“Phil’s Cleaners? I was wondering if my mom jeans were ready yet? Reggie’s coming by this afternoon.”
” I can be more flexible!”
“These mom jeans make me look like the community organizer pussy that I am, don’t they Putin?
“Housekeeping? Can you bring in a pillow for my chair? Reggie was here last night.”
No, no. I said I was puttin’, I said nothing at all about Putin.
Yes Vlad, I am wearing my 501 jeans, and no you can’t have 500,000 of them for Ukraine.
Where’s my blow?
Yes, I need to make a tee time that will prevent me from attending yet another security meeting regarding the situation in Ukraine.
“Hurry! Bring me a copy of Nixon’s resignation letter!”
“Send in the clown.” The weekly luncheon with Biden.
Yes, Vladimir, I’ve drawn another opaque “red” line.
We both know they are empty words and captitulation. I’ve got your back, buddy.
“Yo Mitt. It’s Barry. You wanna play President until this Ukraine thing blows over? I…hello? Hello? Mitt?”
Yes, I know I left it there last night when Reggie came over, hold on, let me call you back.
I’m serious …I’ve rolled up my sleeves …well no Reggie did but I’m still serious.
“Tell Hillary I hope she’s feeling better. I’ll hold her place ’til 2020.”
If you want your Ukraine, you can keep your Ukraine.
That’s not funny, Franklin.
Is this a contest? Will there be prizes?
Size 14 Chucks with BFH’s artwork, awesome.
This is the president of the United States! You can’t hang up on me! Pizza Hut… Pizza Hut… Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Where the Hell is the telepromter?
This stupid speach bubble won’t fill itself you know!
Ahhh, my teleprompter is workin’, right?
“AT&T? I think there’s something wrong with my phone. It keeps ringing at 3am.”
“Okay, Okay. Phone and a pen. Phone and a pen. Phone. Pen. Phone and a pen. Okay, okay. I got this. This is the phone. This is the phone.”
Do you have any idea who my wife is? She will eat me if you don’t get that taxpayer funded truckload of Kobe Beef here PRONTO!
“Lois, you fool! I told you to never call me again on this phone! I’ve got cover for the other 57 calls, but…”
Putin on the Blitz? Oh boy, I thought you said “Putting on the Ritz”…the guests are arriving in 20 minutes.
“I don’t know what that dirty c_cksucker did here, but I ain’t cleaning it up!”
King Obama here, ahhh I mean President Obama here.
“General? Yes, hi it’s Barack. The President. Yes. I’m changing my tee time to noon. I overslept. Yeah, thanks.”
Open the door –
If you want modified Chuck’s just say the word.
“Let’s use my stunt double for public appearances for a while. I’ve got a bad feeling…”
Man, I said I’d pay you as soon as I get back from the golf course! Michelles Mama is gonna take a whole purse full of silverware to the pawn shop for me while everybody’s out for the morning. Just let me get one more 8-ball and a new stem, and I swear I’ll have yo money by 5-o’clock! Hey, what about a trade? I’ll suck yo dick man… I’ll suck yo dick AND pay you yo money by tonite!!! Please?
Hello, Can you give me Prince Albert in my can?
“What would Reagan do? Seriously, that’s your advice? What about Palin? She got the Ukraine thing right? I’m hanging up now.”
“I thought the crease of my pants was enough to impress them but I rolled up my sleeves too for extra gravitas.”
Will do Comrade.
Sorry, I was calling the LadyBoy Escort Service.
I THAID, get THREE packth of benthon and hedgeth menthol light 100th on the night-thtand in the lincoln bedroom AND get the gameth on tv BEFORE reggie getth here!
Fur:”If you want modified Chuck’s just say the word.”
A man, a man with capitalism running though his veins like ice water.
High Top Chucks with your M L artwork at the ankle, size 14 boat, sweet.
$200?
I understand Vincent paid his debts with a starry night.
“Bill? Barack here…
You know that Bunny Ranch out west?
Do they have one for…uh…women?
You know…with hot guys?”
Hey Joe….I just got it what Eastwood meant.
Make sure you have him audited.
Yes, that’s right, a video. The people were upset about a video. It was grainy black and white, and showed people lined up along ditches they dug themselves being shot
Hey Vladimir, your seat in the oval office awaits you.
dadadadada bababababa yayayayaya lalalalala…..
“A run around the west wing sounds good. Ready in a few minutes, need to put on a suit and tie. You go get the press.”
“I quit!”
