I can’t take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him.
That’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
9
More Stupid MSN Headlines
ex-Runway Model Shares Her Lash Secret After 50
-In 1990 Sarah (The Bitch) Cruelist started using a cat-o-nine-tails, which has sharp pieces of steel at the end of each tail. Sarah would use the “cat” as a lash to inflict painful and permanent injuries on the faces of her rivals, causing many of them to leave the beauty industry, which was her intention.
Opinion | Why ‘No Kings’ protests didn’t excite Black America
-because nobody wants to be around aging, smelly, white liberal hippies carrying signs with dopey slogans.
20 actors who blew their chances to be an A-list movie star
-Amy Schumer was listed as one of them. She got too big for the Big Screen.
How the Proud Boys invented antifa
-Yeah, when you see a blue-haired tatted up fatty holding an Antifa Sign, know that it’s really a Proud Boy in disguise.
Hamas’s Stunning Victory
-This headline comes with a photo of smashed buildings in Gaza. It’s no kind of victory, not even a Pyrrhic victory for Hamas.
Should We Say Goodbye to Defense in the NBA?
-There has never been defense in the NBA. No real defense, no goaltending allowed (is goaltending such a horrible concept?), no nothin’ ‘cept ball dribblin’ and ball shootin’. What a joke.
Carl Sagan reminded billions that Earth is a mere “pale blue dot” floating in space.
-More than a mere dot of blue. Earth is the only place that holds intelligent life, excluding Carl Sagan. God created Earth as a home for His children.
2
Why do elephants have trunks?
To hold their luggage when they travel by car.
2
A penny and a nickel got into an argument.
Exasperated, the penny said to the nickel: You’re useless.
Equally exasperated, the nickel replied: You’re worthless.
3
My wife bought me a piece of cake at the grocery store. It was labelled “Yellow Cake”. I refused to eat it.
She asked me why, and I told her that it was probably radioactive.
4
ABC’s The Network Stars War of the Stomachs.
Two different foods have diametrically different effects in your stomach.
Cheese is a binder. It binds up things to make it difficult for stuff to go down to your intestine. On the other hand, beans create stomach gas and allow a more free flow of stuff to go down to your intestine.
So, in the upcoming ABC’s Network Stars War of the Stomachs between cheese and beans, who wins? Eight network stars will battle it out. For six days straight, two will eat nothing but cheese, two will eat nothing but beans, two will eat both cheese and beans, and as a test control, two will eat neither beans nor cheese nor anything else.
Possible Outcomes:
1. The cheese and beans cancel out each other as far as effectiveness – no winner
2. Cheese wins – more effective
3. Beans win – more effective
Stay tuned.
2
Why are bacteria so bad at math?
Because they multiply by dividing.
3
Submarine Tour Comments
Couldn’t see anything
It sucks
Sandwiches were cold
Moldy Bread
It’s a rip-off
Four thumbs down
Reagan didn’t believe in tariffs.
1
@Bad Trip Report
I took one of those submarine tours once when I was a teenager.
There was a very pretty girl on board. My snorkel was up the whole way.
1
Some friends were talking about their pet’s bad behavior.
One fella said that he came home to find his dog chewing on his dictionary.
“Well what did you do?” asked one of his buddies.
“Why I took the words right out of his mouth!”
5
Two drunks are so far gone that on their way home they start crawling along a railroad track.
After about an hour one drunk says to the other, “Brother, these stairs are murder and they seem to go on forever.”
The other drunk says, “I don’t mind the stairs but these iron banisters are killing me.”
2
Be Aware
San Antonio fixing to get some severe weather.
High Winds.
Intense Rain bursts.
LOUD Lightning.
Potential Tornado Spinoffs.
30 Mins out approx
My friend -the blonde nurse- always takes a red crayon to work.
Just in case she needs to draw blood…
3
These are the same kind of idiots that when they come to a draw bridge take out a pencil and some paper and draw a picture of the bridge. You know that they’re idiots out there who take things too literally.
1
Oh Die-Ana. 1958 hit
I’m so warm and you’re so cold
This my darling I’ve been told
I don’t care just what they said
That I’m alive and you are dead
Saxaphone
Chills I get when you hold me close
Oh my darling you’re so gross
I love you with all my heart
Oh Diana please don’t fall apart
Only I can take your heart
Only I can tear it apart
When you hold me in your moldy arms
I can feel you giving all your charms
I’ll hold you Darlin, squeeze with all my might
Till your eyes pop out left and right
Oh Diana, can’t you see…
Oh Diana, Diana….stay by me.
