I asked my friend when her birthday was.
She said March 1st.
So, I walked around the room and asked again.
7
My birthday is March 4th, it is the only day of the year that gives a command. Maybe March 1st does also. Why doesn’t February like March? No but April May.
3
Bob Hope’s Theme Song: Thanks For The Memories
Dolly Parton’s Theme Song: Thanks For The Mammaries
2
A kid was born nine months after a one-night stand of wild sex. The couple did not know each other before that night and had no contact afterwards.
The kid was a sperm-of-the-moment baby.
2
Police Officer to suspect: Did July Two?
Dee Cember also named his son Dee Cember. He was Dee Cember II.
3
Where has Ore gon boys where has Ore gon? Just a minute I’ll Alas ka!
2
I invented bad jokes.
4
What did Della Wear boys?
Joe Biden’s loaded underpants.
2
At Eastern Washington University many years ago one of the dorms hung a prominent sign out on the side of the dorm that said thanks for the mammaries, of course it was right next to coed dorm. In Navy boot camp I marched to the tune of a different drummer because I was always off by a half step from the rest of the company when we were out on the grinder (parade grounds) marching. I got yelled at a lot by my company commander because I couldn’t march worth a damn usually “get your shit together”. Fortunately for me all that marching caused me to get blisters on my left heel that put me into the base infirmary with cellulitis and the Navy wisely decided to put me into a graduation purposes only company where I didn’t have to march anymore but I still attended classes and did all the rest of the training with the rest of my company 367 after starting out in company 316. It also gave me special privileges to where I didn’t have to stand in the chow line and could walk up to the front of the line and show them my pass and eat during chowtime. Boy, did that ever piss off everyone else standing in the chow line hearing the constant refrain from the company commanders to keep the chow line tight by saying “nut to butt, make the guy in front of you smile”. I got a lot of snarky cat calls on that yelling at me “who the hell do you think you are, privileged”, Yep. I was also miraculously saved while I was in the base infirmary, and I still can’t explain it except that it was God’s grace helping me to get thru boot camp. And I still march to the tune Of God’s drum and not men.
3
what did one casket say to the other?
That you coffin?
4
From when I was in Basic Training –
Why can’t women march?
They have a split block.
2
An old Irishman was coming home late one night from the pub. As he passed the graveyard he thought of all his friends there, and then spotted a stone by the road. “The poor man,” he thought, buried out here by the highway. And he lived to the ripe old age of 145. Here’s to you, Miles from Dublin”
4
More of a true story than a joke:
Fascist supporter and somewhat crazy novelist Ezra Pound lived in Italy during WWII. He wrote a letter to a friend in Toronto Canada and wrote on the envelope the friend’s name and street address, followed by “Tomato, Can”. There were no postal codes in those days. But the letter made it to his friend’s house.
I don’t know if he was making a joke or if he just didn’t like the city.
2
When an Arab cusses it sounds like: Boolzhit, Boolzhit, Boolzhit.
When a Marine DI cusses it sounds like: Booool-shiet, Booool-shiet, Booool-shiet
I asked my friend when her birthday was.
She said March 1st.
So, I walked around the room and asked again.
My birthday is March 4th, it is the only day of the year that gives a command. Maybe March 1st does also. Why doesn’t February like March? No but April May.
Bob Hope’s Theme Song: Thanks For The Memories
Dolly Parton’s Theme Song: Thanks For The Mammaries
A kid was born nine months after a one-night stand of wild sex. The couple did not know each other before that night and had no contact afterwards.
The kid was a sperm-of-the-moment baby.
Police Officer to suspect: Did July Two?
Dee Cember also named his son Dee Cember. He was Dee Cember II.
Where has Ore gon boys where has Ore gon? Just a minute I’ll Alas ka!
I invented bad jokes.
What did Della Wear boys?
Joe Biden’s loaded underpants.
At Eastern Washington University many years ago one of the dorms hung a prominent sign out on the side of the dorm that said thanks for the mammaries, of course it was right next to coed dorm. In Navy boot camp I marched to the tune of a different drummer because I was always off by a half step from the rest of the company when we were out on the grinder (parade grounds) marching. I got yelled at a lot by my company commander because I couldn’t march worth a damn usually “get your shit together”. Fortunately for me all that marching caused me to get blisters on my left heel that put me into the base infirmary with cellulitis and the Navy wisely decided to put me into a graduation purposes only company where I didn’t have to march anymore but I still attended classes and did all the rest of the training with the rest of my company 367 after starting out in company 316. It also gave me special privileges to where I didn’t have to stand in the chow line and could walk up to the front of the line and show them my pass and eat during chowtime. Boy, did that ever piss off everyone else standing in the chow line hearing the constant refrain from the company commanders to keep the chow line tight by saying “nut to butt, make the guy in front of you smile”. I got a lot of snarky cat calls on that yelling at me “who the hell do you think you are, privileged”, Yep. I was also miraculously saved while I was in the base infirmary, and I still can’t explain it except that it was God’s grace helping me to get thru boot camp. And I still march to the tune Of God’s drum and not men.
what did one casket say to the other?
That you coffin?
From when I was in Basic Training –
Why can’t women march?
They have a split block.
An old Irishman was coming home late one night from the pub. As he passed the graveyard he thought of all his friends there, and then spotted a stone by the road. “The poor man,” he thought, buried out here by the highway. And he lived to the ripe old age of 145. Here’s to you, Miles from Dublin”
More of a true story than a joke:
Fascist supporter and somewhat crazy novelist Ezra Pound lived in Italy during WWII. He wrote a letter to a friend in Toronto Canada and wrote on the envelope the friend’s name and street address, followed by “Tomato, Can”. There were no postal codes in those days. But the letter made it to his friend’s house.
I don’t know if he was making a joke or if he just didn’t like the city.
When an Arab cusses it sounds like: Boolzhit, Boolzhit, Boolzhit.
When a Marine DI cusses it sounds like: Booool-shiet, Booool-shiet, Booool-shiet
Joey Biden got 81 million votes!