Florida Man Wakes Up To Find Another Man Sucking His Toes – IOTW Report

Florida Man Wakes Up To Find Another Man Sucking His Toes

Sunday, 5 January 2020, 1:00 MJA Uncategorized 18

NewsWest9: BRADENTON, Fla. — A Florida man woke up in the middle of the night to find another man sucking on his toes, according to the Manatee County Sheriff’s Office.

Deputies say the man was sleeping in his bed in Bradenton, when he woke up and realized he wasn’t alone.

The man told deputies he assumed he was being robbed, so he told the intruder he didn’t have any money.

But money wasn’t what he was there for.

18 Comments on Florida Man Wakes Up To Find Another Man Sucking His Toes

  6. “Sucking someone’s finger is supposed to be seductive, but my dentist was just annoyed.”

    I saw the meme today too. Pretty funny. I grab my dentist by the sack and tell him, you hurt me, I hurt you. That works well, unless your dentist is a she.

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  7. “Investigators said the toe-sucking man took off, so they tried to track him with a K-9 but were unable to find him.”

    Probably headed to Seattle or Portland to run for Mayor

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  16. …I’m pretty late on this one, but here goes.

    Way back in the day when female firefighters were a novelty, my department added one, actually two, and didn’t change the open dormitory style bunk room. This wasn’t as nuts as it sounded on the face of it, because sleeping while on call doesn’t mean that you change into a nightie like you would at home, but you generally keep in uniform and be ready to jump up and put your turnouts on, so there wouldn’t be any dressing or undressing in the bunk area, and they did have separate toilet facilities.

    We had this one cute, tiny woman who had joined (there was some controversy because cute, tiny women would be rather ineffective at dragging a full-grown male firefighter in 60 pounds of gear out of a burning building if something happened, but, you know, second wave feminism, City hiring, and all, different issue for another day), and she had made the choice to remove her shoes and socks and sleep barefoot.

    Only to be awakened by the glork from the next bunk, who had quit his covers to travel quietly to HER bunk and was playing with her toes and making shushing gestures.

    In a room full of OTHER sleeping firefighters.

    I wasn’t there that particular night, but I’m told that for a tiny woman she made a SURPRISINGLY loud alarm, bolting the REST of the room up faster than the Plectron would, and after a little lag to assess the situation, Glork was removed from the room and the Chief summoned from his slumber at home, who summarily fired the FUCK out of him because, city and because, feminism, yes, but ALSO and MOSTLY because the guy was a creepy deviant who you wouldn’t want servicing YOUR daughter were she unconscious on the Squad, ESPECIALLY if she had cute toes.

    This is where I became aware of it. Guess who got the call to REPLACE him at 2 in the morning for the rest of the shift…

    And yes, he DID admit to it. Said he couldn’t help himself. Fine, dude, go not help yourself somewhere ELSE.

    Because it wasn’t uncommon for someone to run with multiple agencies, the entire county was aware that this fellow was persona non grata by sunrise. The only reason he avoided jail was the lady didn’t want to press charges.

    Although I sincerely hope her husband pressed – something – on the guy later.

    …The City did rethink their bunking after that too, and did partition it so there was a separate room for our (then) two female firefighters, which they should have done ANYWAY.

    …but that was then, this is NOW. I’m not sure how this would play out in the modern world, although I’m sure other factors would come into play, like was he a Muslim or some protected minority, or if he could get to stay on if he promised to seek help, but I suspect it would have had a stupider and less immediate resolution in a modern, unionized, politically correct environment where the actual LAW and common sense play only a tiny, tiny part in modern jurisprudence.

    So, while there was no sucking, apparently toes cry out to some people for attention, and the response of THIS guy was probably pretty reasonable for someone breaking in on you and insisting on some perverted contact. However, again, this is likely to be adjudicated by a gay Muslim transvestite toe-sucking judge, and they may well decide to put the suckEE in prison for not being compliant enough to a needy minority or something.

    In these Democrat-destroyed days, there is no law, only feelz…

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