I can’t take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him.
That’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
More Stupid MSN Headlines
ex-Runway Model Shares Her Lash Secret After 50
-In 1990 Sarah (The Bitch) Cruelist started using a cat-o-nine-tails, which has sharp pieces of steel at the end of each tail. Sarah would use the “cat” as a lash to inflict painful and permanent injuries on the faces of her rivals, causing many of them to leave the beauty industry, which was her intention.
Opinion | Why ‘No Kings’ protests didn’t excite Black America
-because nobody wants to be around aging, smelly, white liberal hippies carrying signs with dopey slogans.
20 actors who blew their chances to be an A-list movie star
-Amy Schumer was listed as one of them. She got too big for the Big Screen.
How the Proud Boys invented antifa
-Yeah, when you see a blue-haired tatted up fatty holding an Antifa Sign, know that it’s really a Proud Boy in disguise.
Hamas’s Stunning Victory
-This headline comes with a photo of smashed buildings in Gaza. It’s no kind of victory, not even a Pyrrhic victory for Hamas.
Should We Say Goodbye to Defense in the NBA?
-There has never been defense in the NBA. No real defense, no goaltending allowed (is goaltending such a horrible concept?), no nothin’ ‘cept ball dribblin’ and ball shootin’. What a joke.
Carl Sagan reminded billions that Earth is a mere “pale blue dot” floating in space.
-More than a mere dot of blue. Earth is the only place that holds intelligent life, excluding Carl Sagan. God created Earth as a home for His children.
Why do elephants have trunks?
To hold their luggage when they travel by car.
A penny and a nickel got into an argument.
Exasperated, the penny said to the nickel: You’re useless.
Equally exasperated, the nickel replied: You’re worthless.
My wife bought me a piece of cake at the grocery store. It was labelled “Yellow Cake”. I refused to eat it.
She asked me why, and I told her that it was probably radioactive.
ABC’s The Network Stars War of the Stomachs.
Two different foods have diametrically different effects in your stomach.
Cheese is a binder. It binds up things to make it difficult for stuff to go down to your intestine. On the other hand, beans create stomach gas and allow a more free flow of stuff to go down to your intestine.
So, in the upcoming ABC’s Network Stars War of the Stomachs between cheese and beans, who wins? Eight network stars will battle it out. For six days straight, two will eat nothing but cheese, two will eat nothing but beans, two will eat both cheese and beans, and as a test control, two will eat neither beans nor cheese nor anything else.
Possible Outcomes:
1. The cheese and beans cancel out each other as far as effectiveness – no winner
2. Cheese wins – more effective
3. Beans win – more effective
Stay tuned.
Why are bacteria so bad at math?
Because they multiply by dividing.
Submarine Tour Comments
Couldn’t see anything
It sucks
Sandwiches were cold
Moldy Bread
It’s a rip-off
Four thumbs down
Reagan didn’t believe in tariffs.
@Bad Trip Report
I took one of those submarine tours once when I was a teenager.
There was a very pretty girl on board. My snorkel was up the whole way.
Some friends were talking about their pet’s bad behavior.
One fella said that he came home to find his dog chewing on his dictionary.
“Well what did you do?” asked one of his buddies.
“Why I took the words right out of his mouth!”
Two drunks are so far gone that on their way home they start crawling along a railroad track.
After about an hour one drunk says to the other, “Brother, these stairs are murder and they seem to go on forever.”
The other drunk says, “I don’t mind the stairs but these iron banisters are killing me.”
Be Aware
San Antonio fixing to get some severe weather.
High Winds.
Intense Rain bursts.
LOUD Lightning.
Potential Tornado Spinoffs.
30 Mins out approx
My friend -the blonde nurse- always takes a red crayon to work.
Just in case she needs to draw blood…
These are the same kind of idiots that when they come to a draw bridge take out a pencil and some paper and draw a picture of the bridge. You know that they’re idiots out there who take things too literally.
Oh Die-Ana. 1958 hit
I’m so warm and you’re so cold
This my darling I’ve been told
I don’t care just what they said
That I’m alive and you are dead
Saxaphone
Chills I get when you hold me close
Oh my darling you’re so gross
I love you with all my heart
Oh Diana please don’t fall apart
Only I can take your heart
Only I can tear it apart
When you hold me in your moldy arms
I can feel you giving all your charms
I’ll hold you Darlin, squeeze with all my might
Till your eyes pop out left and right
Oh Diana, can’t you see…
Oh Diana, Diana….stay by me.