe skin, anyone?

    Stephanopoulos Compares Trump to Venezuela in Searing Attack
    -Steponmydickopolous opens his yap to compare a single person to an entire country. Yessir – A Searingly Brilliant Attack.

    Man who died for 6 minutes says he ‘can’t imagine anything worse’ than what he saw
    -He must have been a very bad man to have gone to Hell.

    15 Marvel Superheroes Who Could Easily Beat Superman
    -Oh Boy! Will it be on Reality TV?

    Kevin Costner’s Labrador Retriever Has the Internet Falling in Love Again
    -Falling in love with someone else’s dog is not on my to-do list.

    20 Massive Travel Infrastructure Projects Changing the World
    -MSN is always coming up with these headlines about something or other that will change the world. Jesus changed the world.

    Nicki Minaj Addresses “Explicit” Wardrobe Malfunction in Video of Her Trying Stiletto Challenge
    -So many “wardrobe malfunctions”. Bunch of BS from these attention sluts.

    This Is the Real Problem With Sydney Sweeney’s American Eagle Ad – it’s just…boring
    -This headline – written by an envious brat who is probably still in High School

    Duckie Thot’s SI Swim Shoot in Montenegro Is the “Euro Summer” Inspo You’ve Been Looking For
    -I need an Inspo real bad, especially one involving a Duckie.

    So We’re All Obsessed With Jean Smart’s Pixie Cut, Right?
    -for sure, I am really obsessed.

    Miranda Lambert’s breaking news has fans saying the same thing
    -Well, what are they saying?

    MSN’s amazingly sick stupidity keeps rolling along.

  17. New professional Sports teams are running out of animal names. Lions, Tigers, Cubs, etc. have all been taken.

    Suggested New Sports Team Names:

    Electric Eels
    Black Mambas
    Sea Snakes
    Murder Hornets
    Atomic Starfish
    Grabbin’ Crabs
    Fightin’ Sturgeons
    Red Ants
    Horseflies
    Sacred Cows (Asian Indian sports team)
    Piranhas (Brazilian Nat’l Cornhole Team)

    1

  19. China has decided to have a Disneyland after all.

    Some of the Rides & Attractions available at Disney China;

    Yellow River Gunboat Ride
    -see Communist Gunboats sink Nationalist Gunboats

    Shooting Gallery
    –shoot a real AK-47 and kill Taiwan soldiers

    The Great Famine Restaurant
    -grass and bamboo leaves are the spécialité de la maison

    Chairman Mao’s Great Leap Trampolines
    -Little kids will love it and will earn points for hitting their heads on the roof

    Invasion Ride
    -watch an AI enactment of the Great Invasion from above

    Chinese People Hold Up the Sky Demonstration
    -Only the Chinese People can do this

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