(Hey, I can dream, can’t I?)
Yes, Sir! Yes, Sir!
I know that, Mr. Putin.
Please, Sir, Kerry doesn’t know shit!
I understand, Sir … my mentor had to protect the Sudetan Germans … the precedent has been set … I’ll see if Merkel will do a “Peace in Our Time” speech … yes, Sir.
You know that Hitler guy? Right, well seems he was all into that occult stuff thinking it would get him some mojo and make him king of the world.
Well, get some guys together, General, and find me that Arc of the Covenant. I hear it gives the user superpowers.
Sarah! What are they doing now?
Yeah two extra large thin crust with Italian sausage and covered with black olives and mushrooms. Oh, oh, oh and an order of those garlic butter breadsticks.
Hello, Vlad? I’ve got a phone and a pen and my Mom jeans. You should be afraid, very afraid.
Valerie, Valerie, that bully Putin called me a sissy pants.
“Would it be possible to renovate the Resolute desk to make it larger? I mean, Reggie’s a big guy, and he says it’s mighty uncomfortable down there……”
Vlad! Don’t say that. Please! I told you – you can have anything you want. What? Okay, Texas is yours. …. AND Florida!? Why do you have to be so mean? Okay, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Of course, it’s no problem.
Sears. Why?
“Hello Bibi, this is Barrack…..Barack Obama…you remember me don’t you? Well anyway, I’m the President and I need some help looking like a leader dealing with that Putin thug…what do I need to do? President of the United States….what’s so funny? (click…buzzzz) Hello Bibi…you still there? Hello……”
I’m not kidding you. The SOB Lewinsky’d right here on the corner of my desk.
“Reggie, are you up for a wild-eyed night of bung-holing ecstasy on the desk, again?”
I’m wearing Michelle’s SKINNY JEANS… Very loose and comfortable.
..I haven’t seen Joe move that fast since I switched the label from his Hershey to his Ex-Lax chocolate bar.
“That’s right, you heard me! All of it on Syracuse!”
Nah, it’s okay, I’m not busy at all
“…..I can’t believe he’s had me on hold for 90 minutes…..”
Barry talking to the dial tone after Putin hangs up on him….
“You don’t scare me! I swear I will KICK YOUR ASS all the way back to Russia!” *grins at camera*
What if I stand with my legs apart and put my hand on my hip. Will that look “presidential?” Oh, thumb to the BACK. Pick up the phone? Why? Oh, talk INTO the phone! That makes sense. Don’t look at you? Look down like I’m concentrating on working. Got it. Great idea! We can caption this “Obama being stern with Putin and defending the people of The Ukraine.” What? No, THE? It’s just Ukraine? When did that happen? They’re an independent country? When did THAT happen? Never mind. Send a hundred 8×10 glossies to the former gov’t of The Ukraine. Tell them change is good.
Yes, Master.
Val? Can you find someone to replace the kick plate on the top of my desk?
No…Because it still hasn’t healed from the last time.
Can you make an executive chair with more massage devices focused in the seat area?
@Stranded – ROFLMAO!
“Okay Barry that’s better. This time turn the phone around. Yes, that’s correct, you speak into that end. Okay, let’s try this again people…”
lol!
YOU’RE NOT MY REAL MOM AND YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!
Yes, Vlad, everything is going as planned. I told you I’d have more flexibility after the elections.
No, I can’t wear Levi’s. They don’t allow for my curves.
Why are all the numbers on my phone sixes?
No it is not doomed. Have Joe do some PSA’s for Common Core.
Hello. I’d like to add more items to my Victoria’s Secret order to get the free shipping.
Hey There György Girl!
Vladamir, you are really making me look bad. Would you please leave Ukraine? I am seriously asking you nicely.
I have no pithy quote just a comment. Notice how he is not between the flags, but over to the left of the presidential flag. If he ment business he would have the stars and stripes behind him. Also he would be looking forward not down like a submissive dog.
Does this really mean no more horseyback rides??!…sniff…sniff
Dude where’s my friggin’ bong !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hi Val tell those writing folks to change “uphold” to “holdup.”
Hold the pickles…hold the lettuce…isn’t that what you’ve told us that we can have it our way? Insurance???..oh yes you can have it your wat too!!
where is Valerie Jarrett …I don’t know what to do.
“Valerie, I have him on hold. Someone put some words on my telephone-teleprompter NOW. Remember our deal, you make the decisions, I’m just here to look good.”
