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47 Comments on Bad Joke FRidAy!
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With you know who, and you know where.
Comments are closed.
iOTWreport.com ©2024 ----- iOTWreport is not responsible for the content of comments. All opinions in comments are solely the commenter's.
judge engoron is a joke
A little poem about Campbell’s soup:
Campbell’s Soup
Makes you poop
Down your leg
And out your boot
Along the floor
And out the door
And now you’re ready
To eat some more.
If the shoe fits get another just like it!
He who laughs last, thinks slowest!
A day without sunshine is like, well, night!
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
Joe Biden got 81 million votes!
I used to be indecisive now I’m not so sure.
Why do ducks have flat feet?
To stomp out forest fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stomp out burning ducks.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug in his living room.
The bear’s not dead!
He’s just too scared to move.
Yul Bebak, I had that happen to me with Campbell’s bean and bacon soup once after I had eaten lunch at home and was on a field trip to a local museum in the afternoon and I came down with explosive diarrhea and projectile vomiting when I was in 2nd grade back in the early 60’s. It was no joke and I’ve never eaten bean and bacon since then. For an 8-year-old kid it was embarrassing as hell and a big stinky mess all the way home.
What do you call a blind Whitetail?
No Eye Deer.
@Li’l Ano
What’s the black gooey stuff between elephants’ toes?
Slow natives
Chuck Norris crashed a feminist meeting.
He left with a sandwich and his shirt was ironed.
Kamala Harris is going to be prezzy.
Did you know the people in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones?
The people in Abu Dhabi do
Why doesn’t Mexico have a Olympic team? Because everybody that can run, jump, and swim are already in the U.S
Kamala Harris and her husband fell down a well. Her husband says: “It’s sure dark down here, isn’t it?” Harris responds: “I don’t know, I can see.”
Reporter to Kamala Harris: “What does IDK stand for?”
Harris: “I honestly don’t know.”
How do you turn an iPod into an iPad? Have Fani Willis sit on it.
Fani Willis is so fat, that the selfie she took of herself last year is still printing.
Michelle Obama is so fat, that when God said “Let there be light”, he asked her to move out of the way.
Karnak – Mount Baldy
Reads letter – What did Yul Brynner’s wife do on their wedding night?
When Joe Biden was young, he bragged that an onion is the only food that can make him cry. So one of his friends threw a coconut at his head – which accounts for a lot of things.
Q: Do you know who was the first black guy to admit he is the father? A: Darth Vader.
Why did Jill Biden tiptoe past Joe’s medicine cabinet? So she wouldn’t wake up his sleeping pills.
What’s the difference between Obama’s school records and Big Foot? Big Foot has been sighted.
Why does Jill Biden like lightening? Because she thinks a magazine is taking her picture.
Jill Biden is so cheap, that when she has to use her own paper plates, she flips them over to use the other side.
Prostitutes are now finding a new trick to hook older married men
For $100 you can get into an argument with one of them … and actually win!
Jill Biden is so cheap, that after Joe dies, she plans on unknitting all his sweaters so she can have the yarn back.
Jill Biden is so cheap, that when someone kicks her ass, she clenches her buttcheeks to try and keep the shoe.
Jill Biden is so cheap, even her children are second-hand.
Jill Biden is so cheap, that when she watched the Superbowl, she thought ‘quarterback’ was a refund.
Jill Biden is so cheap, that when she had to pay her own Netflix bill, she kept the TV off and forced Joe to imagine the movie.
Hillary Clinton is so cheap, that after she moved out of the White House and had to pay for her own toilet paper, she’d fold it a third time when she wipes.
Michelle Obama is so gross, she uses her toenail clippings as toothpicks.
Michelle Obama is so cheap, she goes to KFC to lick other people’s fingers.
Jill Biden is so greedy, that every time she’s asked to pay attention, she wants change back.
Barry Sotero is so cheap, he changed his name after he found a carton of business cards on the street with the name “Barack Huessin Obama.”
A greedy politician walks into a bar.
Sorry. I didn’t mean to be redundant.
Kamala Harris is so cheap, she used to make the craps infesting her pay rent.
What did Willie Brown call Kamala Harris right before dinner? A whore-derve.
Why did Willie Brown call Kamala Harris by the pet name “Koolaid”? Because Harris goes down easy.
How do you know you have an affirmative action pilot flying the plane you’re on?
1: Pilot comes on the intercom and asks everybody for gas money.
2: The pilot has to check in with his parole officer before take off.
3:Your flight got canceled because the plane got repossessed.
After the events of this week, we really need these jokes. A little more levity, please.
News item: Kamala Harris is opening a seafood restaurant in Baltimore. She’s calling it Kamala’s Crab Nest.
So I was at a bar and we were telling jokes. I asked, “What do you do when an epileptic has a fit in the bathtub? Throw in your laundry.”
A guy in the back yelled out, “Hey, my brother was an epileptic and he died in the bathtub.”
“Oh Shit,” I said. “Did he drown?”
“Nah,” he said. “He choked on a sock.”
A moron went to the state fair, where he saw a man having an epileptic fit, so he jumped on top of him.
Later he explained that he thought it was a new kind of ride.
Not really a joke, but I just read this: Amy Schumer weighs in on the Barbie….
Weighs in, yeah got it.
The philosopher, René Descartes, walked into a bar.
The bartender waited a while for his order, then asked if he was ready.
Descartes said, “I don’t think … and *poof* he disappeared.
Affirmative Action Pilot Announcements:
1. Anybody here got the Operating Manual for this aircraft?
2. FA Betty, c’mon up here and tell me what all these buttons are for.
3. To co-pilot: Where are the parachutes stowed?
4. Looking at the visual interfaces: Can I get Netflix on these?
Hillary is so cheap that she told her goon squad to use knives instead of guns on their assignments.
“I’m sick and tired of buying expensive bullets all the time”, she explained.
Wasn’t Descartes the guy who said “I stink, therefore I am.”
OK, I grabbed this and modified it a bit – off the internet Philosopher jokes:
A linguist made the claim that there is no language in which a double positive implies a negative.
To which someone responded, “Yeah, yeah.”
What do philosophers suffering from dyslexia and insomnia do?
Keep up at night wondering whether dog exists
A philosopher was walking around the neighborhood late at night…..
……a police officer came up to him and said “Who are you? What are you doing here?”
The philosopher responded, “Yes! Those are the questions!” And walked away.
Two flies were hanging out on a piece of shit when one of them cuts a fart.The other fly says hey, do you mind? I’m eating over here.
@Geoff
Say, what was in that can of soup?
Hat Tim Bukto
Aye
Si
Soup?
Tomatto Today
Salatta y bread
^^^^^Pol Pot? Related?
Maybe
Insta
I have no idea what was in that soup but it sure was the shits. I’m lucky that it didn’t end up on some other kid, it was just all over the floor of the museum. Do you know why diarrhea is hereditary? It runs in your genes.
probable repeat: male fly to female fly…pardon me, is this stool taken?
That can also be a gay joke. Do you know why three gay guys can sit on an upside down 3-legged bar stool? It’s so they all can a have a stool leg to sit on.