“Hey, Vlad, did I ever show you where the term ‘teabagger’ came from? No … No … It’d be MY pleasure!”
¿Hablas español? En caso afirmativo, pulse uno ahora.
Do you speak English? If so press two now.
(2) Beep.
¿Es usted un residente de los Estados Unidos? Si es así pulse uno ahora.
Wha? I pressed 2 for English!
Oh snap! I’m looking SO butch. Gotta Tweet this pic to Putin.
“Hi, is this Mohammed’s Furniture Mart?, salamu alaykum. I’m going to need a less conspicuous prayer rug for the office. This one looks like a flying carpet.”
Barry hangs up phone. “That’s the last time I let Michelle go shopping for me.”
Get me on Frank Marshall Davis’s horn, and I mean his HORN. right now!!!
Jimmy John’s. I’d like a …
I’m… I’m so in love with you, Whatever you want to do, Is all right with me…, Vlad?! Are you still there? Vlad!!
Is there going to be a winner?
My ass is greased.
My zipper is down.
Already used the lip balm.
Where the Hell are you?!
Yup….desk and responsibility is too big for me!
Now he wants my lunch munnies, Val. How much should I give him?
I’d like to move T time to 9, moose wants me to walk the dog for a photo op.
I’m too sexy for this desk
Is Holder still breathing? I can hold.
What is the number for 9 1 1?
Give me Ham on one and hold the Mayo.
Look, I told you before, Bill isn’t here anymore Monica. Try again in 2 years OK.
I’d like this number added to the do not call list.
Yes Putin, the Ukraine is all yours but I have to make it look like I care.
Ah!
Aaahhhhhh!
( operator ) please make a deposit in the next minute to continue this call
Do you still have that special on Enzite?
The flies are back.
I’ll have even more flexibility after the next election.
“Look, if I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times, I WANT A MAP OF THE WORLD SO I CAN FIND UKRAINE AND SYRIA!!!”
It is alright George, your investment is safe, I’ve move it all into BitCoins, what could go wrong.
I said I want that WalMart ad off the air. I can’t have people inspired, they can’t build that without government.
looks right to me, empty. why add a caption?
“Hey Joe, is your refrigerator running?”
“Phil’s Cleaners? I was wondering if my mom jeans were ready yet? Reggie’s coming by this afternoon.”
” I can be more flexible!”
“These mom jeans make me look like the community organizer pussy that I am, don’t they Putin?
“Housekeeping? Can you bring in a pillow for my chair? Reggie was here last night.”
No, no. I said I was puttin’, I said nothing at all about Putin.
Yes Vlad, I am wearing my 501 jeans, and no you can’t have 500,000 of them for Ukraine.
Where’s my blow?
Yes, I need to make a tee time that will prevent me from attending yet another security meeting regarding the situation in Ukraine.
“Hurry! Bring me a copy of Nixon’s resignation letter!”
“Send in the clown.” The weekly luncheon with Biden.
Yes, Vladimir, I’ve drawn another opaque “red” line.
We both know they are empty words and captitulation. I’ve got your back, buddy.
“Yo Mitt. It’s Barry. You wanna play President until this Ukraine thing blows over? I…hello? Hello? Mitt?”
Yes, I know I left it there last night when Reggie came over, hold on, let me call you back.
I’m serious …I’ve rolled up my sleeves …well no Reggie did but I’m still serious.
“Tell Hillary I hope she’s feeling better. I’ll hold her place ’til 2020.”
If you want your Ukraine, you can keep your Ukraine.
That’s not funny, Franklin.
Is this a contest? Will there be prizes?
Size 14 Chucks with BFH’s artwork, awesome.
This is the president of the United States! You can’t hang up on me! Pizza Hut… Pizza Hut… Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Where the Hell is the telepromter?
This stupid speach bubble won’t fill itself you know!
Ahhh, my teleprompter is workin’, right?
“AT&T? I think there’s something wrong with my phone. It keeps ringing at 3am.”
“Okay, Okay. Phone and a pen. Phone and a pen. Phone. Pen. Phone and a pen. Okay, okay. I got this. This is the phone. This is the phone.”
Do you have any idea who my wife is? She will eat me if you don’t get that taxpayer funded truckload of Kobe Beef here PRONTO!
“Lois, you fool! I told you to never call me again on this phone! I’ve got cover for the other 57 calls, but…”
Putin on the Blitz? Oh boy, I thought you said “Putting on the Ritz”…the guests are arriving in 20 minutes.
“I don’t know what that dirty c_cksucker did here, but I ain’t cleaning it up!”
King Obama here, ahhh I mean President Obama here.
“General? Yes, hi it’s Barack. The President. Yes. I’m changing my tee time to noon. I overslept. Yeah, thanks.”
Open the door –
If you want modified Chuck’s just say the word.
“Let’s use my stunt double for public appearances for a while. I’ve got a bad feeling…”
Man, I said I’d pay you as soon as I get back from the golf course! Michelles Mama is gonna take a whole purse full of silverware to the pawn shop for me while everybody’s out for the morning. Just let me get one more 8-ball and a new stem, and I swear I’ll have yo money by 5-o’clock! Hey, what about a trade? I’ll suck yo dick man… I’ll suck yo dick AND pay you yo money by tonite!!! Please?
Hello, Can you give me Prince Albert in my can?
“What would Reagan do? Seriously, that’s your advice? What about Palin? She got the Ukraine thing right? I’m hanging up now.”
“I thought the crease of my pants was enough to impress them but I rolled up my sleeves too for extra gravitas.”
Will do Comrade.
Sorry, I was calling the LadyBoy Escort Service.
I THAID, get THREE packth of benthon and hedgeth menthol light 100th on the night-thtand in the lincoln bedroom AND get the gameth on tv BEFORE reggie getth here!
Fur:”If you want modified Chuck’s just say the word.”
A man, a man with capitalism running though his veins like ice water.
High Top Chucks with your M L artwork at the ankle, size 14 boat, sweet.
$200?
I understand Vincent paid his debts with a starry night.
“Bill? Barack here…
You know that Bunny Ranch out west?
Do they have one for…uh…women?
You know…with hot guys?”
Hey Joe….I just got it what Eastwood meant.
Make sure you have him audited.
Yes, that’s right, a video. The people were upset about a video. It was grainy black and white, and showed people lined up along ditches they dug themselves being shot
Hey Vladimir, your seat in the oval office awaits you.
dadadadada bababababa yayayayaya lalalalala…..
“A run around the west wing sounds good. Ready in a few minutes, need to put on a suit and tie. You go get the press.”
“I quit!”
(Hey, I can dream, can’t I?)
Yes, Sir! Yes, Sir!
I know that, Mr. Putin.
Please, Sir, Kerry doesn’t know shit!
I understand, Sir … my mentor had to protect the Sudetan Germans … the precedent has been set … I’ll see if Merkel will do a “Peace in Our Time” speech … yes, Sir.
You know that Hitler guy? Right, well seems he was all into that occult stuff thinking it would get him some mojo and make him king of the world.
Well, get some guys together, General, and find me that Arc of the Covenant. I hear it gives the user superpowers.
Sarah! What are they doing now?
Yeah two extra large thin crust with Italian sausage and covered with black olives and mushrooms. Oh, oh, oh and an order of those garlic butter breadsticks.
Hello, Vlad? I’ve got a phone and a pen and my Mom jeans. You should be afraid, very afraid.
Valerie, Valerie, that bully Putin called me a sissy pants.
“Would it be possible to renovate the Resolute desk to make it larger? I mean, Reggie’s a big guy, and he says it’s mighty uncomfortable down there……”
Vlad! Don’t say that. Please! I told you – you can have anything you want. What? Okay, Texas is yours. …. AND Florida!? Why do you have to be so mean? Okay, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Of course, it’s no problem.
Sears. Why?
“Hello Bibi, this is Barrack…..Barack Obama…you remember me don’t you? Well anyway, I’m the President and I need some help looking like a leader dealing with that Putin thug…what do I need to do? President of the United States….what’s so funny? (click…buzzzz) Hello Bibi…you still there? Hello……”
I’m not kidding you. The SOB Lewinsky’d right here on the corner of my desk.
“Reggie, are you up for a wild-eyed night of bung-holing ecstasy on the desk, again?”
I’m wearing Michelle’s SKINNY JEANS… Very loose and comfortable.
..I haven’t seen Joe move that fast since I switched the label from his Hershey to his Ex-Lax chocolate bar.
“That’s right, you heard me! All of it on Syracuse!”
Nah, it’s okay, I’m not busy at all
“…..I can’t believe he’s had me on hold for 90 minutes…..”
Barry talking to the dial tone after Putin hangs up on him….
“You don’t scare me! I swear I will KICK YOUR ASS all the way back to Russia!” *grins at camera*
What if I stand with my legs apart and put my hand on my hip. Will that look “presidential?” Oh, thumb to the BACK. Pick up the phone? Why? Oh, talk INTO the phone! That makes sense. Don’t look at you? Look down like I’m concentrating on working. Got it. Great idea! We can caption this “Obama being stern with Putin and defending the people of The Ukraine.” What? No, THE? It’s just Ukraine? When did that happen? They’re an independent country? When did THAT happen? Never mind. Send a hundred 8×10 glossies to the former gov’t of The Ukraine. Tell them change is good.
Yes, Master.
Val? Can you find someone to replace the kick plate on the top of my desk?
No…Because it still hasn’t healed from the last time.
Can you make an executive chair with more massage devices focused in the seat area?
@Stranded – ROFLMAO!
“Okay Barry that’s better. This time turn the phone around. Yes, that’s correct, you speak into that end. Okay, let’s try this again people…”
lol!
YOU’RE NOT MY REAL MOM AND YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!
Yes, Vlad, everything is going as planned. I told you I’d have more flexibility after the elections.
No, I can’t wear Levi’s. They don’t allow for my curves.
Why are all the numbers on my phone sixes?
No it is not doomed. Have Joe do some PSA’s for Common Core.
Hello. I’d like to add more items to my Victoria’s Secret order to get the free shipping.
Hey There György Girl!
Vladamir, you are really making me look bad. Would you please leave Ukraine? I am seriously asking you nicely.
I have no pithy quote just a comment. Notice how he is not between the flags, but over to the left of the presidential flag. If he ment business he would have the stars and stripes behind him. Also he would be looking forward not down like a submissive dog.
Does this really mean no more horseyback rides??!…sniff…sniff
(As Obama peers under the desk)
“Reggie, it’s Linda Trip calling for you.”
Extended version via Soopermexican
http://www.soopermexican.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/putin-obama-phone-call-2-744×1024.jpg
Dude where’s my friggin’ bong !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hi Val tell those writing folks to change “uphold” to “holdup.”
Hold the pickles…hold the lettuce…isn’t that what you’ve told us that we can have it our way? Insurance???..oh yes you can have it your wat too!!
where is Valerie Jarrett …I don’t know what to do.
“Valerie, I have him on hold. Someone put some words on my telephone-teleprompter NOW. Remember our deal, you make the decisions, I’m just here to look good.”
“Hey, Vlad, did I ever show you where the term ‘teabagger’ came from? No … No … It’d be MY pleasure!”
¿Hablas español? En caso afirmativo, pulse uno ahora.
Do you speak English? If so press two now.
(2) Beep.
¿Es usted un residente de los Estados Unidos? Si es así pulse uno ahora.
Wha? I pressed 2 for English!
Oh snap! I’m looking SO butch. Gotta Tweet this pic to Putin.
“Hi, is this Mohammed’s Furniture Mart?, salamu alaykum. I’m going to need a less conspicuous prayer rug for the office. This one looks like a flying carpet.”
Barry hangs up phone. “That’s the last time I let Michelle go shopping for me.”
Get me on Frank Marshall Davis’s horn, and I mean his HORN. right now!!!
Jimmy John’s. I’d like a …
I’m… I’m so in love with you, Whatever you want to do, Is all right with me…, Vlad?! Are you still there? Vlad!!
Is there going to be a winner?
My ass is greased.
My zipper is down.
Already used the lip balm.
Where the Hell are you?!
Yup….desk and responsibility is too big for me!
Now he wants my lunch munnies, Val. How much should I give him?
I’d like to move T time to 9, moose wants me to walk the dog for a photo op.
I’m too sexy for this desk
Is Holder still breathing? I can hold.
What is the number for 9 1 1?
Give me Ham on one and hold the Mayo.
Look, I told you before, Bill isn’t here anymore Monica. Try again in 2 years OK.
I’d like this number added to the do not call list.
Yes Putin, the Ukraine is all yours but I have to make it look like I care.
Ah!
Aaahhhhhh!
( operator ) please make a deposit in the next minute to continue this call
Do you still have that special on Enzite?
The flies are back.
I’ll have even more flexibility after the next election.
“Look, if I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times, I WANT A MAP OF THE WORLD SO I CAN FIND UKRAINE AND SYRIA!!!”
It is alright George, your investment is safe, I’ve move it all into BitCoins, what could go wrong.
I said I want that WalMart ad off the air. I can’t have people inspired, they can’t build that without government.
OK I rubbed the magic lamp, now what?
What is the most expensive vacation spot?